


Mad

by tinytefffers



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: "Weird" behavior, Asperger's Sherlock, Bipolar Disorder, Bulimia, Depression, F/M, Fluffy silliness, Hallucinations, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Psychiatric patient - John, Sexual situations in a mental institution, Virgin Sherlock, attempted suicide, mentions of self harm, other mental illnesses, physical/verbal aggression, psychiaric patient -Sherlock, use of restraint, use of seclusion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 15:12:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 62,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4396781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinytefffers/pseuds/tinytefffers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Watson is brought to New Haven Psychiatric Hospital after Mary finds him with a gun after months of depression symptoms. He is utterly devastated over the loss of his friend Sherlock Holmes and realizes he needs extra care to learn to understand how to live life without Sherlock.  Only thing is there is a surprise awaiting him at the hospital, will said surprise make or break him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everybody! I am still new to this fandom so you're going to have to live with me when I mess up on something cannon related. I am also not from the UK so I could easily mess up when it comes to language.
> 
> This is completely a trial run depending on how you guys take it. It might be a bit out there but I have read similar stories so thought it might be well taken. ANYWAY enjoy!

Welcome to New Haven

 

“John It’s for the best.” Mary said to her boyfriend as they walked up the steps of New Haven psychiatric hospital. He was dragging his rolling suitcase up the stairs like he was walking to the gallows.

John looked at Mary with tired sad eyes and nodded his head. “You’re right.” He said as they walked in the front doors of the rather daunting looking old English building. It kind of reminded John of Bart which he never though looked very therapeutic from the outside. “I’m just not sure I can lose you too.”

She looked confused as they walked up to the front desk. “Lose me?”

He nodded his head. “Yeah in this place.”

Mary was going to say something encouraging when she was interrupted by a nice looking young man dressed in jeans and a polo shirt definitely not something Mary had expected. The only thing that told her that he was an orderly, doctor or some other form of authority was the nametag clipped to his shirt.

“You must be John…John Watson.” The man said with a bright smile. “Welcome to New Haven.”

John looked at the man like he had completely lost his mind, but then remembered it was obviously HE who had lost his mind. Clearing his throat he nodded. “I’m John Watson.” He looked at Mary. “This is my girlfriend Mary.”

“Nice to meet both of you, my name is Chris and I am an orderly here and the person who is going to help you check in.” he said and glanced at the clock. “Seeing the nature of the hour you probably won’t be seeing any doctors of therapists tonight but myself and the other orderlies will definitely help you get situated.”

“Thank you.” John said and found he was honestly thankful. It was then he remembered something and looked at Mary. “You can leave now…I don’t want you to see me like this, at least not for a while.”

Mary looked at Chris who simply shrugged his shoulders and let the two figure things out. “Are you sure?”

John nodded, “I can do this…I NEED to do this.” That night had been the final straw when Mary had come home to find him sitting with his gun to his head. Thankfully she had been calm and collected and had got him to agree to call the emergency crisis line they both knew about from work. While on the crisis like New Haven came up and John agreed to take himself to the hospital at least for a few days of observation.

“Okay then,” Mary said as she gave him a gentle kiss on the lips and with a heavy heart and teary eyes exited the building.

“So John since it’s almost 10pm why don’t we get through your check-in process and let you get some sleep.” Chris said and then realized he had been very rude. “I’m sorry is it okay that I call you John.”

John actually chuckled at that, “It’s my name.” he said as he walked with Chris down the hall to a room that said ‘intake’ on the door. What he was surprised about was that he didn’t see any other patients wondering the hallways and even more surprised when Chris seemed to get what he was thinking.

“We’re not in the area where the dorms are located quite yet. We will go there in a few minutes.”

“I see.” John said as he took a seat when asked and began answering all the questions that were thrown in his direction. The one he found the hardest was ‘what brings you here tonight?’ He proceeded to tell Chris that he had been depressed for the past year since his best friend had committed suicide and how today was the anniversary of said friend’s death.

“So you tried to shoot yourself.”

“Yes.”

“Are you feeling suicidal right now?” Chris asked sounding to actually care about his response and John was realizing he didn’t mind this experience as much as he thought he would, at least people were nice. It made it easier for him to nod his head and answer with a ‘yes’ to the suicidal question.

“Okay,” Chris said with a small smile. “Nothing to be ashamed of…we just need to work on that.” He said as he got out a couple of hospital bracelets and attached them to John’s arm. “Okay how about we head to the dorms and get you settled in your room?”

“Do we share rooms?”

Chris laughed and shook his head in the negative. “Oh thank good heavens no. This hospital has three floors with two wards each. Each ward has five beds…or rooms I should say.”

“Oh that’s rather intimate.” John said as he followed after Chris who was jabbering on about how another orderly or nurse would bring him scrubs to change in for the night until they could check in his belongings.

“I might warn you they might keep you in the scrubs for another couple days since you are a suicide risk.”

John didn’t really like the idea of not wearing his own clothes but since all he had really packed was pajama bottoms and sweats he figured it didn’t rightly matter.

Soon they got to the dorms or ward as it was also called and Chris unlocked the door letting both of them inside.

There John was surprised to find a long hallway that held doors that he figured held bedrooms since as he counted there appeared to be five like Chris had said. At the end of the hall there was some long tables with chairs around it and then some reclining loungers by a window with magazines and coloring pages on a table. Oh and the part John already liked the most was the fish tank that was on one wall by the loungers.

“See not too scary.” Chris said with a smile as they stood so John could look around. “Down that hall are group rooms like a music room an art room and a TV room.”’

“Nurses’ station?” John questioned pointing at the closed in glass area in front of him.

Chris nodded, “Yup, if you have any questions people should be back there to help you.”

“My room?”

“Of course,” Chris led John back the way they came and stopped at room 215 and opened the door. “Here you go.” He told the other man. “If you need extra blankets or pillows don’t be afraid to ask. Also again somebody will be by with scrubs for you to wear at least until tomorrow.”

“Okay,” John said as he walked into the room and flopped onto the bed, sitting on the edge. He was so bone weary that he was sure he would fall right to sleep once he was allowed to.

It took about 20 minutes before a young female came to the door with a smile on her face. “Hi John…I’m Stephanie I’ve got some scrubs for you.” She said holding up the green material. “I know they are not very attractive but right now safety comes first you know.”

“Right.” John said as he took the garments. It was then he thought of something. He had done a suicide prevention class for work and sighed, “Undergarment off too?”

Stephanie gave him a small nod, “I’ll leave you to it. And then return for your clothes.”

John quickly changed into his new attire and folded the clothes he came in wearing on the bed. He prayed Stephanie or somebody else would come back soon so he could get to sleep.

Sure enough only five minutes later Stephanie knocked on the door and when John acknowledged her she came into the room holding a few other items. “I brought you a toothbrush, toilet paper and soap for the bathroom sink.”

“Thanks.” John said as he took the odd thing of toilet paper that was missing the roll. ‘What in the world could I do to hurt myself with a roll of cardboard?’ he thought to himself and then chuckled out loud when he envisioned himself covered in paper cuts.

Stephanie gave him an odd look but didn’t say anything as she took his belongings. “Have a good night John. Do try and sleep and if you are not able come to the nurses’ station and somebody will get you something to help.”

John nodded his head as he watched Stephanie go. Sighing he pulled back the slightly scratchy blankets and climbed into bed. Fluffing his pillow he lay down and tried to rest. Thankfully after only ten minutes he was out like a light.

 

<><><><><><><> Meanwhile down the hallway another man was tossing and turning in his bed unable to sleep. Something on the ward seemed off but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Everything seemed quiet but something was wrong. Getting out of bed he pulled on some gripper socks and headed out the door. He walked to the main portion of the ward and found Stephanie folding towels at the table. He honestly had NO idea why the orderlies were doing a task such as this but he didn’t say anything.

Stephanie turned and smiled, “Having trouble sleeping Sherlock?”

“Yes,” Sherlock said as he looked around for what felt amiss. “Did something happen?”

“No…” Stephanie looked at the older man confused. “Everything has been calm tonight.”

Sherlock flopped into one of the chairs and crossed his legs at the knee. “Something is different and I cannot figure out what it is.” The detective in him had him looking at the situation as a case. When things got like this the orderlies got slightly nervous.

Stephanie stopped her folding to go sit next to Sherlock. “Sherlock everything is okay on the ward, we even got a new patient, it’s been a while since that has happened. Maybe you can make a new friend.”

Stephanie’s words completely caught Sherlock’s attention and he sat up quickly. “That’s it! a new patient, that is what is wrong. He didn’t focus on the mention of making a friend, he didn’t have friends, not anymore”

“Why does that mean something is wrong?”

Sherlock shook his head, “Not wrong…but different.”

“Maybe you can get to sleep now.” Stephanie suggested. “I can get you a nurse to maybe get you some Trazadone or Melatonin if you need it.”

“I’m fine.” Sherlock said which Stephanie assumed he would say. It was impossible to get Sherlock to take his medications that were regularly prescribed let alone something ‘as needed’

Stephanie nodded. “Okay well then back to bed with you. You can meet your new ward-mate in the morning.”

Sherlock still looked a bit uneasy about the whole thing but ended up back in his bed in room 214, looking at the wall that was facing John’s room. Yes something weird was definitely going on, Stephanie just did not know it.


	2. Introductions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! Thank you so much for the reviews they are so welcomed and made my day that I had to get up at 4am to finish this new chapter!
> 
> OHH and before I forget...is there anybody out there that would like to co-write this story with me? I normally co-write in RP format so I know that isn't everybody's cup of tea but just curious because I think this story would have so much potential if done in this form!

John woke the next morning with a crink in his back and a splitting headache. He rubbed at his face and found traces of tears and sighed. He must have had one of his dreams again without realizing it. Sighing he got out of bed, used the bathroom and then figured he might as well wonder out of his room and see what he could see.

What he could see wasn’t very much. The main parts of the ward were still dimly lit which told him it was much earlier than he expected. Groaning he went to the nurses’ station to figure out the time since he couldn’t find a clock anywhere. When he was about to knock on the glass to ask the time he noticed a clock on the wall and it read 6:45am. This wasn’t as bad as he expected so he decided to knock after all and figure out what he was supposed to do. He planned on being the model patient and follow all the rules even if that meant staying in his small room for the next hour or so.

A young male nurse answered his knock with a smile. “Hello there, you must be John.”

“I am.” John replied with a nod. “Sorry to bother you but I wanted to make sure it was okay if I’m out here since it’s early.”

The nurse smiled even more, “You’re fine John. We have books and magazines and coloring pages if you like that sort of thing.”

John had to wonder if the nurse should be a patient with how fast he talked but he didn’t say that of course. It was then John thought of something. “Do you have something for a headache?”

“Of course.” The nurse said. “I will get right on that.”

“Thank you,” John moved away from the window and headed over to where the magazines and things were kept. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to read in the dim lighting but he didn’t complain just sat in one of the reclining chairs and waited for his pain medicine.

<><><><><><> At around 7:30am more action began on the ward. John deducted that the day orderlies and nurses had arrived and were receiving reports from the night staff. At about this same time John saw his first fellow patient a young woman who appeared to be in her early twenties. She walked right over to him which he found rather unnerving but didn’t say anything.

“Hello I’m Jennifer, who are you?” The young woman questioned her blue eyes full of curiosity.

John wanted to chuckle but didn’t instead he introduced himself and started up a conversation with the younger woman. “I’m John, how are you doing this morning Jennifer?”

Jennifer was rather shocked John was speaking with her but quickly recovered and began talking all about a dream she had earlier that morning. As they talked a nurse came walking in their direction with a little paper pill cup and gave John a smile.

“Good morning John, I’m Sandra and I have some medication for a headache if you would still like it.” a middle aged nurse said still all smiles. John realized that everybody around this place was all smiles. Normally he wouldn’t mind that but when feeling so low himself it was kind of annoying to see others so upbeat. But then again nobody would really want a cranky nurse or orderly member, especially in a mental hospital.

“John?”

“Hmm?” John shook out of his thoughts a bit disoriented. “Yes?”

“Would you like the medication for your headache?”

John simply nodded his head and took the pills before turning back to Jennifer who was looking at him curiously.

“Why you here?” The young woman questioned.

John sighed, “I have depression, my best mate died last year, guess I haven’t gotten on too well since then.” He hated bringing up what brought him there but he also didn’t want to upset Jennifer. He got a feeling she could be interesting if upset.

“I see…I’m bulimic.” She told him after a second of silence, something John was mostly enjoying. His head was still pounding, but he again was trying to be nice. “I’m sorry to hear that.” He replied to her admission.

Jennifer shrugged, “Is what it is I suppose.”

“Jennifer you have a phone call.” An orderly said from the other side of the room.

She actually squealed and ran off in the other direction leaving John alone again for a second at least.

The time didn’t last because a minute later (or less) an orderly came walking over and sat down next to him. “Good morning, I’m Hank.” The aging man told John. “I will be one orderlies working with you until around 3pm.”

“Okay.” John said and tried to smile politely “Nice to meet you Hank.” He glanced down the hallway that held to bedrooms curious what interesting person he would meet next. His curiosity must have shown on his face because Hank chuckled.

“Everybody else should be waking up in a few minutes. Breakfast should be here in 20.”

The thought of food made John’s stomach roll but he smiled and nodded anyway.

“Hey Hank!” A middle aged man said as he walked up to John and Hank, butting into their conversation which John was okay with quite frankly. The man looked at John and raised an eyebrow. “Are you a patient or a doctor?”

“Both.” Both John and Hank said causing everybody to laugh despite themselves.

“I’m a doctor but a patient right now.” John tried to explain. He didn’t add that he hadn’t been practicing medicine since HE died and the depression had started year ago. “I see.” The man said and held out his hand. “I’m Charlie.”

John shook the outstretched hand, “Hi Charlie, I’m John.” He really hoped he could remember names but was thankful there must only be 4 other people to remember if there was 5 rooms on the ward and he was included in that 5.

Before breakfast Charlie proceeded to tell John his whole life story, which sounded rather rough and extremely annoying to John but he figured that was because now that his head was feeling better his stomach was waking up and the prospect of breakfast actually sounded good to him for once. BUT the doctor in him listened intently to what the man had to say.

From the sounds of it Charlie had been in and out of hospital since he was a boy due to developmental delays and problem behaviors due to that. John cringed a bit when he mentioned disrobing and getting in fights. That was all John did NOT need was to get in a fight but knowing his temperament at times if Charlie started something than John would finish it and he knew that about himself.

“Come on Charlie let John relax a little this is his first morning with us.” Hank said rolling his eyes and mouthing ‘I’m sorry’ to John for Charlie spilling his guts to John so early in the morning and so quickly after meeting him.

John shrugged his shoulders and again was about to say something when he had somebody shyly come up to him. This was another young woman who looked awful in John’s mind. It wasn’t that she wasn’t beautiful because she was she just looked very, very sad. “Hello.” He said to her since all she was doing was looking at him and actually from a slight distance which was different compared to the other two people he met that morning.

“That is Tasha she doesn’t talk much.” Hank explained when the woman didn’t say anything to him. “Very sweet girl though if you can get her talking.”

For some reason John could tell what Hank said to be true and nodded his head in understanding.

<><><><><><> Breakfast came and went and was a pretty calm experience. Jennifer of course ate her food but disappeared quickly, orderlies having to deal with that. Charlies continued to talk John’s ear off and Tasha quietly ate her food, but ate all of it so John ruled out an eating disorder for her. It was halfway through breakfast when there was a commotion down the hall.

“I’m not hungry I don’t want to eat.” Came a man’s deep baritone voice.

John froze with his spoon of cooked oats halfway to his mouth, he knew that voice but now had to believe his depression had gotten so bad he was hallucinating.

“John?” Hank questioned when he saw the look of pure horror cross John’s face and the cooked oats dripping onto his scrub top. “John what’s wrong?”

Just then the source of the voice made himself known by storming into the eating area, his robe blowing behind him. “I’m not going to eat.” He told Hank as he sat down at the table, arms crossed over his head.

“No.”

Hank turned back to John and seriously thought the other man was going to be sick. “John…mate do you need to go lie down for a bit you look ill.”

John shook his head in the negative as he stared across the table at the man he was sure had died. There was no way in God’s green earth that he was sitting across from him. It all had to be in his mind. “You’re not real.”

This caught the man, Sherlock’s, attention and it was his turn to look across the table with wide eyes and going even more pail than normal. “J…John?”

“Sherlock?”

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course please review and send kudos but ALSO think about the co-writing thing. Could be SO much fun!!!


	3. Friends?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has come out as complete rubbish...nothing went as planned but I am posting anyway because I can only work the thing to death for so long. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Thank you SOOOOO much for the awesome reviews and Kudos, you guys are amazing!

John Watson was shocked, no completely and utterly baffled but more than anything he was pissed royally pissed. It only took him a second to really figure out in his mind what was going on and in that second he was charging across the table and strangling who he used to say was his best mate. Now he wanted nothing more than to actually kill Sherlock Bloody Holmes.

“John!” Hank exclaimed as he rushed over and pulled the man off of Sherlock.

John struggled against the orderly to the point that other orderlies had to come in and help hold him. “You’re going to pay for this…fucking pay!” he yelled at Sherlock who was being taken care of by one of the nurses. John hoped he had crushed something because he was pissed and even though he normally came off meek and mild you really do not want to mess with John Watson when he was pissed.

“John calm down or we’re going to have to put you into a seclusion room.” Hank said gently even though he was struggling with the irate man.

“Lemmie at him.” John continued to scream. “He should be dead!”

The rest of the patients on the ward were looking on in disbelief. Normally everybody on ward 3 was calm and chill, well except for when Sherlock got in a mood.

“I am not sure I like him.” Jennifer said to Charles and Tasha. She of course would have included Sherlock but he was still getting medical attention.

“Fuck YOU Sherlock Homes!” John continued his rant and sadly the orderlies began walking him in the direction of the seclusion room due to his aggressive and disruptive behaviors.

Before John really understood what was going on he was being walked into a room and then a door was closed and locked. He understood quickly from his days in medical school. “I have just been secluded…” he said to himself and of course this just added to his fowl mood. “You guys are all a bunch of dick heads! He screamed to the orderlies he figured were still on the other side of the door.

Over the next ten minutes or so he screamed, kicked the wall and royally cursed out Sherlock and anything he could think of to with Sherlock. Finally by the time ten minutes rolled around though he was tired, wore out even and it was only 9am. Sighing he walked to the door and peaked out the window there. He found out that Hank and another man was on the other side leaning against the wall as if waiting for him. “I…I’m done now.” He said meaning done throwing the fit he was now quite embarrassed about. He wouldn’t be surprised if nobody on the ward would ever talk to him again.

“Ten more minutes John then we’ll talk.” Hank told him.

John scrunched up his face in confusion. “What’s in ten minutes?”

“Just protocol.”

“Right.” John said as he sat on the floor against the wall and waited…and waited…and waited and then finally the door opened and Hank and the stranger walked in. He didn’t tell him to get up so he stayed put.

“You really outdid yourself this morning.” Hank said as he sank to the floor next to John. “Care to explain?”

John was flabbergasted didn’t they understand what was going on and who in the world was the middle aged man with Hank and why hadn’t the introduced him? Sighing he slightly glared at the other man…for reasons he was unsure of. “Who is HE?”

The man smiled, “I am Doctor Hillard, I will be your psychiatrist while you are here at New Haven. I am sorry we are not meeting under better terms though.” He said looking around the small vacant room. “But I am here now anyway so we are going to have a little chat.”

“I’m not sure I want to talk with you.” John answered honestly and looked at Hank. “Can I talk with Hank?”

“Hank can be in the room, but you and I will need to be the ones talking. See it’s protocol after a patient has been placed in the seclusion room for me to talk to them. Also, we’re due for that chat this morning anyway. BUT let’s see if we can get protocol out of the way and then moved to another space that is much more inviting.” Doctor Hillard said smiling.

John sighed, “Fine.”

“So first off care to explain why you almost strangled another patient and then threw a hissy fit with my orderlies?”

John snorted in laughter, “Is ‘hissy fit’ a technical term, doctor?”

“John you are not answering my question. What happened at breakfast to bring on this behavior?”

“Sherlock bloody Holmes.” John spot and felt himself getting worked up again. “The blood Git is supposed to be fucking dead.”

“Dead you say?” Doctor Hillard questioned with a raised eyebrow.

John stood up and began pacing the room, “Yes dead as in as a door nail. I saw him jump, I saw him fall and I saw his lifeless, bleeding body. Oh and I was at his funeral. Doctor Hillard Sherlock Holmes was my best mate in the world before he left me. It is the depression that caused that has me here now. You can imagine sir, that I would be rather pissy that he appears to be alive and kicking just hiding out in a mental institution.”

“John I understand you are upset that it appears your friend misled you, but let me also tell you that Sherlock has been with us for 6 months now and is a very ill man.”

“What was he doing for the other 6 months and why didn’t he tell me he was back from the dead?” John exclaimed even though he knew it sounded ridiculous.

“Maybe you could ask him rather than try and injure him.” Doctor Hillard stated with a raised eyebrow, a slight smile on his face.

John snorted, “I am NOT talking to my should be dead best mate.” As he said it this time he did realize how ridiculous he sounded and sighed. “I won’t talk with Sherlock.” He thought of something. “I doubt he will talk to me.”

“Well you are going to have a hard time ignoring each other if you live together.” Doctor Hillard pointed out and watched John make a face. “Neither you nor Sherlock are going anywhere any time soon so you’ll have to talk.”

<><><><><><> Meanwhile Sherlock was pacing the bedroom hallway and every once and a while glancing in the direction of the seclusion room that John had just entered a few minutes before. He couldn’t believe it John Watson was a patient at New Haven, the hospital Sherlock himself had been staying in since he returned from Serbia (Yes I know in Cannon Sherlock didn’t come home until 2 years after the fall). He had told Mycroft to tell John he was back and he was okay but that must have never happened. Also he was anything but okay…so everybody tells him.

“Sherlock you need to calm down too or you’re going to get yourself all worked up.” Maggie another orderly said trying to get Sherlock to calm.

“Why is he here, Maggie?” Sherlock asked looking at the orderly with questioning blue eyes. “Why is John in a mental hospital?” he had a good feeling John would be wondering the same thing about him.

“Why don’t you talk to HIM about that?”

“Because he is in bloody seclusion.” Sherlock exclaimed as he started pacing again.

“Sherlock have you had your pills yet this morning?” Maggie asked gently knowing this was a sensitive subject for the pacing individual.

Sherlock stopped for a second to glare at Maggie. “It is only 9am I do not get my pills until closer to 10am.”

“Right.” Maggie said trying not to smile. Of course she knew the ward’s favorite and most challenging patients schedule by now. “Well may I suggest getting them earlier so you can talk to John when he returns to the floor?”

“No…thank you.” The creature of habit stated as he ran a hand through is unruly black curls. “But seriously why is Doctor John Watson seeking inpatient psychiatric treatment.”

“I tried to kill myself.”

Sherlock turned to find John standing behind him with Doctor Hillard at his side and Hank standing by just in case things went crazy again. “Why would you do a bloody thing like that?”

“My best mate killed himself.” John said his hands clenched at his side, obvious he was far from calm. He had rehearsed a million times what he would say or do if he ever got the opportunity to speak to Sherlock again and now he was finding it impossible to say anything of the things or do any of the things he had planned. He hadn’t expected to be so angry and definitely hadn’t counted on the setting. Thinking of that had him realize something. He still didn’t know why Sherlock was there. “Why are you here?”

“On this Planet? In London?”

Yes he was as frustrating as every but there was something else there that wasn’t the same. “Why are you here at the hospital…but those other questions are good too.”

Sherlock spent a good twenty minutes explaining how he had faked his own death so he could chase after Moriarty’s gang. There were quick mentions of masks, dead bodies and hypnosis. Then talk of travels around the world searching out Moriarty’s turned into talk of abuse and hospital stays.

“Hold on you were in the hospital in Serbia?” John stopped his fast talking…friend.

“Yes.” Sherlock said. “Awful experience thank God for Mycroft.” He made a face at that. “Please don’t tell him that I said that.”

“Won’t.”

Maggie stood back with Doctor Hillard. They were all pleased with how things were going, but were all ready for that to change since things seemed to do that around the hospital.

“So Mycroft was in on it?” John said in disbelief. Sure, he wasn’t friendly with the politician but he figured he would at least say something if Sherlock wasn’t really dead!

Sherlock nodded his head, “And Molly and a couple of select members of my homeless friends.”

“Bloody hell Sherlock!” John exclaimed and quickly lowered his voice when he noticed the orderlies seem to shift into action. “You’ve been alive all this time and now you are in a mental hospital…seriously in a hospital or is this a case or something?”

Sherlock sighed, “Seriously here.”

“Reason?”

“You want my diagnosis?”

“Would be nice.”

Sherlock glanced at the orderlies and Doctor Hillard before back at John. “BPD & ASD.”

John rolled his eyes, “Sherlock I haven’t studied psychiatry in years, try that in real words.”

Without exactly thinking Maggie spoke up. “Bipolar Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder.”

“I see.” John said as he took in the information. He understood completely the Autism diagnosis but was a big surprised at the Bipolar but then again the more he thought about it the more he had seen the signs and symptoms of that one for years too.

“Would you boys like to go finish your breakfasts so you can join morning meeting in a few minutes?” The nurse who had looked after Sherlock questioned as she walked into the area. “We can heat up your cereal in the microwave.”

“Not hungry.” Both Sherlock and John said at the same time actually causing them to both smile.

The nurse sighed she really hoped John didn’t turn out to be another one she had to throw food down his throat.

Hank cleared his throat, “She’s right though guys we have morning meeting in a few minutes so if you want to head to the art room that would be good.”

“It smells.” Sherlock said standing firmly in his spot by the bedrooms.

“Smells?” Hank questioned.

Sherlock nodded, “Yes and John doesn’t like strong smells.”

Hank looked at John, “It just smells like paint, are you okay with that?”

“Oh believe me I have had worse smells going through my home when living with this Git so I can handle some paint smells.”

“I cannot.” Sherlock spoke up. “It is awful.”

Hank sighed in exasperation. “Sherlock you have been in the art room twice, maybe three times a day for the past 6 months.”

“I never said I wasn’t going or anything.” Sherlock said eyeing Hank funny.

“Could have fooled me.”

John was finding this conversation rather humorous but figured he would butt in. “Um guys don’t we have a meeting?” he looked to Sherlock. “And YOU my dear friend are going to show me around today.”

Sherlock stopped in his tracks and looked at John, “But Charlie does that…I don’t do that.”

“Sherlock I am sure Charlie won’t mind.” Maggie said gently.

Getting flustered Sherlock ran a hand through his hair. “O…okay.”

This was weird for John to see…really see. It had been there all those years but now he was just really seeing it. Sherlock wasn’t on a case or holding up in a hospital for the fun of it he was actually sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are my drug...more chapters come faster when reviews hit my in-box HAHA...sorry that just sounds rude! BUT seriously love the reviews


	4. Ill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here is another chapter! I just wanted to say that I am trying to make the characters as 'in character' as possible but I am also taking some liberties to change things up a bit to fit with the story.
> 
> Thank you again for all the wonderful reviews and kudos!

“But Tasha leads the morning meeting.” Sherlock said from his spot at the long table located in the art room.

John was sitting next to him holding the morning meeting agenda in his hands. He didn’t WANT to read the paper but Hank and Maggie were insisting that he do so to get a ‘feel for things’. The only problem was Sherlock was practically whining about the fact that he was going to ‘run’ the meeting. “I don’t have to…” He said passing the paper to his left where Tasha was sitting.

“Sherlock, John is going to read the morning meeting agenda, Tasha will read the non-violence agreement.” Maggie said but could already feel something brewing in the tall, curly haired gentlemen.

Sherlock stood up, grabbed the paper from John and threw it at Tasha. “Read it.”

“Sherlock…” Hank said in a warning tone.

“Don’t ‘Sherlock’ me.” He said shaking his head, “This is not how it works…not at all.” With that he walked out of the room his robe flowing behind him.

He wasn’t sure why, maybe it was habit? But whatever reason John got up and rushed after Sherlock even as orderlies were calling to him to stop and come back.

John found Sherlock standing in front of one of the big picture windows that looked out onto the grounds of the hospital. “What was that?”

“What?”

“You know what I mean.”

Sherlock turned to look at John, “I like things done the right way…you leading the morning meeting is not the right way.”

John sighed, “Sherlock sometimes things are different.”

“They aren’t supposed to be.” Sherlock replied as he moved away from the window. “I’m going to lie down.” With that he left John wondering what in the world was going on.

<><><><><><>  
  
John continuously looked down the hallway leading to Sherlock’s bedroom as he tried to color a picture of a butterfly with Jennifer and Tasha later that morning. He wasn’t sure how he had gotten roped into the coloring session with the girls but either way his heart wasn’t in it.

“We’re better off without him coming out.” Jennifer said to John. She could tell the older man was looking for his ‘friend’ by the way he was looking in the right direction.

“What?”

“Sherlock, we’re better off if he stays in his room.”

John really didn’t like the sound of that, mostly because he could never KEEP Sherlock in his bedroom when they had shared the Baker Street flat now he was actually spending time in it? “He stay in there a lot?”

“Not enough.” Charlie said from where he was seated reading a book.

“Oh be nice.” Tasha warned playfully. “He isn’t that bad.”

“Can be.” Jennifer said making a face. “Don’t you remember yesterday…”

John really didn’t want to hear the gossip about his friend so he decided to go ‘check on’ said friend. He situated his oh so fashionable scrubs and walked to Sherlock’s room. He knocked on the door and waited for a response. Even though they knew each other in the past he figured it was against the rules to walk into each other’s rooms, especially without being asked in.

Sherlock sat on his bed writing in his journal when there was a knock on his door. “What?” he asked in a bored tone, but not necessarily unfriendly.

“It’s John…can I come in?”

“Not really.” Sherlock said not making any move to leave the spot on his bed.

John sighed from the other side of the door. “Sherlock I’m sorry if I upset you this morning…with everything, please talk with me.”

Rolling his eyes, Sherlock put down his notebook and carried his pen to the door. “Have to check-out the pens.”

“What?” John was surprised to have Sherlock at the door and then didn’t understand the pen reference until he saw the writing utensil in his friend’s hand. “Oh we cannot have them without checking them out?”

Sherlock nodded, “Well not in our rooms anyway and YOU might not be able to have one anyway…suicide risk and all.”

“How did you know…”

“You told me this morning you tried to commit suicide and that color of green has never suited you.” Sherlock said nodding to John’s scrubs.

“Oh...right.” John also looked at his clothes. “Said I could probably have my own things tonight.”

“Not after what you pulled this morning.” Sherlock smirked.

John glared. “You fucking scared me to death first with the whole ‘I’m dead’ thing and then showing up at the same bloody hospital as me. You know my temper.”

“Yes I do.” Sherlock walked with John to the nurse’ station and turned in his pen. “How about I tell you things.”

“Huh?”

Sherlock looked around the ward, “About the ward so you aren’t completely lost like normal.”

John rolled his eyes but nodded. “Okay tell me.”

“Well you know you cannot have pens in your room without checking them out the same goes with anything else sharp.”

“What about shaving?”

“Once a week with an orderly watching.” Sherlock said and then glanced behind him at Jennifer and Tasha. “Same goes for the girls.”

John made a face thinking of the poor girls having to sit with another person to shave their legs and underarms. “Right so pens and shaving…”

“We can watch movies in the TV room anytime we want to as long as it’s not a group or a meal.” Sherlock continued. “The art room sadly is closed unless there is a group going because of the nature of the items in it.”

This John understood and he nodded his head. “Makes sense.”

“The orderlies are normally very nice and work well with the patients but sometimes the nurses’ can be rude.”

“Sherlock!”

That was Hank, who had happened to be walking by.

“You just don’t like them because they give you medicine you don’t want.”

Sherlock shrugged

John couldn’t help but laugh but then decided to ask a question more personal. “Why are you on medication and what are you on?”

“Lots of reasons and lots of meds.” Sherlock said showing he wasn’t going to talk about that subject by his body language. He then noticed something and smirked. “Speaking of meds here comes the doctor and by the look of things it’s for you.”

John remembered Doctor Hillard had said he would talk with him later on so Sherlock was probably right. “I guess I will talk with you later.”

“Guess so.” Sherlock said as the doctor approached them. “Ta ta.” He turned and walked the other way.

“John can we speak for a couple of moments?” Doctor Hillard questioned with a kind smile.

“Okay…”

Doctor Hillard led John to a small room off across from the art and TV rooms. Inside the room there were two wing back chairs a small table and various colorful photographs hanging on the walls. It was a rather comforting room with soft lighting and John felt safe the second he stepped inside which he found a bit weird since here he was about to meet with a psychiatrist, definitely not one of his favorite types of people.

Doctor Hillard closed the door after flipping a sign on the front of it that said ‘In Session.’ Once he took a seat John did the same and they looked at each other in silence for a second.

“You wanted to talk?” John asked trying to not get frustrated since all he wanted to do was run out of the room…nothing against the room.

“Yes I do.” Doctor Hillard said with a smile. “I am trying to decide if I should be worried by your behavior this morning since I have not seen any of that behavior in the past few hours.”

John sighed, “I told you why I did that.”

Doctor Hillard nodded, “Right…Sherlock coming back from the dead.” He then added. “But is your temper normally that strong?”

“Sometimes,” John admitted thinking of all the times he had gotten mad at Sherlock over the years. Sometimes to the point of kicking chairs and other furniture. He told Doctor Hillard of these situations and he wrote them down on a pad of paper.

“I think I hear a pattern.” Doctor Hillard said with a smile.

“What?”

“Sherlock Holmes MAKES you display outlandish behaviors.”

John rolled his eyes, “Well yes that is obvious. I cannot live with him or without him.”

“John have you ever found yourself liking Sherlock on a different level?”

‘Yes I want to fuck his brains out.’ John said to himself but in reality he stood up and charged for the door. “That is not a good question Doctor, I am leaving.” With that he stormed out of the room only ten minutes after they started.

Of course the first person he bumped into…literally…was Sherlock. Both of them fell to the floor, John on top of Sherlock looking down at him.

“Guys!” Hank exclaimed as he walked over and plucked John off of a shocked Sherlock. When John was safely on his own feet again he helped Sherlock up. “John where’s the fire?”

“Sorry,” John honestly. “I didn’t mean to.” He was afraid they were going to seclude him again for bumping into somebody on accident.

Hank smiled, “It’s all good John, just be careful. Now how would you guys like to go outside?”

“We can go outside?” John questioned both Hank and Sherlock who actually both nodded their heads. “Oh that’s kind of cool.”

Over the next few minutes Maggie, Hank and a new orderly named Carl gathered everybody up and they all headed up the main door, down the stairs and out into a fenced in yard.

“Okay everybody stay within eyesight of at least one of us. We’ll be out for probably half an hour.” Carl stated before heading over to a locker and got out basketballs and other various things to ‘play’ with.

“I feel like I’m in primary school.” John stated as he saw the Frisbees and basketballs. “But kind of cool.”

“I mostly just wonder around.” Sherlock admitted. “Not much for basketballs and flying disks.”

“No I guess you wouldn’t be.” John said but smirked, “But your favorite game in the whole world is ‘Operation’. Anybody here know that?”

Sherlock glared at John but didn’t say anything. Instead he started to do what he said he did and that was wonder around. This time though he had a shadow with him. He wanted to ask John why he was following him everywhere but deducted two things. One was that John was new and needed somebody to show him around and two was that John was used to following him around outside the hospital, why not follow him around on the inside as well?

“Real sorry about trampling you earlier.” John said as they walked around the few paths they had in the fenced in area.

Sherlock shrugged, “No harm done…but what had you rushing out of your meeting with Doctor Hillard like that?” he asked curiously.

John blushed bright red, “Oh nothing…he just got to me so I left.”

“Nothing doesn’t leave you blushing like that, John.” Sherlock pointed out, trying to get John to talk. He used to be able to get John to admit anything and everything.

“It was nothing,” John said not budging one bit because there was no way he was going to tell Sherlock that he wanted him in the worst way possible and had since they first met. As he thought this he thought of Mary and he felt sick to his stomach. He DID love her but he would always love Sherlock…he just never planned on telling him. “Let’s play basketball.”

Sherlock did not understand the topic change and he was sure he had already said he did not play with basketballs. “John…”

“I know you don’t play…well I don’t either but it sounds like a good way to get some exercise.”

“Basketball?”

“Yes.”

Maggie, Carl and Hank looked on in complete and utter shock to see Sherlock Holmes playing basketball, or at least shooting hoops anyway. They had to laugh a little because it was obvious Sherlock was playing the game for the sake of his friend not because he really wanted to play.

“Sherlock you’re good at this.” John said as he watched his friend make yet another basket.

“Can we be quite done?” Sherlock questioned not taking the praise like he always did. “I need to take my normal walk before we have to go in.”

John got the idea that Sherlock wanted to be alone so he nodded at the other man and then headed over to talk with Charlie. He did talk with the other man for a minute before his eyes focused on Sherlock who was wondering the other side of the yard looking flustered and anything but happy. “What in the world is wrong with him now?” he questioned out loud but really meant to simply think it.

Charlie laughed, “What ISN’T wrong with Sherlock? That guy is simply strange. Like right now I bet he is trying to ‘solve a case’ on the mating patterns of ants.”

John didn’t laugh as he watched Sherlock, yeah something was really off with his best mate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are definitely welcome :) Tell me what ya think!


	5. Brotherly Visits & Art Classes

Mycroft Holmes came walking onto the ward around two in the afternoon a paper sack in his hand. He took one look at John Watson and sighed. “They said you were here.”

John, who had been coloring once again, looked up at the familiar voice. “Mycroft…I’m not sure what my reaction should be towards you so I will just say ‘hello’”.

“Understood,” The elder brother of his once flat mate said as he looked around the room. “Where is Sherlock?”

“Not sure.” John admitted and it was the truth. Sherlock had been absent from the main room of the ward since they came in from outside that morning. He hadn’t even seen the other man at lunch.

“Pity, I have some things he asked for.” Mycroft said as he looked down at the plain brown paper sack.

Hank came walking up to the pair and smiled. “Good afternoon Mycroft.” He said showing he was used to the older brother of Sherlock wondering around the ward. “Sherlock is in his bedroom, he has not been out much today.”

“That is surprising.” Mycroft admitted as he looked at John. “I would have thought he would be more present at activities with John here.” He shrugged, “Either way I need to speak with him and give him these items I brought.”

“Have they been looked over by the team?” Hank questioned even though he knew the answer. Mycroft had been coming to see Sherlock almost every day since he arrived at New Haven so he knew the drill on getting items ‘checked-in’ before giving them to his brother.

“Of course.” Mycroft said. “May I go to his room?”

Hank nodded, “I make no guarantees what kind of mood he’ll be in.”

Mycroft nodded, “Understood.” He said before walking down the hall and knocked on his brother’s door.

“Go away Mycroft I don’t want visitors today.” Sherlock said from inside his room. He was lying on his bed staring at the wall just feeling lousy and sorry for himself.

“Sherlock I brought you some things.” Mycroft tried but he could hear the depression in his brother’s voice…something he hated more than the anal retentiveness or manic hyperactivity. He would never tell anybody but he blamed himself for Sherlock’s psychological break 6 months earlier. If only he had gotten Sherlock out of Serbia sooner than maybe he would still just be the slightly ‘off’ sociopathic detective with Asperger’s tendencies from London. But after his physical scars were healed it was obvious the emotional and mental were staying. The two week long stay in a Serbian psychiatric hospital was not ideal so Mycroft got him out of there as quick as he could but not soon enough in his book.

At first he had thought of simply sending him back to Backer’s Street and letting him just get back to life. But realized he didn’t have a plan for returning his younger brother from the dead. So, taking his medical records and current behavior with them from Serbia he admitted him into New Haven right away, which had ended up being a good thing since his behaviors continued even back in London and away from danger.

Now here they were 6 months later and even though Sherlock had good days…the bad days still out-numbered them and today seemed like one of those days.

Sherlock heard what his brother said but didn’t make a move to get up from where he was lying. Instead he sighed loudly in a whoa-as-me way a sign he DID want attention but didn’t know how to ask for it.

Mycroft got the memo and opened Sherlock’s door and propped it open like he was told to do by orderlies on numerous occasions. He walked into the room and sat down in his normal chair. “What is going on Sherlock? Are you feeling alright?”

“Perfectly fine indeed.” Sherlock said as he turned so he was facing Mycroft but still lying on the bed. “You brought me something?”

“Why don’t you sit up and we will look at what I brought.”

Sherlock seemed unsure of this request but soon sat up so he was sitting Indian Style in the middle of the bed. “What did you bring?” he asked again, beginning to come out of his shell a bit.

Mycroft handed the paper bag to his brother and tried to get comfortable in the very uncomfortable chair. “It’s mostly things you mentioned wanting.”

“Okay,” Sherlock said as he pulled items out of the bag. There were two more leather bound journals, color crayons, coconut shampoo with matching body wash and a stuffed bear. Without thinking how it would look Sherlock grabbed the bear first and pulled it into his arms giving it a good cuddle.

‘Okaaay’ Mycroft thought to himself but learned not to question some of the thing his brother did as of late. As long as he wasn’t getting calls that his brother was in a seclusion room or trying to harm himself, or that poor soul Charlie he was a happy man. “You like it then.”

Sherlock realized what he was doing in front of his brother and quickly sat the bear down. “It’s satisfactory.”

“Right.” Mycroft said trying not to laugh. “So how are you handling having John Watson as a room neighbor again?”

“Interesting.” Sherlock replied as he was sniffing the shampoo. “He tried to kill me this morning.”

That WAS interesting but Mycroft could understand John being upset with everything that had happened. “What did he do?”

“He attacked me at breakfast and tried to strangle me.” Sherlock showed his neck where there were visible finger print bruises there.

This angered Mycroft, wasn’t it the job of the orderlies to prevent things like that from happening.

“He was then taken to seclusion…John Bloody Watson was secluded this morning on his first day on the ward.” Sherlock said sounding dumbfounded by the whole thing. “He always had a temper.”

“So you two are not mates anymore?” Mycroft questioned.

Sherlock seemed to think about that, he never completely understood what it meant to be a friend but he figured if he had one it would be John. “I think we are okay now…we played basketball.”

This had Mycroft choking on his own saliva, did his brother just say he played basketball? “Excuse me?”

“You know where you shoot a ball through a hoop…”

“I bloody well know what it is.”

Sherlock was confused if Mycroft knew what it was why did he ask? “If you already know…”

“I didn’t mean it like that….never mind Sherlock.” Mycroft never completely understood why his brother didn’t understand some things but then could talk your ear off about others. The psychiatrists and therapists tried to explain it to him. Supposedly, Sherlock had a disorder that was a mild form of autism called Asperger’s disorder which made him a very concreate thinker and often have what the doctors explained to as a ‘thing’ he was really good at and really loved upon no other thing. In Sherlock’s case it was anything to do with science and solving problems. But while he loved those things other things such as friendships and paying the rent was completely confusing to him.

And then there were times he got utterly frustrated with himself for not understanding societal norms that he would throw what could only be described as temper tantrums, which is what was about to happen right then.

Sherlock didn’t like the fact that Mycroft wad dismissing him, “No…tell me…why would you ask me something that you already know? I need to know these things!”

Mycroft’s eyes went wide, “Sherlock I simply was confused how YOU would be playing basketball and used the wrong words to ask.”

“Oh.” Sherlock said and Mycroft was thankful to have saved himself from having to call for help to calm Sherlock down.

“Well John asked me to play so we did. I was doing really well too but then asked him to stop because I had to check the ants.” Sherlock rambled. “You know they are mating again…third time this month. I never realized how the mating season of ants worked until now and it’s fascinating.”

And this is what you get when you have a Bipolar individual with Asperger’s. Somebody who talks a mile a minute about something that most people could care less about, at least Mycroft didn’t care about the mating habits of ants but he smiled and nodded in all the right places to keep his brother on even keel for his afternoon activities.

Soon Carl was coming to the door and giving it a light knock. “Excuse me guys but visiting hours are up and it’s almost art time if you want to come Sherlock.

“Can I use my new color crayons?”

Carl almost laughed but decided not to. “I am sure Ginger would love for you to join them and use your new colors.”

Mycroft stood up and smiled, “Glad to see you are willing to join the group this afternoon, Sherlock. I hope my mobile stays quiet this evening.”

Sherlock rolled his eyes, “I never PLAN on being secluded or getting into any other type of trouble.”

“I know you don’t.” Mycroft said and he meant that. He knew Sherlock was doing the best Sherlock could do at the moment. “I will see you tomorrow…and be nice to John.” With that he walked out of the room leaving Sherlock with his random items.

Before art group Sherlock put his new hygiene items in his shower and made his bed. Of course he had to put the stuffed bear resting against his pillow because from what he had learned that was what you did with such toys. He also put his journals on his bookshelf with his other used journals and grabbed his crayons before leaving the room. When he got to the nurses’ station he thought of something and knocked on the window.

A nurse came to the window and smiled at Sherlock. “How’s it going Sherlock? I hear you’ve been hiding out most the day.”

Sherlock sighed, “Can you put my name on these with a permanent marking pen?” he said shoving the crayons at her in a not so graceful sort of way.

The nurse almost didn’t catch the crayons but thankfully did or THAT would have been a disaster. “Sure.” She told the older man and went about doing his request.

“You coming to art group?” John questioned as he walked up beside Sherlock. He was happy to see that his friend was out of his room again. He always knew Mycroft was good for the other man.

Sherlock nodded, “Waiting for my crayons.”

“We need to have our own stuff?”

“No I just do.” Sherlock replied and then smiled at the nurse when she handed the 24 count pack of crayons back to him. “Thank you.” He said a bit awkwardly but it was something he was supposed to be working on.

John smirked a little but didn’t say anything as the two of them headed to the art room. Inside they found Tasha, Jennifer and Charlie all gathering supplies with who John learned was Ginger the art therapist.

“Hello gentlemen.” Ginger said giving them a big smile. “You must be John. And welcome Sherlock.”

John waved and took a seat next to Tasha and Sherlock sat on the other side.

“We are having open art studio this afternoon so you can choose what you want to make.” Ginger went on to explain, mostly to John, what kind of things there were to do.

John decided he was going to make a collage out of magazine cutouts while he watched Sherlock begin coloring a rather elaborate picture of ants with his color crayons. He wasn’t sure what it was with Sherlock and ants but then again he hadn’t seen the detective for 6 months.

“Interesting.” Sherlock said glancing at John’s collage. “Didn’t know you liked cats.”

“Me neither,” John laughed when he realized he had just made a collage of all cats and cat related items.

“Well I think it looks nice.” Jennifer said giving John a big smile. “I like cats.”

“You also like John.” Tasha added and got elbowed in the arm for her words.

“Hey you two.” Ginger warned. “Work on your projects not mess with each other.”

John chose to ignore what Jennifer said and continued to add to his cat picture, still having no idea why he was making something with cats. Quite frankly cats scared him to death.

“That is very interesting and wonderfully done Sherlock.” Ginger said as she glanced at the man’s ‘ant’ picture.

Sherlock both nodded and shook his head at the same time. “It IS interesting but not very good. The body parts of the ant cannot be defined well enough with the crayons…”

“Just say ‘thank you’, Sherlock.” Ginger said with a smile and then went on to look at the girls and Charlie’s pieces of art.

“Just say thank you Sherlock” The dark haired man repeated sarcastically causing John to snort and then laugh fully.

Sherlock looked at John, “Can I come back and live with you?”

John was taken aback by Sherlock’s words and the intense way he was looking at him. “We’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it, okay?” and for some reason he had the feeling he had to clarify what he meant. “When we both get out of this place we’ll check on Baker Street.”

“What do you mean check on it?” Sherlock was confused but rightly so.

John wasn’t sure how to tell his friend that he had moved out of the Baker Street flat a few months earlier and was now living with Mary.

“I don’t live there anymore, Sherlock.” John said figuring he would be honest.

This caught Sherlock off guard and he looked at John like he was completely bananas. “Where do you live then?”

“I…I…” John sighed, “I live with my girlfriend, Mary.”

This caught Sherlock even MORE off guard and he did something that nobody would have expected he started laughing…hysterically. “

This caught the attention of everybody in the room and had Ginger worried. “Sherlock are you okay?” she questioned going over to him and crouching down. “Is something wrong?”

“He…has a girlfriend.” Sherlock laughed to the point he was going to piss his pants. “Excuse…me…” he laughed before dashing out of the room.

Hank was on it and quickly rushed after Sherlock. “Sherlock come back…you cannot run off like that, especially not from art group.” He then got this scary thought ‘what if he has scissors’. Thinking that he grabbed Carl on the way to Sherlock’s room for extra protection.

When they got there the door was still propped open from Mycroft’s visit so both orderlies automatically felt better. If Sherlock was going to hurt himself he would have shut the door they figured.

Sherlock came out of the bathroom with a start, why was everybody standing around his room. “What’s going on?” he questioned completely and utterly confused.

“We came to see what was going on with you. You ran out of art group like a bat out of hell.”

“I had to use the bathroom.” Sherlock said and then remembered why and started laughing again.

“See he was doing this before he ran out of the room.” Hank whispered to Carl.

“Sherlock what is going on?” Carl tried again.

Sherlock stopped laughing long enough to smirk, “John has a girlfriend.”

“Yes he does.” Hank said with a nod. “Why is that funny?”

“Because he’s in love with me.”

 


	6. John Tape Hands!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everybody for the great reviews and Kudos! I am enjoying this story so much that I cannot stop writing it! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as well!

Sherlock watched as the orderlies just looked at him funny after his exclamation of John’s supposed love for him. “You might not believe me but it is true.” He told them with a small smile. He wouldn’t admit it but he kind of liked the idea of John being in love with him. He wasn’t sure how to love, beyond his brotherly love with Mycroft, but he figured he would try if John wanted to. But then he was brought back to reality. They weren’t at the Backer Street flat solving crimes together they were both in a bloody mental institution.

“Okay Sherlock,” Carl said giving the man what he felt was true, for the moment anyway. If it caused any problems for Sherlock or John they would have to have a discussion.

“Don’t tell John I know.” Sherlock spoke up when Carl and Hank were getting ready to leave his room.

“Don’t worry.” Both men said before leading the room.

Sherlock decided to skip the rest of art group read a book in his room instead. He was reading his favorite book in the world. It was about a detective and his friend who solve crimes. “I highly enjoy you Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.” He said to the book.

John stood in the doorway with a raised eyebrow and two pieces of paper in his hand. “Should I call back Maggie or Hank? Tell them you are talking to your book?” he teased.

Sherlock glared at rolled his eyes at the same time. “Oh shut up.”

John smirked and walked into the room setting the two pages down on the bed. “Thought you might want these.”

Sherlock looked down and saw not only his ‘ant’ picture but John’s ‘cat collage’ too. “Why would I want your cat picture?”

“Because it scares the shit out of me and I couldn’t bare to have it in my room.” John admitted honestly even though it sounded rather silly.

“Why not throw it in the bin?”

John shrugged, “Thought you might like it.” at the look Sherlock gave him he blushed thinking the was wrong in his thoughts “Never mind.”

“Need tape.”

“Excuse me?”

“Tape...sticky strips that hang things poorly.” Sherlock explained like John needed an explanation.

John was actually a bit confused even after Sherlock’s explanation. “You would like me to find you some tape?”

“Doris should have some at the nurses’ station.”

John muttered something about ‘always doing things for Sherlock’ as he exited the younger man’s room and headed to the nurses station. When he knocked on the glass the middle aged woman he assumed was Doris came.

“Hello Love, how are you?”

“I’m good but Sherlock is requesting tape…I think he wants to hang something on his wall.” John said thinking that was at least what Sherlock wanted to do.

“Oh that’s splendid I will get the tape.” Doris walked away.

‘Why is Sherlock asking for tape so splendid?’ John thought to himself as he waited.

Doris was back a minute later and held up the tape container. “Can I have your hands?”

“My hands?”

“Yes John I need to put piece of tape on your fingers so you can take them to Sherlock I cannot give you gents the whole thing.” Doris explained with a smile on her face.

John held out his hands and soon he felt like he could be a new movie character ‘John Tape Hands’ as he walked back to Sherlock’s room. “Knock knock.”

Sherlock was reading his book again and looked up when John came to the door. When he saw the tape on the doctor’s fingers he laughed out loud. “That is…interesting.”

“I think I should be called ‘John Tape Hands’.” The older man said as he stood there not sure what to do.

Sherlock wasn’t sure why John would call himself that but didn’t comment. Instead he hopped off the bed. He first grabbed his ‘ant’ picture and started plucking piece of tape off of John’s fingers to tape the picture to the wall. Once he was done with that he also grabbed John’s cat collage and taped it to the wall. “There” he said standing back to look at his handy work.

It was at that moment John realized the other pictures on the walls too. He wasn’t sure if Sherlock himself had made the pictures or if he had gotten them from other patients but either way it made the room look rather colorful, definitely not as bland looking as his own. “Your room looks nice Sherlock.”

“Thank you.” Sherlock said with a little bit of pride in his voice. “You won’t be here long enough to decorate your room.” He said with a wave of his hand.

This was a strange statement, or at least John thought so. “Why do you say that?”

“You’re reason to be depressed is back.” Sherlock said not trying to be ‘full’ of himself but simply stating a fact.

“Is he?”

Sherlock wasn’t sure what John meant by that. “I am here, not dead, so therefore I am back.”

“You aren’t exactly the same.” John admitted and Sherlock was silent for a good few minutes and John began to feel he had really offended the other man. “Sherlock I didn’t…”

“They say it’s always been there, I was just functioning better until Serbia.” Sherlock said, taking a seat on his bed and looking at a string on the hospital style blanket.

John took a seat next to his friend and for some reason reached over and took his hand, trying to be comforting. In the past he was one of the only people that could touch Sherlock without him getting nervous or upset. He hoped that was still the case. “I don’t mind if you have problems, Sherlock…just don’t dismiss mine.”

Sherlock looked over at John, “I wasn’t trying to…I was just being optimistic for you. I hope you are not here in 6 months like I have been.”

“I hope not either, but if you are with me I am okay.” John said as he gave Sherlock’s hand a squeeze before removing it. “Now how about we make it a mission to make my room look less…hospital-ish?”

“I’m not exactly artistic.” Sherlock said looking at his pictures. “I didn’t do most of these.”

“Well now you have your new crayons so maybe we can do something together?” John suggested. “Not like there is much else to do around here.”

Sherlock had to agree with that, but he had also gotten used to it. “Is your…girlfriend…going to visit?”

John noticed a slight disgusted tone to Sherlock’s voice but didn’t say anything about it. Instead he just answered the question. “Not right away, I don’t want her here right now.”

“Why not?”

“I just don’t.” John said not wanting to say that he was embarrassed to see his girlfriend even though he knew she was completely supportive of him getting treatment. Heck, she had been the one to bring him there in the first place.

Sherlock was still confused, “But if she loves you than she would want to be with you. I mean even Mycroft visits me every day.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” Sherlock said with a nod. “Every afternoon like clockwork, he is good about things like that.”

John nodded knowing that was true about Mycroft. “Well I am glad he does that.”

Just then there was a knock on the doorframe. “Hey gents it’s dinner time if you’re ready for it.”

“Do we have a choice?” Sherlock said knowing that wasn’t the case.

“You know the answer to that Sherlock.”

Sherlock ‘hmphed’ and walked with John and Hank out the living area of the ward. Their dinner trays were already set out on the table for them so Sherlock found his and took a seat. He made a face at the food but started to eat it anyway. They had picked out their meals of the day at breakfast so it wasn’t like it was something he hadn’t chose.

John sat next to Sherlock, where his tray was situated, and started to eat as well. The food was simply satisfactory but he ate it anyway. He had, had hospital food before and this was better than that thankfully.

“It’s rubbish.” Sherlock said after swallowing part of his fish. “But they make us eat it…well except Jennifer.”

“Oh.” John said as he glanced to his left to see Jennifer drinking something from a paper cup and straw. He then remembered her saying something about being bulimic so he understood the need for a meal substitute.

“What movie do you guys want to watch tonight?” Charlie asked from his end of the table. He was far away from everybody but it appeared that was ‘his’ space so nobody asked him to move.

“What are our options?” John questioned. “I am really up to most things though.”

Charlie started saying a bunch of movies some that John had heard of others that he had not. He could tell the younger detective was finding the whole conversation a complete bore.

“What would you watch if you could, Sherlock?” John asked his friend.

“I wouldn’t.”

“He normally reads in his room during movie time.” Tasha spoke up quietly. “Sometimes I do too so I get it.”

“I see.” John said looking at Sherlock who appeared to be finished with his food. “So what do we do around here before movie time?”

“I color.” Jennifer said nodding to the coloring area. “But you can play cards…watch a movie before real movie time if you really like movies, read a book or magazine.”

“I normally do hygiene stuff like take a shower.” Charlie said.

That reminded John that he should hopefully get his belongings that evening. The idea of wearing even his own sweat pants sounded appealing.

“Sometimes I work out on the treadmill or elliptical.” Tasha whispered as she got up and put her tray into the tray warming cart that was situated by the nurses’ station.

“What do you do Sherlock?” John asked the other man. “Do you color or play cards?” He was surprised when Sherlock actually answered the question honestly.

“I normally write in my journal. I got new ones today so that should be a pleasant activity this evening.” Sherlock said with a nod of his head.

“That is what he normally does unless he’s pacing around like a mad man.” Charlie said with a chuckle, trying to show he was kidding but he still got reprimanded for it.

“Charlie we don’t talk about other patients like that, heck we don’t talk about ourselves like that.” An orderly that John had never met said as she walked into the room with her ‘rounds’ clipboard in hand. John had seen the orderlies carrying them around all day but never asked about it.

Figuring he would ask and also get this new orderlies name he walked up to her after putting his tray away. “Hi I’m John…what do you do with those?”

“Hi John I’m Rose and we are supposed to make sure everybody is safe and sound every fifteen minutes. So we walk around with these obnoxious things and jot down what you’re doing.” She found John’s sheet and showed it to him.

John looked at the sheet and saw that the last entry she put said ‘eating’. “I understand.” He said again remembering similar things from his own psychiatric rotation in medical school.

Rose smiled, “How are you feeling right now?”

John was a bit confused by the question…or more like why she chose to ask him but he replied by shrugging his shoulders and saying. “Okay.” It was true he did feel ‘okay’ but that was far from perfect. Yes, Sherlock might be alive but that wasn’t the only thing causing him internal turmoil and depression.

“Good to hear.” Rose said before heading off to check on everybody else.

John realized quickly that Rose wasn’t the only knew orderly wondering around. He became aware that Hank, Maggie and Carl had gone him for the day leaving Rose, Mark and James in their place. It also came to his attention that Sherlock did NOT like James very much and John had to wonder what the reason was. Then the more he thought about it the more he realized that Sherlock was thinking of James Moriarty when he heard the name. Thankfully orderly James looked and acted NOTHING like the psychopathic murdering weirdo that had caused his friend so much pain. That of course was something he figured Sherlock would never admit to…but then again he didn’t really know this Sherlock fully.

Meanwhile Sherlock finished his meal and put his stuff away. He surprising walked up to John and simply stood next to him until John noticed him standing there.

“Yeah Sherlock?”

“Would you like to play a board game with me?” Sherlock asked hesitantly. It was obvious he was nervous of his friend’s response. So nervous he started to ramble. “It’s okay if you would not like to I can go in my room and read or write in my journal. Not everybody likes board games, I don’t even like them very much but thought I would be nice on your first night and engage you in an activity such as a board game.”

John put a finger to Sherlock’s lips to get him to shut up. He had done this on some occasions before back at the flat or on a case when Sherlock would get ‘stuck’ on something. He hadn’t realized until now that was a symptom…or actually he had. He remembered talking about Sherlock and Asperger’s on a few occasions. He just never realized his own deductions and medical expertise had been correct. “Sherlock I would enjoy playing a board game with you. What would you like to play?” John wasn’t sure of their options in games so he was going to let Sherlock choose.

Sherlock seemed shocked that John agreed to play a game with him that he got flustered on what to play. “I…I…I don’t know.” He said running a frustrated hand through his hair.

John deduced two things, one Sherlock still did not do well under pressure and two his friend really needed to wash his hair…actually with how close they were standing he realized his friend could probably use a proper shower. ‘Since when does Sherlock Holmes not take care of hygiene matters?’ he thought to himself but brushed it off and focused on the matter at hand…board games.

“Hey…Hey I can figure it out why don’t you find us a spot at the table to play.” John suggested. When Sherlock nodded and headed to the table, John found Mark and requested to get into the game cupboard since he and Sherlock were going to play a game.

Mark smiled and let John into the appropriate cupboard. He stood there while John searched through the games. He smiled when he found the perfect one. “Thanks.” He told Mark as he headed back to the tables. “How about Operation?” he suggested to Sherlock as he sat the game down.

Sherlock looked at the game and then smiled a little. “Nice choice.” He said.

“I thought you would think so. We used to play it at the flat all the time.” John said.

“Mycroft too.”

John had to laugh at that, he never knew the older of the Holmes boys had played the game as well. “That is interesting.” He replied as they set up the game and started playing.

The game was going nicely, Sherlock was winning but of course John didn’t care. He just enjoyed playing the game with the younger man.

Just as the game was really getting going there was commotion in the hallway and out came Charlie walking nonchalantly down the hall from his room. The only problem he was completely nude…well except for his slippers.

“Whoa,” John said and closed his eyes quickly causing him to mess up his turn trying to get one of the bones.

Sherlock was confused until he looked in Charlie’s direction and groaned. “Bloody hell Charlie do go put clothes on. Nobody wants to see your bits.”

“I’m air drying.” Charlie stated as Mark and James escorted the young man back to his room.

John could hear them telling Charlie to ‘air dry’ in his room and had to chuckle.

“It’s not funny, John.” Sherlock said making a very distinctive face in the direction his fellow patient was being escorted. “He does that quite a lot and it is getting old.”

“Understood,” John replied as he tried taking his turn at the game again, this time without a rather rude, yet still funny, interruption.  

“Jennifer no!”

John looked in the direction of the shout to see an exasperated nurse standing next to a vomiting Jennifer. It appeared she felt the closest rubbish bin was an okay place to make herself sick. John found this strange since the girl hadn’t had any form of food since dinner and that was over an hour ago. From his experience bulimics forced themselves to be ill after eating not a time beyond that.

“She must have had a snack.” Sherlock said again making a face. It was obvious he was at least slightly disgusted by his peers.

“Does she actually do that in FRONT of people often?” John said feeling himself get a little queasy enough though he was a doctor and saw all sorts of bodily fluids on a normal work day. But for some reason BEING a patient made everything all different.

Sherlock nodded, “It’s normally a nightly thing but the nurses and orderlies always seem so shocked. The girl won’t eat anything besides her Ensure drinks except at night she always eats these snacks her family brings her. That is when she spends time hovering over the rubbish bin or sometimes a potted plant.”

John made a face, “Okay that is a bit disgusting.” He glanced at Tasha. “Please tell me she isn’t going to do anything gross.”

For some reason Sherlock actually chuckled at that, “No she is meek and mild and only wants to hurt herself badly.” He then thought of something. “There is that one time she cut her wrists…that was pretty gross actually.”

“Oh wow.” John said looking even more at the girl and did see scars on one of her wrist. “That is more sad than gross.”

“You tried to kill yourself.” Sherlock pointed out.

John was confused on what this had to do with him but nodded anyway.

“How did you do it?”

“Sherlock I’m not sure that is…”

“How…did…you…do…it.”

John sighed and thought about sitting in his living room in his and Mary’s apartment with a loaded and cocked gun in his hand. He doesn’t remember much about his actual feelings except he had been crying uncontrollably by the time his girlfriend coxed the gun from his fingers. Sighing again he looked at Sherlock. “I obviously didn’t actually DO it…” he replied and when Sherlock rolled his eyes at him he added. “But I wanted to and it was with my pistol.”

Sherlock was quiet for a couple of minutes before he really looked at John. “I’m sorry.” He said and he really meant it. He wasn’t sure if it was appropriate but he meant the words.

The shock that John was feeling was massive and he was also confused. What was Sherlock apologizing for? ‘Should I care, he bloody apologized’ he thought to himself before speaking out loud. “You don’t need to apologize.”

This confused Sherlock and frustrated him all the same. Here he was actually apologizing for something he felt was necessary but it was being brushed off. “I DO need to apologize. If I hadn’t deceived you and you had known I had been alive and just working undercover than you would not have been sad and tried to hurt yourself.”

John saw Sherlock’s logic and understood his need for praise, or something like it, for his apology. “You’re right…thank you for the apology.”

Sherlock wasn’t sure if John was being honest with him, he had trouble sensing that sort of thing. So he simply nodded his head and took his turn at the game.

<><><><><><><> Movie night went smoothly. Everybody, except for Sherlock, watched Despicable Me and highly enjoyed the silly antics of Gru and his Minions. John couldn’t remember the last time he watched an animated film so it was a nice treat to just let go of real life worries and maybe be a little kid for a few hours. He had hoped Sherlock would have joined but like said earlier he never joined movie time so it wasn’t weird for him to be in his room.

After the movie was over John left the TV room and found Sherlock actually in the day room talking to one of the nurses, or more like arguing with one of the nurses.

“I only take 600mg of the Lithium at night, why are you trying to give me 900mg?” Sherlock exclaimed completely ticked off by this medication situation and quite frankly John didn’t disagree with him being upset.

“Sherlock you talked with Doctor Hillard about this yesterday. We are doing the normal 600mg in the morning and now 900mg at night to work on those moods of yours.” The nurse explained but of course Sherlock didn’t get any of it. Of course he understood the technicality of it and the amounts and changes but he didn’t get why and the change made him nervous.

“I’m not taking more medicine you people have me on ten million things as it is.” Sherlock stated crossing his arms over his t-shirt clad chest.

The nurse sighed knowing she would be calling Doctor Hillard again at almost 9pm and having him talk to Sherlock. They did this on a normal basis because they simply had to get the almost 40 year old to take his medicine one way or another. She was surprised at what happened next though.

Sherlock turned to John since he had noticed his arrival on ‘scene’. “What do you think John?”

John was taken back. “What do I think about what?”

“You’re a doctor is 900mg of lithium at night a proper dose?”

“I’m not really somebody to ask that, Sherlock….I’m not your doctor.”

“John…”

John sighed, “From what I can tell 900mg is a perfectly excepted dose of lithium to take at bedtime.” He then added. “For…er…Bipolar Disorder.”

Sherlock seemed to think about this and then turned back to the nurse. “Give me the bloody pills…but I don’t want the Ambien yet I have things to do.”

The nurse was completely flabbergasted and quite frankly a bit worried by the turn of events but if it prevented her from calling the doctor at home and it got Sherlock to take his pills then she would go for it. Before she headed back behind the glassed off desk she looked at John. “Shall I get your pills too?”

This caught John off guard even more than the situation with Sherlock. “I don’t have any medication.”

“I have something saying otherwise.” The nurse said again feeling dread, was THIS one going to be a pain too?

John shook his head, “Nobody said anything about medicine.” He then added. “Not that I am against it and won’t take it but I would have liked to know before now that I have something to take.”

The nurse was slightly relieved to hear what John was saying. “John, Doctor Hillard prescribed a few things…”

“Which are?”

“I can tell you in private if you would like.”

John shook his head, “I don’t care I’m just curious.”

“Right…well I believe he just has you on a sleeping pill for the night time. I can check the morning if you would like.” The nurse said.

John shook his head again. “What sleeping pill? I don’t need anything as strong as Ambien, at least I don’t think.”

“Just 100mg of Trazodone.”

John thought about that a second and realized it made sense. It was an old timer antidepressant that was now used for sleep because it was so sedating and hard to use during the day. “I’ll take that, but I may what to talk to the doctor before I take anything else in the morning.”

The nurse smiled, “Sounds good….I will get that after I get Sherlock his medication.”

“Sherlock has decided he doesn’t want his medication.” The younger man said from where he was sitting at the table waiting somewhat patiently for said medication. He thought he was being funny but the nurse looked like she was going to have a fit of some sort if he honestly meant he would not take his meds.

John walked over and sat cross from Sherlock. “I’m taking mine.” He told his friend. “I’m not used to taking medicine unless it’s for pain or the flu. Maybe you can help me figure out how it’s done?”

Sherlock looked confused, was John really asking for his help. “You just pop them in and swallow.”

“What do you take Sherlock?”

“Why do you want to know?” Sherlock questioned a look of suspicion on his face.

John shrugged, “Just want to know what is going on with my friend.”

Sherlock wasn’t sure about this question but answered it anyway. “Do you mean right now or all the time?”

“Right now is fine.”

“Lithium, Abilify, Zyprexa, Clonazepam and Ambien.” (AN: I am unsure if all of these medications are in the UK or if they go by the same names but since I don’t know any better this is what I am going with THANKS)

John’s eyes went wide he couldn’t believe his best friend was on so many medications and from what he knew about psychopharmacology they were heavy duty ones at that. When he saw Sherlock get a bit freaked he tried to change the look on his face to one of less shock. “Okay.” He simply said and gave a smile.

Soon the nurse came out of the station with a med cup and water. She went to Sherlock and unlike normal he took the pills without a fuss, even showed the inside of his mouth when asked without causing problems. The nurse gave John a ‘thank you’ look and then spoke to him. “I will get you that Trazadone next.”

“Thank you.” John said as he eyed Sherlock for a second before asking him a question that was rather personal but he figured Sherlock asked outlandish questions all the time he might as well do it too. “Do you hallucinate?”

Sherlock didn’t even appear shocked by the question but instead answered it. “Yes.”

“Hear or see stuff?”

“Both.”

“Bummer.” John said feeling for his friend. “How long?” he had, had his suspicions for years that Sherlock was hallucinating but the younger man could pull it off as being in his ‘Mind Palace’ or simply out of sorts from a complex deduction.

Sherlock had been looking down at the table but now looked up again. “You know the answer to that John.”

“Yeah, I guess I do.” John looked at the clock and saw it was going on 9:30pm. “I think I’m going to take a shower and turn in, after I get my medication that is.” He kind of hoped his statement of taking a shower would persuade Sherlock to do the same but the other man seemed aloof to this.

“Goodnight John.” Sherlock said as he stood up. “See you in the morning.” He headed down the hall to his room, closing the door behind him.

The nurse came out with John’s pill a moment later and when he was done he asked about his clothes. He was directed to talk to one of the orderlies so he headed in the direction of where everybody was still watching another movie and the orderlies were joining. He was a bit surprised that not at least one of them were out with him and Sherlock doing their ‘rounds’. He found Rose by the door so he thought it would bother the other patients less if he talked to her.

“Hey Rose…”

Rose looked up from the form she was working on and smiled. “John I was just coming to find you. How are you?”

“I’m okay, just curious if I get my belongings tonight. I was told I could possibly get them.”

Rose stood up and walked with John to the nurses’ station. “Let me check what Doctor Hillard put in your chart.”

John grumbled when he heard the doctor’s name but stood patiently by the door to the station and waited.

Rose came back a minute later with a paper sack in her hands. “This should be everything you brought in. You did a good job of packing only items that are allowed.”

John wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not but took the bag. “Thank you.” He said and then thought of something else. “Can I get towels and other shower things? I didn’t pack any of that kind of thing.”

“Of course, be right back.” Again Rose headed into the nurses’ station.

Beginning to feel a big sleepy, John sat down at the table to wait, his paper sack sitting on the table next to him. Rose took longer this time but when she came back she had a handful of towels and some med cups with shampoo and body wash in her hands.

John thanked her for the items and carried everything, teetering on falling, to his room. He was really beginning to feel the effects of the Trazadone as he got ready for his shower. He almost thought about putting it off when he decided to just do a fast one. So he quickly showered, changed into some pajamas he had brought with him and climbed into bed. He sighed, looking up at the ceiling, his first day on the ward had definitely been interesting and he had learned so much about Sherlock he never figured he would know. He was interested what would happen the next day. It was with that in mind that he fell asleep, thinking of Sherlock Holmes.

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Tantrums & Cats?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just taking a moment to thank everybody for the lovely reviews and kudos! You all rock!

“John…” Sherlock whispered slightly shaking his friend who was lying in bed…sort of asleep.

John startled more than he already was and opened his eyes looking around frantically. It was then he spotted Sherlock sitting on the edge of his bed. “Sherlock?”

“You were crying.” Sherlock said still whispering, for whose benefit he wasn’t sure. Could it be because he wanted to be nice and quiet for the sleepy John or because he didn’t want to be heard and possibly get in trouble?

John reached up and wiped at his eyes realizing he had indeed been crying. “Shit.” He said trying to compose himself. It was then he realized something. “Wait you could hear that?”

“The walls are thin.” Was Sherlock’s explanation.

“Jesus!” John exclaimed quietly as he rubbed his face even more, trying to wake up enough to talk with Sherlock and get over the horrible dream he was having. Actually, having Sherlock there was quite comforting since the dream he had been having was about that fateful day that Sherlock supposedly jumped off the roof of Bart’s.

“Don’t worry you didn’t wake me, I was up reading.” Sherlock said as if that was exactly what John was worried about.

John was a bit worried though, but not about waking Sherlock but about the fact that he was already awake. “What time is it?”

“Probably around 4am.” Sherlock answered. “I haven’t been out to look at the clock in a few hours.”

“You’re on bloody Ambien and yet you’re wide away at 4am?”

“Appears that way.”

“Wow.”

“Mania does that to a person, so I’m told.” Sherlock said with a shrug and when he noticed the worried look on John’s face he added. “It’s one reason I’m here John.”

John sighed and ran a hand the best he could through his short hair. “I just hate to think of you being sick…but I guess it’s not a new thing.”

“It’s not.” Sherlock assured him even though he wasn’t sure why those words were reassuring. He then added, “Why were you crying in your sleep? Or were you awake?”

“I was asleep.” John said not answering the other question at first but the way Sherlock was looking at him expectantly he sighed. “I was dreaming about you jumping off a bloody building.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah ‘oh’.” John heard the bitterness in his voice before he could stop it.

Sherlock pouted a little, “I’ve already apologized for that.”

“I probably have PTSD or something from that charade so this is how I show it I fucking cry in my sleep.” John couldn’t help it he was pissed but he wasn’t sure what or who he was pissed at.

“You could stay up with me.” Sherlock suggested, continuing the conversation and ignoring John’s outburst. John isn’t sure if that was to be nice or he simply didn’t understand the emotions so he was ignoring them.

John sighed, “Sherlock I don’t think they will let us stay up together, we’re supposed to be sleeping.”

Sherlock knew this was a true statement and sighed, “Just thought I would ask.”

“And it was nice of you but I think I should try to get back to sleep and maybe YOU should try and sleep too.” John was the one with a suggestion this time.

Sherlock sighed and nodded his head. He KNEW he should go to sleep but that didn’t mean he wanted to or could for that matter. “I will leave you be.” He got up from the bed and headed for the door. “I hope you can sleep again and this time without the tears.”

“Hey Sherlock?”

Sherlock stopped in the doorway and turned around to look at John, not saying anything but waiting expectantly for what John was going to say.

“I’m sorry.”

This confused the younger man, “For what?”

“Not wanting to stay up with you…you seem sad about it.”

Sherlock sighed, “Goodnight John.” He said before walking out of the room and next door to his own. There he kicked off his slippers and sat on his bed with another sigh. He really WAS upset that he and John couldn’t stay up together. They used to do it all the time when they lived together on Baker Street. But now here they were at New Haven with a completely different atmosphere and rules. Sometimes he just HATED the rules.

Lying down in bed he pulled the covers up to his chin and tried to fall asleep but it was no good. He kept thinking of the next day and all the things he could do with John. Yes, they may be at the hospital but maybe they could play basketball again or a board game? Or he could teach John about his ants. Just the thought of doing those things had him giddy and even more awake. “Fuck it.” he said out loud to his room as he got up and went back next door to John’s room. He didn’t knock just simply walked into the room.

Thankfully John was still awake and didn’t start when his door opened. At first he thought maybe it was an orderly doing room checks but then realized who it was. “What is it Sherlock?”

“We need to have fun…tonight.”

John sighed and propped himself up on his elbows. “Sherlock I already said we would get in trouble. We are supposed to be sleeping or I guess spending time in our rooms doing something quiet.” He was assuming all of this since he really didn’t know the rules but by the look on Sherlock’s face he figured this was all true.

“I don’t care.” Sherlock said bounding a little in his spot. “Come on let’s go play Operation again.”

“Sherlock I’m tired.” John lied because quite frankly when he had dreams like the one he just had he normally couldn’t get back to sleep. When he saw Sherlock giving him a ‘You’re lying’ look he sighed. “I really don’t want to get in trouble.”

“Stop being an ass and come hang out with me.” Sherlock said actually sounding upset that it was taking John this long to agree to a night of fun…well as much fun as they could have.

“I’m being an ass?” John sat up fully and got out of bed. He grabbed his slippers as he talked. “If we get into some major trouble and we both end up in a seclusion room then I am not going to be an ass I’m going to be pissed.”

“Understood.” Sherlock simply said.

“Well here goes nothing.” John said as he grabbed a hoodie from his clothes pile he had yet to put away and followed Sherlock down to the day room. Like the night before the lighting in the room was dim and the only noise he could hear was the faint sound of a movie playing in the nurses’ station. The night orderlies probably trying to do something to keep themselves awake. “What are we going to do? We can’t play a game without somebody letting us into the game cupboard.”

“Then we’ll ask.”

This confused John, “We’re going to ASK to be…insubordinate.”

Sherlock nodded his head. “Yes I guess so.” He walked to the nurses’ station and knocked on the window.

Chris, from the night before, walked out the door and was shocked to see both John and Sherlock standing there. “Umm hi guys.”

“We would like to play a board game.” Sherlock said with a nod of his head.

Chris sighed, “Sherlock it’s time to be sleeping, not playing board games.”

Sherlock shook his head, “My friend here, John, cannot sleep. He had a dreadful dream so he needs a distraction.”

John rolled his eyes.

“If John is having a problem then he can talk with one of us, but as for board games that will have to wait until tomorrow.” Chris said firmly.

“Come on Sherlock it’s not a big deal.” John whispered REALLY not wanting to get in trouble.

Sherlock huffed, puffing out his chest. “This is terrible service.” He simply said before literally stomping down the hall to his bedroom and slamming the door.

John sighed and for some reason felt he needed to apologize for the whole situation. “I’m sorry…I really did have a nightmare and I think he’s trying to help.” ‘In an odd way’.

Chris smiled, “No harm done…now do you need something to help you get back to sleep? Maybe just some tea?”

“No I’m fine.” John said before giving a little wave and heading back to his own room.

<><><><><><><> The next time John woke up it was almost 10am. Of course he didn’t know this right away since he didn’t have a clock, but by the time he got his slippers on and padded his way out to the day room he was surprised to see everybody up and milling around. This was a cause for alarm so he quickly found the clock again and gasped. “Jesus did I sleep that long?”

Hank laughed as he passed by the other man. “You looked like you needed it and we heard about your escapades with Sherlock last night so we didn’t bother to wake you up.” He explained.

“Right,” John said as he looked around some more. “So I missed breakfast?”

“We saved your tray.” Hank said. “I will get it for you.”

“Thanks.” John walked and took a seat at the table, away from the group that was coloring. He wasn’t sure why but he wasn’t feeling very sociable that morning.

Hank returned with John’s breakfast tray and menu to fill out for the rest of the day. He was in the middle of eating his food when Sherlock plopped down across from him.

“Good morning.” The way too chipper detective stated.

John mumbled a ‘hello’ around a bite of his scrambled eggs.

“Those are actually eatable.” Sherlock said nodding towards the eggs on John’s plate. “That is all I ate this morning. I don’t like the bacon or sausage, but the eggs are rather delicious.”

“Sherlock I don’t need this right now.” John said meaning the man’s rambles about…wait was he rambling about food? Since when did Sherlock Holmes even THINK about food?

Sherlock pouted a little but got up from the table and wondered off someplace else. This John was thankful for, at least for the time being.

“John I heard you wanted to talk to me before taking your medication this morning.”

John looked up from his food to see Dr. Hillard standing there. He was a bit confused by the older man’s statement but then remembered mentioning wanting to talk to somebody about his meds before taking them. He gave the man his best smile even though he didn’t feel very happy at the moment.

Doctor Hillard noticed John’s affect and sat down next to him at the table. “Not a happy kind of morning?” he asked gently.

“I suppose not, not sure why though. Maybe it’s waking up late.” John said still eating his food. If the doctor wanted to talk now then he would have to deal with him eating too. “I don’t always do well when things don’t go as planned…but then again that is the story of my life.”

“John we’ll have a more detailed time together later on this morning or this afternoon but right now I do want to discuss medication so you can take it and hopefully start feeling the results.”

John nodded and pointed around the room, “Can we stay here? I don’t care if anybody else is listening.”

“Sure,” Doctor Hillard smiled. “Now this isn’t going to be a really long conversation since I am simply starting you off on one scheduled medicine and then a pill if you need it.”

“Okay”

“Have you heard of Paxil?”

John nodded his head, “Yes it’s an antidepressant.”

“That is correct, do you think that would be an okay thing to start taking this morning?”

“Okay.” John said after thinking for a second. “And the ‘ass needed’?”

“Simply 1mg of Clonazepam for if your anxiety becomes a problem.”

John was more hesitant about this but nodded, “Sure.” He said not sure he would need the medicine but then realized he was living with Sherlock Holmes again so anxiety was definitely something on the horizon.

“Perfect, I will tell Doris that you are ready for your first Paxil dosage if that is okay.” Doctor Hillard said and when John nodded he headed off the other way.

“Lovely.” John sighed and finished his breakfast.

<><><><><> John didn’t see Sherlock again until around lunch time, he even missed going outside which John thought was odd since that meant he missed time with his ants. John had wanted to give the man some space but was about to go tell him about lunch being ready when the man made an appearance on his own. “Hey there you are.” He said to his friend.

Sherlock sat down in his meal spot and simply looked at John with a weird expression that John couldn’t place.

“You okay?” John questioned. “You missed outside time.”

“Fine.”

John sighed, he was really not getting Sherlock’s mood swings over the past day. One second he was jabbering his ear off and the next he is getting one word answers. As he thought this he realized once again that this was something Sherlock had done for years.

“What’s with the sighing and grumpiness today, John?” Sherlock questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“You haven’t been out of your room most of the day how do you know how I’ve been. I could have been a ray of sunshine.” John said.

“He’s been pissy.” Jennifer stated from where she was seated reading some celebrity gossip magazine.

“How come?” Sherlock continued to press.

Once again John sighed and looked at Sherlock in slight frustration. “I’m allowed to be in a bad mood.”

“Maybe he needs a wank.” Charlie stated from his spot doing a crossword puzzle at the table.

This caused John to start coughing and he looked at Charlie like he had completely lost his mind. What surprised him even more was when Sherlock nodded his head

“That might help.” The younger detective said and looked at John clinically. “Pent up anything is never good John.”

John shook his head like crazy and stood up. “I’m fucking fine!” he actually screamed before pushing his chair back so far that it hit the floor. He didn’t bother to pick it up as he stormed to his room, also slamming his door.

John was in his room for a whole two minutes before there was a knock on the door. He was lying in the middle of his bed face planted in his pillow, completely embarrassed for his outburst. “Go way.” He called to whoever was at the door.

Carl poked his head into the room even though John had said to leave. “John…”

“I said go away!” Again he screamed for the second time that day.

“We need to make sure you’re safe.” Hank said indicating that he was also at the door.

John rolled over so he was lying on his back looking up at the ceiling. “I’m fine.”

“People who are fine don’t scream obscenities in the day room and then almost cause their doors to come off their hinges.” One of the young orderlies said. “So what’s up John?”

John actually glanced at his door to see if it had gone off its hinges, of course it hadn’t. “I want things to be back to normal.” He said softly but not exactly a whisper.

“How so?” Hank asked gently, pulling a chair up to sit at the edge of John’s bed. The older man was still on his back looking up at the ceiling but this didn’t seem to bother Hank.

“With Sherlock and I. I wish we could have had some sort of crazy ass party last night like we could have when we lived together. I wish I didn’t know Sherlock had all these crazy problems and take all these ridiculous medications.” John could tell that Hank was going to interrupt and had an idea what he was going to say. “Yes I know he’s had problems for years but *I* didn’t know about them so it was like they weren’t there. He is an amazing scientist and detective and now he goes around studying fucking ants!” John sighed and sat up putting his head in his hands. “It’s just really hard for me to see him like this, it makes me sad…even slightly more depressed but yet it’s not like I want a transfer or something.”

“I get what you are saying, John.” Hank said feeling bad for the other man. “This has got to be hard for you, but there really isn’t much we can do except for accept Sherlock for who he is and maybe even love him a little bit for it.”

John knew Hank wasn’t declaring his unedifying for Sherlock and understood what he was saying. “I do accept him, it’s just hard….and makes me feel crummy, just a little.”

Hank chuckled, “I would say quite a bit if that is what caused that blow out. You made Jennifer cry.”

John’s eyes went wide. “Oh Jesus…I never meant to do that.”

“Well then get your butt up and go apologize to her…to everybody.”

“Right.” John said with a sigh. “Give me a few minutes and I will be out there.”

Hank stood up and put Sherlock’s chair back at his desk. “Sounds good.” He then left the room.

John sat in his room thinking for a good half an hour before he felt ready to join the rest of the group. When he was leaving his room he almost ran into Mycroft who was heading for Sherlock’s room.

“Good day, John.” The older man said even smiling at John.

“Hello Mycroft…come to see Sherlock?” John knew that was a dumb question but asked it anyway.

“And you too actually.” Mycroft said holding up a sack. “Sherlock called this morning saying you were feeling poorly and could use cheering up…gave me a list of things to bring.”

John was shocked Sherlock actually got him presents? Or at least have his brother get him presents.

“Why don’t you go tell one of the orderlies that you will be in Sherlock’s room with me during my visit and then come join us?”

“Right.” John said as he headed off to find somebody to talk to. When he did he found Maggie sitting with Jennifer both looking at magazines. It was then he remembered he was supposed to apologize to Jennifer for making her cry earlier. He still couldn’t believe he had done something like that.

“Hey girls.” He said taking a seat next to Maggie.

The girls both gave him a smile. “Hi John.” They both said at the same time which caused everybody to giggle a bit.

John cleared his throat, “I wanted to apologize to you Jennifer for upsetting you with my behavior.”

Hearing this caused Jennifer to smile even more. “Thanks John…and it’s okay I get it.”

“Okay good.” John was about to get up and leave when he remembered the real reason he came to the day area. “Oh and Maggie is it okay if I spend time with Sherlock and Mycroft in Sherlock’s room? I guess there are presents involved.”

Maggie laughed shaking her head. “Wow he is even bringing stuff for other people, that man is something else.” She honestly wasn’t sure what to think of Mycroft Holmes, he was rather mysterious.

“So can I?” John questioned feeling a bit like a little kid with this asking for permission thing.

“Of course but please leave the door propped and if you guys decide to go someplace else on the ward please let us know.”

“Sure.” John said before dashing off towards Sherlock’s room. When he got there Sherlock was sitting on his bed and two chairs were around it, one Mycroft was already sitting on. “Hi.” He said to the brothers as he walked into the room and took what he assumed was his seat.

“How are you?” Sherlock questioned, eyeing his friend curiously. “You look better.”

John had to smile a little, “Had a bit of a chat with Hank a few minutes ago that made he feel better.”

“Good.” Sherlock replied and then pushed the bag on the bed in John’s direction. “These are for you.”

John took the back curiously and glanced at Mycroft.

“It won’t explode.” Mycroft stated and like Sherlock encouraged him to ‘get on with it’.

John opened the bag and pulled out first a bottle of lavender body wash and under further inspection found a bottle of matching shampoo. “Wow this is great, I don’t have my own stuff here.” He said with a smile.

“John there is more.”

“I can see that.” John said as he pulled out a small box of crayons with a laugh. “Like yours.”

“Yes.” Sherlock smiled. “Come on…more.”

By the time John was done looking through the bag he came up with the hygiene items the crayons, two sketchbooks, three journals and of course a stuffed cat….wait a cat? John looked at Sherlock in amusement at the stuffed animal. “You get me the one animal I am afraid of?”

“I think it’s cute.” Sherlock said as he took the animal from John and looked it over. It was an orange tabby with a green collar. It was quite cute if you liked cats. “Yes it’s cute.”

John took the cat back and also looked it over. “It is kind of cute.” He had to admit. “So it’s mine?”

“All of this is yours, John.” Mycroft said and added. “Isn’t that obvious?”

“I guess so…and thanks.” John said to both men. He then stood up and gathered his things. “I will let you two visit and I will go put my new things away. See you later Sherlock and thanks again Mycroft.”

Sherlock and Mycroft watched John leave and Mycroft could tell that Sherlock was sad to see his friend go. “I could leave early today so you can spend time with John.”

“What? No…we’ve got time.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews would be wonderful....thank you :)


	8. Showers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the attention this story is getting. I will warn you things might get a little less fuzzy over the next few chapters but we're in a mental hospital right? ANYWAY thanks again!

“We’re going outside again?” Sherlock questioned as he walked into the day room. He thought he heard one of the orderlies say something about going outside and he was trying hard not to get his hopes up. He hadn’t gone outside that morning so he REALLY needed to check on his ants before the next day. He had planned on asking for a pass to go outside that evening but now he might not have to and could save his weekly pass for something else…not like he ever used it though. As he thought about passes he realized John might not know about them so he should tell the older man at some point. He put that in the back of his mind to do later. Right now he was more focused on making sure they really were going outside.

“What?”

That was John he had been the closest in ear shot to Sherlock’s question.

“I asked if we’re going outside again, I thought I heard Carl say something about it.” Sherlock stated as he looked around for Carl so he could ask him.

“I saw him letting your brother out.” Tasha surprisingly spoke up. “Should be back after that I would suppose.”

“But you guys didn’t hear anything about it?” Sherlock questioned still looking around for Carl. He DID spot Maggie though so he walked over to her. “Hey Maggie are we going back outside this afternoon or evening?” it was the middle of July so it did not get dark until around 9pm so Sherlock didn’t care if they even waited until after dinner to go out.

Maggie smiled at the giddy sound to Sherlock’s voice. “We were talking about it…it might not be until after dinner though.”

Sherlock actually clapped his hands, “Perfect! Thank you.” He then dashed off causing everybody in the room to watch him leave with odd expressions on their faces.

<><><><><><><>  


“How long do we have?” Sherlock asked Rose who had come on shift during dinner time.

Rose looked to Mark who also shrugged and looked at James.

Sherlock rolled his eyes. “You lot are useless.” He said walking off to do whatever it was he did with the ants. Nobody exactly understood, but it kept Sherlock occupied and seemed to help work that part of his brain that was a graduate chemist and consulting detective.

Thinking of that had John laughing. He wondered if the ants had called Sherlock and asked him to solve a crime? The more the thought about it the more he wondered if that was true. What if Sherlock was actively hallucinating and the ants WERE talking to him? That thought made him a bit worried so he thought he would check on his best mate and try and keep him in reality…somehow. If he had to that is.

“Hey mate.” John said as he joined Sherlock by the fence. He was using a plastic magnifying glass to look at a group of ants. Of course the plastic was far from perfect but it worked fairly well.

Sherlock looked up and gave John a small smile, “Hi.” He said before looking back at the group of ants. He then jotted something down on a piece of paper and looked down again.

“What are they doing?” John questioned curiously.

“Mating.”

John’s eyes went wide. “How would you even KNOW an ant was doing THAT?”

“Just look.” Sherlock gave John the magnifying glass and waited for his friend to look at the ants. “Do you see?”

Honestly John couldn’t see much of anything but realized these were rather large ants and thought maybe he would give Sherlock another puzzle to solve. “Sherlock…”

“Hmm?”

“Are ants in this area of the country supposed to be that large?” John asked and saw something spark in Sherlock’s eyes, this made John smile slightly.

Sherlock looked at the ants for a good few minutes in silence. When he spoke up it was a mile a minute. “These are definitely not your normal ants.” He said glancing at the hospital. “Somebody is experimenting on them.”

Okay so THIS paranoia was NOT what John was looking for and he mentally hit himself in the head for suggesting such a thing. BUT now that he had he figured he had to continue it. He just hoped he didn’t get in trouble with a doctor or something. “You think so?” he asked the young detective. “Why would somebody do that?”

Sherlock was quiet but a huge smirk started to spread across his face. John was about to ask what was going on when Sherlock started to laugh hysterically to the point he fell from his crouched position onto the grass. “Oh John I cannot believe you fell for that.” He shook his head. “I’m not so delusional that I would actually believe the ants are being tampered with. They are simply your average ant.”

John stood there with his mouth open

“Oh John close your mouth you’re going to swallow a fly”

“You were teasing me?” John said actually quite impressed with Sherlock, the younger man had never been that great at jokes. Normally his jokes were mean or involved some sort of bodily fluid or object.

“Yes you silly man.” Sherlock smiled and then patted the spot next to him on the grass. He had put his magnifying glass back in its pouch so John figured he was finished with his ant documentation for the evening and now wanted to do something…else?

John sat next to Sherlock and brought his legs into an Indian Style position. The more he sat next to Sherlock though he was reminded the other man hadn’t showered in…well…who knows how long. Sighing he turned to the detective. “Hey Sherlock?”

“Yes John?”

“Do you want to borrow my body wash tonight? It smells really good.” John actually reached up and touched Sherlock’s greasy curls and added. “The shampoo too.”

Sherlock was caught off guard but he wasn’t upset. “Why would I do that?”

“Just thought you would like to smell good…”

“I have coconut body wash much like your lavender.” Sherlock explained. “So I don’t need to borrow yours, but thank you for the offer.”

‘Okay so he has hygiene supplies and just isn’t using them?’ John thought to himself, this was even weirder than he thought. He felt rather ‘parental’ with the next thing he said but felt he should at least try something. “Sherlock, why don’t we try out our new stuff together?”

Sherlock actually looked dumfounded at what John just said but again wasn’t the nature of the question but more how it was said. “How are we to wash TOGETHER?”

John realized what he said and blushed. “I don’t mean in the SAME shower I meant we can both try out our new hygiene items tonight and maybe compare how they smell? I bet the girls will love to smell it and want to try them out too.” Again he had NO idea why he said the last part.

“Why do I want the girls to smell me…John you are making absolutely no sense.” Sherlock said and patted John on the knee. “If you want me to take a shower you should just ask.”

John was now dumfounded, flabbergasted and any other weird word you could think of. Sherlock was seriously confusing him tonight. First the ant thing and now this. “Okay fine…take a shower Sherlock you smell worse than the rubbish bin after Jennifer had vomited in it.”

“Well that is graphic.” Sherlock said making a face. “I should not smell like vomit, I have not gotten sick in quite some time.”

“Sherlock I did not mean you smelled exactly like vomit…you just basically stink.”

“Right.” Sherlock said as he thought about that. “It has been a while.”

“How long?” John asked and then cursed himself ‘why would I ask that? Why should I care?’

Sherlock didn’t seem to care and answered the question. “A week I think.”

“They bloody let you go a week without showering?” John was mad now, shouldn’t the orderlies, nurses and doctors make the patients shower? He knew everybody was rather mentally ill but that didn’t mean they should go time without showering, it wasn’t hygienic…or healthy.

“Oh no…they try.” Sherlock said and then laughed a kind of creepy kind of laugh. “I just end up in seclusion every time they do…see I don’t like water much.”

John was fascinated by this. This was something he was sure Sherlock didn’t have a problem with before the ‘incident’. “What’s wrong with water?”

Sherlock shifted in his seat and looked like he was about to close off and not answer the question when he started talking. “When I was in Serbia one of the things they did was a type of water torture I guess you would call it. They were trying to get information from me and instead of continuing the beatings they actually took me to the officer’s showers and tied me up, leaving me in the running water for hours.”

John felt awful for asking Sherlock to explain himself. He also felt awful that Sherlock had to go through what he just mentioned. “Wow.” He replied not sure what else to say. It was then he thought of something. “How in the world did Mycroft stay in Serbia after you were captured? I mean it went beyond looking for Moriarty.”

Again Sherlock looked like he wasn’t going to talk but ended up doing so anyway. “He knew.”

“What?”

“Mycroft was there…for some of it anyway.”

“Jesus Christ.” John was on his feet pacing the small patch of grass. “He just gave me presents…gave YOU presents. How could you even let him come see you after that?”

Sherlock sighed, “He’s helped me John…I’ve learned to work through that aspect of my bondage.”

“Your FUCKING brother watched you get beaten while in a weird country probably already know that you were mentally ill and this was just going to throw you over the edge because we all know that Mycroft knows fucking everything before it happens.” John was still pacing and if he looked in the right direction he would have seen Mark and James standing in a stance ready to go into battle if they were needed.

“John quiet down” Sherlock hissed. HE did look in the right direction and knew the look on the orderlies faces. “You keep up the cursing and wailing you’ll get yourself in trouble.”

“I don’t bloody care! Somebody hurt my best friend in the whole wide world and by God I am going to hoot and holler about it.” John said the last words as a yell causing everybody in the yard to look at him.

Sherlock put his head in his hands and actually started to rock a little in his seat. “John it’s not a big deal.” He whispered.

“Just LISTEN to yourself!” John’s words were said in disgust…but not at Sherlock, actually at this point he was so worked up he wasn’t sure who he was mad at. Was he really mad at Mycroft or was he mad at the Serbians? OR was he still mad at Sherlock for being ‘different’ than his ‘normal’ Sherlock.

Mark, Rose and James had, had enough and decided to intervene.

Rose went to Sherlock to make sure the rocking man was okay while Mark and James went and stood next to John.

“Hey John…let’s calm down, yeah?” James said calmly.

“And you can fuck off.” John said with a smirk on his face.

“John we’re going to go inside. Can you walk inside with me?” Mark tried they honestly did NOT want to have to restrain or seclude the acting out man but would if they had to. The only issue is they were outside and that made things more difficult. It was times like this that verbal intervention was key.

“No.” John spat…literally spat, getting Mark right in the cheek.

Normally that would have been enough to seclude John, but since they were farther away from the seclusion rooms than normal they had to brush it off and deal with it later.

Rose decided to speak up from her spot next to Sherlock who was now muttering to himself as he rocked, trying to sooth himself. “John look at Sherlock, you’ve upset him.” She was going to say ‘terribly’ at the end but figured that might be a bit too strong. She knew from experience the young detective would come out of this just fine. Of course an apology would be needed...from John that is.

This actually worked a little and John turned to look at the upset Sherlock. He still had fire in his eyes and was on the edge of completely losing it but seeing his friend made it so he actually glanced at Mark, ready to listen to him.

“Inside?”

Everybody sighed a big sigh of relief as John walked with Mark inside, leaving James and Rose outside to deal with everybody else. There would be nurses on the ward that could help if Mark had problems with John. The main thing is John appeared to need time to process whatever was going on and it was best the rest of the patients weren’t with him.

Once inside John walked right to a chair and flipped it over. When that didn’t work the flipped another one. Mark would have stepped in and try to stop him but for some reason he knew John would stop and this is what he needed

John didn’t flip anything else but kicked a few reclining chairs and tossed some papers on the floor. By the time he was finished and slid into a chair the day room looked like a war zone or that a tornado had hit. As he sat in the chair he put his head in his hands and cried…really…really cried.

Mark stood back having the strongest urge to go over and hug the other man because it seemed like he could really use a good strong hug. Of course he didn’t do this because it was against the rules but he did walk to the nurses’ station and requested a cup of water.

John didn’t look up until Mark held out a glass of water in his field of vision. He almost didn’t take it, figuring he didn’t deserve it but the longer Mark held it there the more he knew he needed it. He didn’t say thank you just sipped the water quietly.

“When you are ready to talk we’ll talk. When you are ready to situate the day room we’ll do that.” Mark told the other man. He wasn’t exactly forceful but it was firm enough for John to know that he WOULD be talking and WOULD be cleaning up his mess.

John was quiet for a good fifteen-twenty minutes before he sat the cup down on the floor and looked up at Mark who was now sitting in a chair next to him.

“Ready?”

“Can we clean first?” John asked in a scratchy voice from all the tears. He figured he probably looked completely awful too.

Mark thought about this before nodding. “Sure.”

So the two guys got to work on cleaning up the day room. Many papers were torn and needed to be thrown away but nothing was broken which John was thankful for. He had a feeling hospital furniture was rather expensive and didn’t fancy having to pay for any of it.

Thankfully they chose to clean up the room first because halfway into it Mark got a call on his walkie-talkie saying the rest of the group needed to come inside so Sherlock could use the bathroom. So since things were physically fine on the ward the rest of the group came in and Sherlock literally RAN to his room.

If John was thinking clearer he would begin to wonder about his friend dashing to the bathroom two days in a row. That wasn’t exactly normal behavior for a 39 year old.

“John do you want to have that talk in your room?” Mark questioned and could tell John had hoped he would have forgotten that part.

John nodded his head and walked with Mark down the hall to his room. Even though the orderly had to prop the door open John still felt like his privacy was being recognized and he was thankful for that. The two men were quiet for a few minutes, Mark obviously waiting for John to speak up.

“He is infuriating.”

“Who is?”

“Sherlock.”

Mark nodded his head, “What did Sherlock do that got you THAT upset. I mean you were screaming at him.”

“I’m not sure if you know his story…about Serbia so I don’t really want to tell you his stuff. But he informed me of something that made me very mad and very, very sad.” John said honestly trying to talk through what happened without being disrespectful to Sherlock.

“I know about his history, I might know more stories than you do but of course like you I don’t want to share his information without his consent.” Mark said showing his understanding. “Can you tell me how it started?”

“I was trying to get him to take a shower.” John said with a slight laugh. “He reeks.”

Mark laughed too, “That’s Sherlock.”

John shook his head, “Not the old Sherlock the man would take showers sometimes three times a day and he LOVED baths.”

This was interesting to Mark, “Fascinating.”

“I guess.” John said but continued his story. “So we were talking about showers and somehow it came up that he wasn’t fond of showers. He then told me some stories that were really disturbing and well I flipped out.”

“You got mad at him because of something that happened in his abusive past?”

John shook his head, “No just part of something he said. I am really upset about the abuse but I am NOT upset at him.”

Mark nodded, “Well you’ve got a whole group of people to apologize to.”

“Figured as much.” John replied with a sigh. “What in the world is wrong with me?”

“Don’t sweat it so much John you’ll make yourself sick.” Mark said as he stood up and put the chair back. “Now compose yourself and go out and talk with your friends.”

John was going to say that not everybody was his friend but figured that wasn’t very nice and he did like the rest of the patients even though they were a tad weird. He worked on composing himself for about fifteen minutes before he left his bedroom and went out to join everybody in the day room. Everybody was there, including Sherlock so he was happy to get the apology over with in one swoop. Of course he planned on REALLY talking with Sherlock and apologizing ten-fold when they got the chance.

Everybody accepted his apology and soon he was playing a game of ‘Go Fish’ with everybody including Rose and James.

Once the game was done it was movie time so everybody got ready to go into the TV room. Tonight they would be watching some movie that quite frankly John didn’t care to see. He decided to see if Sherlock would want to talk even though it would interrupt his journal writing time.

“Hey Sherlock!” John called to his friend as he headed down the hallway to his bedroom. “Can you pause on the writing and talk with me for a while?”

Sherlock physically paused in the hallway and turned to look at John. “Are you going to hoot and holler and yell at me again?”

John sighed “No I will be calm, at least I hope so.”

“Okay then.” Sherlock said as he walked with John and they sat down at the table. They both ignored Rose who was sitting in a recliner just supervising the situation and of course filling out the pages on her clipboard.

John started first with a more personal apology to Sherlock. “Hey mate, I’m really story for upsetting you this evening. What you said to me really got to me and I took it out on you. I know whatever happened in Serbia is your business. If you choose to accept Mycroft after what he did then that is your thing.”

Sherlock looked at John….really looked at him and sighed. “My brother means well he just shows it in awful ways. It took me a while to let him come visit me here. Both because of what he did in Serbia and for putting me here in the first place.”

“I understand.” John said with a nod. “But I am still very sorry for my reaction.”

“It’s okay John…you’re not perfect.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews please :)


	9. Hats & Trees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here is another one guys! I hope to be able to keep up these fast posts but I am actually re-writing a few chapter because they turned out completely wrong! BUT I don't think it should slow down my publishing speed.
> 
> Thanks much for all the wonderful reviews and Kudos. It makes my day to see everything in my inbox. *big smiles*

Everything went smoothly the rest of the night and soon it was the next day and wake-up time for everybody. This morning John woke up on time so he padded to the day room for chit chat time before breakfast. He wasn’t too surprised not to see Sherlock though. It wasn’t that he thought the other man was still asleep but figured he was doing something else in his room until breakfast.

“How’d you sleep?” Charlie asked John from where he was trying to do a Sudoku puzzle at his ‘spot’ at the table.

John wasn’t exactly sure why Charlie cared how he slept but figured he was just trying to make conversation. “I slept fine, thank you.” He replied. “You?”

Charlie made a ‘so-so’ motion with his hand before writing another number in on his puzzle.

It was then Jennifer and Tasha made an appearance in the day room. It appeared they were coming from the art room which John found odd. “Where were you gals?”

“Maggie let us do some art this morning because we woke up early.” Jennifer said as she took a seat, ready for her ‘drink’ as she called the Ensure drink she had at each meal. John had learned it was the only thing she kept down….supposedly

“Oh I see.” John said as he glanced down the hallway wondering if Sherlock was coming soon. It was then he figured he would go get the younger man since breakfast would be there soon anyway. He walked to Sherlock’s door and gave it a knock.

“It’s open.” Sherlock said and John rolled his eyes…of course it was open.

John opened the door and smiled at his friend who was sitting on his bed reading his book. “It’s almost breakfast time.” He told him.

“I know.” Sherlock said as he put his bookmark in his spot and closed the book.

It was then he noticed that Sherlock was holding his stuffed bear and had to chuckle. “Reading to your bear?”

“Benedict likes to be read too.”

Now John was really laughing even though he knew it was slightly rude. But he wasn’t trying to be rude he thought it was cute that Sherlock had a bear and it had a name. “Your bear’s name is Benedict?”

Sherlock pouted a little, “Yes.”

“Very cute.” John said now quieting his laughter because he thought Sherlock was getting upset. “I should probably name the cat.”

“Martin.”

“Excuse me?”

“You should name the cat Martin.” Sherlock repeated himself, something he didn’t like to do very much.

“Where are you coming up with these names?” John questioned with a raised eyebrow. “They are rather unique.”

“They just came to me.” Sherlock said with a shrug. “Do you not like it?”

“Martin is fine.” John said. He then looked at Sherlock’s wall of coloring. “We should make pictures of Benedict and Martin to put on my wall.”

Sherlock looked confused by this but then remembered that John wanted to decorate his walls. “Okay.” He said.

“Perfect!” John exclaimed a bit louder than expected and apologized when he actually made Sherlock jump. “Got a bit carried away there.”

“Hey you two it’s time for breakfast.” Hank said coming to the door. “I know Sherlock you don’t want to eat but you know the drill.”

Of course Sherlock did and he let Hank know it through grumbling as they walked down the hallway to the day room to get their breakfast trays.

John quite frankly was excited he had ordered pancakes, eggs and hash-browns for breakfast. When he sat down to eat he glanced at his friend’s plate of just scrambled eggs. “Sherlock you might like breakfast better if you eat more than flipping scrambled eggs.”

“I like eggs.” Sherlock stated as he put a forkful into his mouth.

“Okay you like eggs but you throw a fit about eating them every morning. Makes a lot of sense Sherlock.” John semi teased his friend before digging into his own breakfast, actually moaning at the taste of the pancakes.

Sherlock raised an eyebrow at the pleasure filled look on the doctor’s face. “They are just pancakes John.”

“Actually rather GOOD pancakes.” John added before forking in another bite again moaning but this time just to bother Sherlock.

“Oh good grief.” Sherlock said before focusing on his own breakfast.

“Ugh.” Jennifer said as she pushed her cup away.

“Jennifer…” Maggie said in a warning tone because she knew what was to come.               

John looked in the girls direction ‘I thought she only got like that with real food’ the thought; he was obviously wrong because the younger patient was jumping from her seat and finding the closest thing that resembled a rubbish bin and that was a Scotland Yard helmet.

“Fuck.” Charlie said throwing his hands up in the air and pushing his tray away. “Can’t eat now.”

“I am never wearing that hat again.” Tasha spoke up.

John’s reaction was different than the others, “Why the heck do we HAVE a police helmet?”

“Dress up.” Charlie said as if that was obvious.

“There is a monstrosity of a cowboy hat too.” Sherlock stated

John honestly had NO idea why an adult psychiatric ward would have ‘dress up’ clothes but figured there were worst things to do when one was bored. Not that he planned on pretending to be a police officer or a cowboy. Actually the more he thought about it the kinkier the idea sounded and that almost put him off the rest of his pancakes.

Meanwhile Jennifer was being escorted out of the room with said police hat. John heard Maggie say something about how it was her job to rinse it out in the shower. Now John was really put off his breakfast like everybody else. Well everybody but Sherlock who was still eating his large helping of scrambled eggs.

“Sorry everybody.” Hank said as he joined the group at the table since Maggie was helping with Jennifer. “Sometimes things happen.”

“That happens more than sometimes.” Charlie spat actually upset over the whole thing which wasn’t really normal for him at least from what John had observed over the past few days.

“He’s right,” Tasha added being rather vocal that morning which shocked everybody in the room.

“She’s got a problem like the rest of us.” Sherlock said as he finished his food and went to put it away. “Her problem just happens to be gross and happens at meal times.”

“And HE is right too.” Tasha said with a sigh. “I guess we have to deal with it.”

“Good point of view, Sherlock and Tasha.” Hank said with a small smile. He knew the patients cared for each other. It was easy to do when there were only five of them. That is part of the reason why New Haven worked the way it did.

“Do we still get to go on the outing today?” Charlie asked hoping they did. They weren’t allowed on the outing unless everybody was available to go so he wasn’t sure if Jennifer’s behavior that morning and John’s the night before would prevent them from going.

“Outing?” John questioned perking up. “We go on outings?” for some reason that both excited and scared him. Made him wonder how many people walking around attractions in London were from a mental health facility.

Hank nodded, “We do go on outings and I believe we are going but nowhere that fancy since John is still on assessment and cannot be away from the hospital for more than an hour.”

“We could just go to the park.” Tasha suggested. “We could even walk there.”

“That is an idea.” Hank agreed. “I will talk with Maggie and Carl about it and see what they want to do.

“I think the cemetery would be good.” Sherlock said, completely serious. When everybody looked at him like he had lost his mind he added. “Lots of good things to experiment on.”

“Sherlock I doubt we are going to the cemetery.” John laughed finding the suggestion rather silly not just weird. Actually it was a rather ‘Shelockian’ thing to do…if that was a word and John decided in his mind it was a word.

Sherlock actually pouted when his idea was turned down. “Fine guess I will have to find worms and beetles and other crawly things at the park.”

“Eww.” Tasha said once again pushing away her food that she had tried to eat again.

Charlie laughed, “I’m with Sherlock on finding the bugs!”

“How old are we?” Jennifer questioned as she walked back into the room, minus the police helmet so it was obviously off being sanitized somewhere.

“I’m thinking 10.” John said with a nod. “I wouldn’t mind being 10 and in primary school again.”

Sherlock’s pout turned into a face of disgust. “No thank you.”

John had heard some of the stories from Sherlock’s childhood so he understood why he wouldn’t want to be that young again. “Okay fine I say we’re just adults wanting to have fun.”

“As much fun as a bunch of nuts can have.” Charlie added with a laugh.

 

<><><><><><> The five patients, three orderlies AND two nurses arrived at the local city park around 11am. John felt the number of hospital personal was a bit overkill but didn’t say that out loud.

“Okay guys you know the drill…well most of you do.” Carl said and looked to John. “Basically stay in our sight, and be polite.”

John laughed because what Carl said rhymed. “I get it.” he said before…scampering? Off to see what Sherlock was up to.

And Sherlock was definitely UP to something he was in a tree. How he already got into a tree John wasn’t sure. He also wasn’t sure if that was part of the ‘okay’ things to do but didn’t say anything to anybody well except Sherlock himself. “Um Sherlock?” he questioned looking up at the man who was actually dressed in his normal overcoat and dress trousers. John admitted to himself he found it quite nice and dashing to see the other man dressed in his ‘normal’ clothes not pajamas and sweats like he had been wearing the past few days.

“Yes John.”

“Why are you in the tree?”

Sherlock looked down at his friend, “I’m observing.”

“What exactly?” John asked curiously, part of him wanting to get in the tree with the taller, more limber man.

“Bugs of course.”

John’s eyebrows knitted together as he took in that information. “Is it all about bugs now?”

“Always has been John, just before they were microscopic bugs.” Sherlock explained. “Now I don’t have the means to do that kind of testing so I take what I can.”

“Right.” John said and decided to leave the other man alone with his bugs since it was hurting his neck talking to Sherlock so high up. Instead he walked over and figured he would talk with Maggie and Hank who were having a conversation a little bit away.

Hank smiled when John made his appearance. “Sherlock in the tree again?”

“Is he supposed to be up there?”

“Not really…but we let him.” Maggie laughed. “I don’t suggest joining him though.”

John shook his head, “I wasn’t planning on it.”

Just then Charlie and Jennifer came running over hooting and hollering about something that John couldn’t make out. They were laughing so it must be good or at least funny. That caused him to look around for Tasha. He saw her sitting on a bunch reading a book, much like she would do on the ward. Since everybody else seemed to be in conversations he thought he would check on her rather than bother Hank and Maggie farther. He had a feeling they were trying...and succeeding…at flirting with each other.

“Hey Tasha can I sit with you?” John asked the young woman. He wasn’t exactly sure of her age but thought maybe around Sherlock’s would be a good guess.

Tasha looked up from her book and gave John a soft smile. “Okay.” She said as she put the book in her lap figuring the other patient would want to talk with her since he came over. She wasn’t huge on talking but she thought John seemed nice enough. He didn’t appear to be as crude as Charlie or as strange as Sherlock so maybe he could be a friend.

John sat down on the bench and tried to think of something to say and found he was at a loss for words.

“You’re a doctor?” She questioned even though she already knew the answer.

“Yeah.” John smiled. “Kind of missing it actually.”

“You also worked with Sherlock and wrote a blog about it.”

This shocked John, did people realize that they were the semi famous ‘Holmes and Watson’ team, at least he liked to call them that. “Um…yeah…”

It was Tasha’s turn to smile. “I liked your blog. I was sad when it had to go away after what happened with Sherlock.”

Speaking of Sherlock he was currently jumping out of the tree and wondering in their direction. He gave his best ‘Sherlock’ smile as he joined the duo. “They are really crawling today, Tasha.” He said of the bugs he was studying.

John was going to ask WHAT bugs it was but realized he didn’t exactly care. Actually he figured Sherlock didn’t really care either it just gave him something to do. He believed that Sherlock really wanted to be out in the ‘world’ solving crimes again…and maybe that wasn’t a far-fetched goal.

Tasha smiled at Sherlock, “That’s great Sherlock.” She told him with some sort of odd praise. “I was just talking to John about his blog.”

‘Oh great’ John thought to himself as he tried to gage Sherlock’s reaction to mention of their ‘past life’ together. He was thankful when Sherlock smiled a little.

“He was rather anal retentive about that thing.” Sherlock said as he plucked a bug off his coat and flicked it onto the ground, obviously not thrilled with that type.

John rolled his eyes, “I was not.” He practically whined.

“Were so.”

“Fine…whatever.” John said not wanting to argue even a little bit with the younger man.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are like coffee...my life! *HAHA*


	10. Drawings & Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SOOO sorry it's been so long since I've update but life totally got in the way. I was in the hospital for 5 days and was itching to write and post but of course I couldn't. SO anyway here is the next chapter I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Thanks again for the reviews & Kudos!

“Bathroom!” Sherlock exclaimed as he ran onto the ward and directly to his room.

Once again John was concerned with his friend’s behavior but kept quiet thinking maybe he could ask Sherlock about it later on. He also wanted to bring up the shower thing again because his friend was really beginning to stink.

“Sherlock don’t run!” Maggie called after the man and rolled her eyes when he didn’t listen.

“Better than him pissing his pants.” Charlie said walking up behind her carrying the bag of first aid supplies they had brought with them to the park.

“He does that?” John asked since he had the opportunity now.

“No…but it seems like he could if he didn’t watch it.”

John let out a sigh of relief, that was definitely good news. He wasn’t sure what he would do if Sherlock had some problem like incontinence. Then again the more he thought about it the more he realized he would love Sherlock all the same. BUT that wasn’t the case from what he just heard so he wasn’t going to worry about it.

“John!”

The doctor turned when he heard his name, not realizing it had been called many times before. “What?”

“Where were you?” Charlie questioned. “I was calling your name like 10 times.”

“Sorry.” John blushed.

“Anyway…” Charlie said. “Your lunch is here.”

John turned to the table and indeed saw his cheeseburger sitting there at his spot. “Oh good.” He said going to sit down and automatically started eating. It wasn’t like he had done much at the park but for some reason it made him famished.

Sherlock joined the group a few minutes later now wearing his sweat pants and hooded sweatshirt again. This was still weird for John to see but he of course didn’t mention it…actually it looked kind of comfy.

“What did you get to eat?” John asked his friend.

Sherlock lifted the cover on his food and showed the pasta with cheese sauce there. He didn’t say anything just proceeded to eat it.

‘okaaay’ John thought wondering why the silent treatment but figured it was just Sherlock being Sherlock.

Thankfully Jennifer behaved herself for this meal and left the ‘dress up’ clothes alone. Actually she didn’t exactly behave herself she simply refused to eat anything, even her drink because it wasn’t the strawberry kind that she had requested.

“Is Mycroft coming this afternoon?” John asked Sherlock through a bite of his burger.

Sherlock nodded, “Around three…he has earlier meetings today.”

“Ah” John replied.

“What do we do next?” John asked anybody who was listening.

“We have ward meeting after lunch.” Charlie said. “Where we talk about problems or things that are going well.”

“Yeah like how we don’t like people puking in our hats.” Tasha said glaring at Jennifer which was very out of character.

Jennifer glared back. “I’ve already said ‘sorry’ about that.”

“Whatever.”

“Guys we’ll talk about this kind of thing in about half an hour.” Carl spoke up.

<><><><><><> The half an hour went fast and soon everybody was sitting around the table in the day room. Sherlock looked completely bored by the whole thing John noticed.

All of the orderlies and nurses were there with paper and pens ready to write down things the patients spoke about or wanted to talk about.

“Can I start?” Charlie asked.

“Sure Charlie.”

“I think it should be forced upon us to take a shower.”

This got a round of ‘whats’ from both patients and orderlies so he clarified with a sigh. “There is one individual that appears to be neglecting his hygiene and it’s getting bad. I was having trouble sitting next to him this morning.”

“Would you stop talking about me like I’m not here?” Sherlock spat glaring at Charlie. “I have a reason I don’t shower so leave me alone.”

“Sherlock it is getting bad.” John said gently hoping his friend would take the information from him rather than Charlie.

Sherlock sighed turning to look at John who was sitting next to him. “Johnny leave it be.”

“Let’s move on.” Maggie suggested.

“Rubbish bins…we need more of them.” Jennifer stated with a nod of her head.

Everybody else got wide eyes and didn’t know what to say. Thankfully Carl spoke up. “Jennifer we have an appropriate number of rubbish bins.” Everybody knew why she had made her request.

Jennifer looked like she was going to protest but didn’t and just sat there pouting with her arms crossed over her chest.

“I request that John become my acting physician.” Sherlock said, this time everybody was confused.

John looked at Sherlock funny. “What?”

“You helped me with the lithium debacle the other night so I feel you should be my doctor.” Sherlock said in all seriousness.

“Oh no.” John shook his head like crazy. “I wouldn’t even be your doctor if we were back at Baker Street.”

“Sherlock you already have a perfectly fine doctor and Doctor Wilson is a patient right now, not working.” Maggie said gently.

And so the meeting went with the patients all making somewhat outlandish requests. The weirdest of all was Sherlock suggesting they get an astronaut helmet to go with the rest of the dress-up clothes. Nobody was sure if he was teasing or honestly asking for said helmet. Nobody asked.

Once they were excused to get up and have ‘free time’ on the ward John decided he would make a phone call. He felt like he owed it to Mary to tell her he was doing alright. Just as he was heading for the phone though he realized he couldn’t tell her about Sherlock without Sherlock’s approval. Sighing he stood in the middle of the floor trying to deduct which way Sherlock had gone. Figuring he would just check his room first he headed that direction BUT Sherlock wasn’t there. He then checked the day-room again, even though he had just come from there, and of course no Sherlock. Getting slightly frustrated he checked the only two places he could think of and that was the art and TV rooms which of course also did not house Sherlock Holmes.

“John are you okay?” Rose questioned. She still had her backpack with her so it was obvious she was just coming on shift.

“I’m looking for Sherlock.”

Rose thought for a second and realize the day and time and smiled. “He is probably talking with Doctor Cowley, the therapist.”

“Oh,” John said now understanding why he couldn’t find him. “Thanks.”

Meanwhile in the therapy office Sherlock is sitting as calmly and collected as he could with his leg crossed over the other and his hands resting on said leg. “So John Watson, my old flat-mate is now a patient here.”

“I heard.” The middle aged woman replied with a slight smile. “How is that?”

“Good…I think.” Sherlock said. “I’m not sure actually.”

“What aren’t you sure about?”

“I’m not sure how to act around him sometimes.” Sherlock admitted. “He expects the old me…not ‘this’ me.”

Doctor Cowley smiled a bit more, “Sherlock from what you tell me of your story I am sure he is just happy you are alive and able to be his friend again.”

“I think I make him sad though. He wants to be running through the streets of London solving crimes.”

“Don’t you? Isn’t that something you want?”

Sherlock sighed, “Yes.” He looked at his lap before he spoke again. “I want that more than anything.”

“Well I’ve heard you’ve had a good week, especially the last few days.” Doctor Cowley said looking through some forms on her lap. “Seems the sleep is still a bit out of wack though.”

“Yes.” Sherlock agreed.

“You can talk to Doctor Hillard about that tomorrow when you see him next. He might up a medication or something.” She said gently knowing how much Sherlock hated his medication. She wasn’t too shocked when all she got was a semi distracted nod. The younger man was no longer looking at his lap but everything in the room. This was his way of nonverbally telling whoever he was talking to that he was finished talking.

Getting the hint Doctor Cowley stood up. “Okay we’ll be done for now I believe your brother should be here to see you in a few minutes.”

Sherlock hopped up, thanked the therapist and walked out the door. He almost bonked into John in the process. “Hi.” He said feeling a bit odd since he had just finished talking about the older man.

“Hi to you too.” John said smiling. “I was looking for you earlier….had a question to ask you.”

This semi-shocked Sherlock but he nodded his head for John to continue.

“I am going to call Mary, she knows of you, can she know you are alive?” John said and then really thought about how that sounded and it was a bit off. “Does that even make sense?”

“Not particularly but I think I understand.” Sherlock replied. “You better tell her if she plans on visiting sometime.”

John smiled, “Okay.” He then dashed the other way again shocking Sherlock. At the phone John dialed the familiar number and waited to see if Mary would pick up. It was kind of an odd time of the afternoon but he knew she had her mobile phone with her almost always. It took a few rings but soon the young woman was answering.

“Hello?”

“Hey…it’s me.”

<><><><><><><> John’s phone call with Mary went as well as could be expected. She of course had been worried when John had excitedly told her that Sherlock was still alive and a patient at the same hospital. Her reason for worrying wasn’t jealousy (even though it secretly should have been) but she didn’t want John to get his hopes up and get so hurt again when something bad happened. John assured her that nothing would and they moved on to talk about other things.

Now John was playing a game of ‘War’ with a deck of cards with Charlie and James at the main table. He really wanted to be with Sherlock, maybe coloring pictures of Benedict and Martin but Sherlock was busy with Mycroft doing whatever the two men did together for an hour each day.

“Hey John it’s your turn to put down a card.” James said as he watched John longingly look in the direction of Sherlock’s bedroom.

“They’ll be done in a few minutes, Mycroft only stays for an hour.” Charlie said not really sure why he knew that information. “And by the way who names their kid Mycroft?”

“His parents.” John replied and then jumped up when he saw the man in question head out of Sherlock’s room and seek out an orderly to let him out of the building. Once Mycroft was fully gone, John headed to Sherlock’s room. The door was still open so he peaked his head in. “Hey.”

Sherlock to the door and gave a small smile. “Hi John…you okay?” he questioned sort of wondering why John was at his room so soon after Mycroft had left. ‘Was he waiting to be with me?’ he thought to himself.

John nodded his head, “I’m fine, just wanted to come and hang out, sota speak, with you.”

“Hang out?”

“Yeah maybe we can use our colors or something.” John suggested. “It could be fun.”

Sherlock thought about that before shrugging. “Okay…we’ll have to ask for paper.”

John smiled, “We can do that.” He said as he waited for Sherlock to get up and they headed out of the room together. The first orderly the came to was Mark and they asked him for the paper which he gathered from the printer in the office.

With all their supplies John and Sherlock sat down to color when they realized something. They were going to color Benedict the bear and Martin the cat so that meant they would need the stuffed animals to be able to draw them properly.

“I can go get them.” John suggested before dashing off in the direction of the bedrooms. It only took him a matter of a minute to return with the stuffed animals and the duo got to work.

“That is a pretty good cat John.” Sherlock said looking at the drawing on his friend’s paper. “My bear looks like a hedgehog.”

John laughed out loud but that caused Sherlock to pout. “Oh no it doesn’t I think that is a very good liking to Benedict.” He picked up the bear and had him dance around on the table. “See he likes it.”

“You have being very juvenile.”

“Oh hush.” John said as he put the bear back where Sherlock could see it and went back to his drawing of Martin.

Rose, Mark and James stood back and watched the scene unfolding with curious wide eyes. They couldn’t believe that Sherlock Holmes was playing with stuffed animals and coloring pictures with a friend. Of course they didn’t like what brought John Watson to New Haven but they were beginning to like him there

<><><><><><> 

“Sherlock Homes you WILL take a shower.” Rose exclaimed with her hands on her hips.

John was walking from his room and stopped to well…snoop. Was Rose’s exclaimed request going to be taken well or was Sherlock going to freak out like he had explained the night before.

Sadly it was the latter and John watched Rose ducking away from the door as a leather bound journal came flying at her head.

“Leave me ALONE!” Sherlock actually screamed and another book when flying.

John made a face and decided maybe he should let the orderlies handle Sherlock for the time being, it was obvious he needed a little extra help and John had to remind himself he too was a patient. So with that thought in mind he went back to the day room to see if anybody wanted to play a game before movie time. There he found well…everybody that wasn’t Sherlock and Rose. The girls were reading whatever magazines he hadn’t manage to rip up the night before and Charlie was again working on his number puzzles. John realized he felt a tad left out without his partner in crime to talk with or play a game with. Pouting a little he sat down in a recliner in a bit of a huff, why couldn’t his friend not be throwing a fit about taking a bloody shower?

“Why the pouty face?” Jennifer questioned, her magazine in her lap as she looked at him.

John didn’t say the bit about Sherlock but semi made something up. “I’m a tad bored.”

“I would offer a magazine but somebody ripped the rest of them up.” She obviously teased.

“Sorry about that.” John said blushing.

She shrugged her shoulders, “I throw up in things…it’s all good.”

John didn’t say anything to that, it was too weird. Instead he just rested back in his chair and actually ended up falling asleep.

“Hey John…” Sherlock whispered shaking John a little. “Wake up.”

John started awake, sitting up in the chair quickly and looked around as if to figure out where he was. “Jesus Sherlock you scared me.” He said once he gathered himself

Sherlock looked ashamed but didn’t apologize. “Do you want to play a game while they watch a movie?” he asked curiously.

“Um yeah sure.” John said but then was going to ask something when he realized he didn’t have to. He was going to ask if Sherlock got his shower in but now he could see that the younger man’s hair was wet and he smelled quite nicely of coconuts. “You smell like a Mexican drink.” He said not meaning to exactly say it out loud.

Thankfully Sherlock thought it was funny and chuckled. “Thank you…I think.”

“How was the shower?”

Sherlock shrugged, “I was in there for 3.89 minutes.”

“I can’t even wash my arse that fast.” John said not sure if he should praise the other individual for the quick work at the shower or worry that he didn’t wash well enough. Either way he chose not to say anything more than what he already said.

“Game?” Sherlock asked again, totally bringing the subject back to where he wanted it. “I suggest Trivial Pursuit.”

That was a game John was almost positive Sherlock would win but he figured what the heck. “Sure let’s play.”

They made quick work of getting an orderly to grab the game and setting it up at the table. Everybody else was watching the movie so they were alone with James…to Sherlock’s horror.

Sherlock went first and again to his horror got a ‘Entertainment’ category question. “Okay give it to me.”

John coughed, he had never heard Sherlock say something like THAT before. “I…urm…”

“John the question…ask me the question.”

“Right.” John said as he read the question aloud. “What do the Chinese call Chinese food, according to Chandler on FRIENDS.”

“Food.” Sherlock said with a smirk on his face. When John turned the card over and saw that Sherlock was right he was shocked.

“How did you know that?”

“It’s obvious…now ask me another.”

“You have to roll the dice.” John reminded him.

And so it went on for another forty-five minutes. Surprisingly…well not too surprisingly Sherlock monopolized the game and played maybe 20 questions when John did maybe three. It was okay though because it was fun for both individuals.

Once they were done they sat in the recliners and talked until the nurse came out saying it was medication time.

Tonight Sherlock didn’t argue he simply took his medicine and told John good night before heading down to bed.

John wasn’t sure why Sherlock’s mood changed but realized it probably had something to do with the fact that he didn’t like going to bed. That reminded John of how much HE hated bedtime too. Sighing he took his own meds and went to bed.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are ALWAYS welcome :)


	11. Mania & Libraries

A week had gone by since John joined the clan at New Haven and things were going okay for him considering. He hadn’t had any huge incidents since his first couple of days, for which everybody was grateful. Sherlock on the other hand had been giving the orderlies a run for their money. He had been so bloody hyper and running on absolutely no sleep. So he was hyper, cranky and all around a butt-head if you rubbed him the wrong way.

“Sherlock, seriously if you don’t sit down I am going to push you down.” John told his friend as they ‘sat’ in the day room supposedly playing a game of checkers.

“Can’t,” Sherlock stated as he continued to pace in front of the table. He did take his turn in the game though before pacing again. “Do you think they’ll let me go with you guys down to the library? I hope they do because I need a new book to read or maybe a few. If they don’t than I will just ask Mycroft to bring me something new I guess.”

John was seriously going to get a headache, it had been 2 days now since Sherlock started in this what could only be called a manic phase. What John really wanted to know was why wasn’t the younger man’s medication preventing these things from happening? “Sherlock you need to fucking calm down or they will lock you up and throw away the key.” He said but wished he hadn’t because Sherlock looked worried when he stopped pacing for a split second.

“Nobody has a key…they are keycards and we’re already locked up John.” Sherlock said and then proceeded to explain to John exactly how a keycard worked, which turned into how they could try to get a keycard and escape to go to McDonalds.

This last part confused John to high heaven…since when did Sherlock eat anything from McDonalds and there was NO way he was escaping. “Sherlock you have seriously lost your bloody mind.”

“I know.” Sherlock smirked before bounding off in the other direction chanting something about libraries.

See the hospital had a pretty well stocked library on the 1st floor and often the patients, if on good behavior, got to pick out a book or two. Today just happened to be one of those days. John was curious if the excitement of going down there was one of the reasons for Sherlock’s extra potent mania episode that morning.

Thankfully for Sherlock, maybe not everybody else, he got to go with the group to the Library. It was actually only John, Sherlock and Jennifer that went. For some reason Tasha didn’t want to go and was hibernating in her room at the moment. Of course Hank and Carl went too, leaving Maggie back on the ward with Tasha.

“What book do you want to look for?” John questioned Sherlock as they all headed down the stairs of the older building. Thankfully the wards were completely refinished in the last few years but the rest of the building still looked like it belonged in the 1800s or something.

“I’m not sure.” Sherlock admitted. “Anything with a mystery or crime I think.”

John understood that, he didn’t exactly expect his friend to read a trashy romance novel. He personally was going to find two books. One on Bipolar Disorder and Asperger’s Disorder. He wanted to learn more about his friend behavior. Sure, he knew some from medical school but this was different.

Soon the group entered the small library and everybody started looking for their books. John and Sherlock split up, wanting to look in different areas. John’s books were easy to find since it was the library of a mental hospital. So he sat down and read some of the books while he waited for his peers to be finished in their search.

Sherlock joined John at a table in the back of the library. He had two books in his hand with a pout on his face. “They wouldn’t let me take ten.”

“Huh?”

“Ten books, I wanted to bring them back with me.”

“That is a lot of books Sherlock.” John said with a smile. “I don’t think your shelf upstairs is big enough for that many.”

“I would have put them in my bed.” Sherlock explained.

John laughed, “Where would YOU fit?”

“Closet.”

John had to laugh even more except then he remembered a time back at their flat when he found Sherlock sleeping in his closet. He simply left the room completely baffled and never mentioned it to the other man that he had found him in the odd position.  


“Right” John said as he gathered up his two books and walked with Sherlock to find the rest of the group. That wasn’t very hard since the library was so small and thankfully everybody else was ready to go too because Sherlock was getting antsy again and complaining about how hot the room was.

“They need an air conditioner down here.” Sherlock spoke up as they stood in line to ‘check out’ the books, fanning himself with one of his books.

“I think there is…” Charlie stated from his spot in line next to John and Sherlock.

Sherlock glared at him, “There most certainly is not. I would not feel this warm and sticky if there was air conditioning in this library.”

“Thanks for telling us mate.” Jennifer said making a face.

“I also think they are using a new laundry soap. I need to have Mycroft bring me my own laundry soap.” Sherlock scratched at his arms, actually beginning to make one bleed.

John was the one to notice this thankfully. “Whoa Sherlock give it a bit of a rest okay? You’re going to scratch a hole through your arm.”

“One cannot scratch a whole through their arm John. You should know that, being a doctor and all or has being in the loony bin made you forget all you learned in medical school?” Sherlock wasn’t really TRYING to be rude or mean he was just being…Sherlock.

Sighing, John just took his turn checking out his book and then waited for Sherlock to do the same. “Come on let’s get you back upstairs and get something on that arm, it’ll get infected.”

“Not a doctor right now, John.”

“*I* wasn’t going to do it. I am sure there is a nice capable nurse ready and waiting to deal with cuts just like that.”

“Sherlock what did you do?” Hank questioned as he walked with the group back upstairs. “What happened to your arm?”

“The laundry soap is making me itchy, I think they changed it.” Sherlock explained.

Hank looked at him curiously, “Are you sure about that?”

Sherlock groaned and stormed past everybody just wanting to get upstairs and to his room. He wasn’t in the mood for dealing with stupid people.

“What was THAT all about?” John asked to whoever was listening to him.

“He better tell you.” Jennifer said walking next to John while Sherlock was walking alone in front of everybody but still in sight of Carl and Hank.

John sighed, “Right…confidentiality and all that good stuff.”

“Sure…and it’s just not nice to talk about people.” Jennifer added with a smile causing John to blush a little. Of course she was right.

Once upstairs everybody kind of disbanded to their own areas of the ward, except John didn’t let Sherlock do that. He knew the other man wanted to go to his room but they had to get his arm looked at.

“Hey Sherlock I thought you were going to the nurses’ station.” John said as he entered Sherlock’s room only to find Sherlock scratching at his arm even more, now it really WAS bleeding. “Whoa mate…stop.” He said actually taking Sherlock’s right hand from his arm and holding it. “Why are you doing this?”

“I told you I am itchy.” Sherlock said with a sigh as he looked at his pretty mutilated arm. “Ouch.”

“Yeah Ouch.” John said also sighing. “Come on let’s go talk to somebody…I will come with you.”

Sherlock shook his head, “They are going to think I am trying to hurt myself…but really I am just so so itchy.” He then added looking at his lap in embarrassment. “Plus when I start I cannot stop.”

“Aspi thing?”

“Guess so.” Sherlock replied, he was going to say more but was irrupted by Hank coming to the door.

“Oh Sherlock,” Hank said when he saw the state of the other man. “John you should have come and got one of us not let him continue that.” He didn’t sound mad, just sad. He hated it when his patients were as symptomatic as Sherlock was at the moment…but then again that was how Sherlock was.

John glared at Hank, “We were JUST about to come out and get help.” He looked at Sherlock. “Right mate?”

Sherlock nodded his head but was examining his arm rather than looking up at Hank.

“Well come on you two.” Hank said as he led the duo out of Sherlock’s room and down to the nurses’ station. He grabbed a nurse who came right now and over to where Sherlock was sitting.

“Sherlock what did you do to your poor arm?” Sandra the nurse questioned as she lifted his arm and started looking at it. He winced a few times when she hit some of the scratches. “Well nothing is deep just superficial but still worrisome of where your head is at.”

Sherlock scratched at said head with his free hand, “It’s the laundry soap, I was itchy and then I just couldn’t stop scratching.”

“I see.” Sandra said as she started putting cream on the scratches. “Well guess we need to look into the laundry soap then because you can’t keep doing this.”

“I know.” Sherlock almost spat.

John stepped in at that moment, “Can his brother bring him his own soap?”

“That is a possibility.” Sandra replied. “I will talk about it with everyone.”

Once she was finished Sherlock grumbled about his arm hurting now and John couldn’t help but laugh. “Well like I said in the library if you didn’t dig a hole into your arm than you wouldn’t hurt.”

Sherlock rolled his eyes but didn’t comment on the hole digging thing this time. Instead he went to one of the recliners and flopped into it with a huff. When that didn’t help him feel comfortable he got up and tried the other one. This too was a fail but he sat there with a very obvious pout on his face. “I feel like shit.” He stated point blank.

John had been watching Sherlock try out the chairs wondering what was going through his friends head. He was a bit surprised at his statement though. “Your arm?”

“My brain.”

“Oh.” John said as he sat down next to Sherlock. “I could tell you didn’t feel very good today with how hyper you were. That can’t be too much fun.”

“It can be a lot of fun when you have an outlet for it…but most of those things aren’t allowed here.” Sherlock said picking at the bandage on his arm.

“Solving crimes and stuff?”

“And stuff.”

It was then John realized what Sherlock was saying. “You mean drugs…the illegal stuff.”

Sherlock simply nodded.

“So other times you were manic you used to do drugs…before we met.”

Sherlock looked over at John. “Did you really think I wasn’t using when we lived together?” as soon as he said it he regretted it as much as he normally regretted things because John looked extremely hurt by his admission. “Joh…I…”

John stood up and looked down at Sherlock with his hands on his hips. “You were bloody tweaking while we were together?”

“You make it sound like we were dating…”

“Not the point Sherlock!” John exclaimed and it was his turn to start pacing. “What drugs?”

Sherlock sighed, “You don’t need to know.”

“Oh yes I do.”

“No you really don’t.”

John didn’t say anything else just stormed out of the room.

<><><><><><>

Relief orderlies and nurses came onto the ward around 4pm making it so both morning and day teams could meet together and discuss the way the ward was working and discuss the patients individually.

The meeting was going well, the group had already talked about ward business and now it was time to talk about patients.

“Let’s start with Tasha.” Rose suggested as she proud herself another cup of coffee. “I’ve noticed she is talking a bit more…and participating.”

“She didn’t go to the library with us this morning though.” Hank pointed out. “And spent most of the morning in her room.”

“Which isn’t all bad, she could be just trying to stay safe from everything else that has been going on.” James added. Sure, he hadn’t been on the ward yet that day to know what was going on with Sherlock and John but knew how things had been the past few days with the younger of the two.

“That is true.” Rose said. “She does tend to isolate when Sherlock is being unruly.”

“When we just left she was reading a magazine…not sure how but she was.” Hank said making a face. He really was NOT impress with the state of the ward at the moment. Sherlock had not been this hyper and off track in months. Sure, he showed normal outlandish behaviors that others didn’t often understand, but the degree of hyperactive behavior and getting “stuck” on every little thing showing his autistic tendencies was through the roof.

“Jennifer has been vomiting a lot more than usual.” Maggie said figuring they could move to the next patient since they only had so much time to work with. “She isn’t hiding it anymore at all and is throwing up her shakes."

“That is problematic.” Doctor Hillard spoke up for the first time since they started talking about the patients. “We may need to call in Doctor Jacobs to have her looked at.” Doctor Jacobs was non-psychiatric doctor they used at the hospital.

Everybody in the room groaned, they knew how much the young woman hated doctors.

“She is getting along well with the newest member of the ward though.” Mark said. “I saw them talking for a good hour the other night.”

“I think she might be attracted to him, so we better watch that.” Hank added.

That was duly noted on the meeting notes before moving on to Charlie.

“Only one episode of disrobing in the last week.” Carl said. “That’s pretty good.”’

Everybody else agreed.

“He too is getting along with John, they play cards a lot. I think it’s good for him to have another man to do things with that normally Sherlock doesn’t participate in.” James smiled, happy for the praise they were able to give the individual.

“Okay since we bring up John so much let’s talk about him next.” Hank said finding himself rather invested in the other man because he normally seemed so meek and mild and trying to help out everybody. “Does he really need to be here? Besides some anger issues he seems pretty calm and collected.”

“That worries me though.” Doctor Hillard said. “I do not think sending him home after a week is a smart idea because he is bound to display something different here in a few days.”

Therapist Doctor Cowley spoke up. “You really think something else is going to show up?”

“Not sure.” Doctor Hillard admitted. “That is why we should expect to see him on the ward until at least the end of next week.”

Everybody nodded their understanding.

The group moved from John onto Sherlock.

“Well he is the dead best friend of John.” Carl pointed out with a slight laugh. “So that makes for an interesting dynamic. It is also very interested to watch Sherlock spend time one the ward playing games and coloring pictures with a friend.

“We have to watch that John doesn’t try and ‘take care of’ Sherlock. It seems they have that mentality so we need to remind John of his patient status and friendship status with Sherlock.”

“Sherlock also believes that John has romantic feelings for him so we need to be careful there.” Rose said with a slight smile. “I personally think it’s pretty amazing if Sherlock can figure this out since we all know he has a harder time understanding complex emotions.”

“He has been VERY manic the past couple of days and from what night staff says he isn’t sleeping.” Maggie said. “His Asperger’s tendencies have also been through the roof. At this exact moment he is insisting we changed the laundry detergent and that he is allergic to it.”

“Yeah he has some pretty nasty scratches on his arms from his own fingers.” Hank added. “He says he simply couldn’t stop scratching once he started and that it wasn’t self-harm.”

“I get like that sometimes.” James said with a laugh and everybody joined him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Reviews always welcome :)


	12. Red Sauce & Ward 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the slowness in posting...I am trying to catch up on all my other fics AND do homework at the same time. Thanks for putting up with the slower than normal posts.
> 
> Again thank you for all the kudos and reviews they are awesome!

John spent the rest of the evening in his room. He couldn’t believe Sherlock had been doing drugs while they were living together. Not only was that unhealthy for his friend but it was harming to their friendship and all with all the lack of trust that came along with it.

It was dinner time when somebody knocked on the door and poked their head in. John was too busy lying with his face in his pillow to turn and look who it was.

“John you need to come eat.” James said from the door. He honestly had NO idea what was wrong with the individual lying in his bed face first but did know that it was time to eat.

“Not hungry.” John pouted against his pillow.

James sighed, “Okay fine, but what you ordered actually looks appetizing.”

“You eat it then.”

This brought about another loud sigh from the orderly as he backed out of the room and down the hall to where everybody else was eating.

“Is he not coming?” Rose asked her fellow orderly when he rejoined the group.

James shook his head, “Appears not.”

“I cannot eat this.” Sherlock stated as he pushed his try away in disgust. “It’s red.”

James turned to look at Sherlock with confusion on his face. “Normally you like the red sauce and not the cheese sauce.”

Sherlock glared at James and continued to refuse his food.

“Ugh…” Jennifer groaned

Rose looked towards the girl and saw her finger heading towards her mouth. “Jennifer NO!” she exclaimed. Actually taking it upon herself to grab the girl’s wrist gently and preventing her from making herself sick. “You do NOT want to do that.”

Jennifer whimpered, “I need to!” She then jumped up, pulled her arm away and dashed off to her room. The orderlies let her go but documented on their clipboards what happened.

Tasha looked at the shake container on the table with worry in her eyes. “I don’t think she even took a sip.” She told Carl who was sitting next to her.

“She didn’t…I watched her.” Charlie said but then added. “Not in a creepy kind of way.”

“I think we should just let herself vomit to death.” Sherlock spoke up. “If she is so heart-set on killing herself from lack of nourishment then let her.”

“Sherlock that isn’t nice…” Rose said looking at the younger man.

Sherlock looked at her, “It’s true though.” He said before getting up from the table and walking out of the room. He was going to find John. Maybe he could have a normal conversation with somebody. Then again he forgot that John was mad at him for using drugs while living together. He honestly didn’t see what the problem was. It wasn’t as if they were living together more than just friends or flat mates. Figuring John wouldn’t be mad anymore, Sherlock opened the older man’s door and peaked his head inside. “Hey John.”

John was sitting on his bed by this point reading a magazine he had taken from the day room. It was some stupid magazine about celebrity gossip. He glanced up with just his eyes when Sherlock came to the door. “I’m not speaking with you Sherlock.” He stated in a flat voice that showed little emotion.

Sherlock didn’t listen and came fully into the room. “You just spoke with me, John so saying you’re not going to speak to me is just rubbish.”

Sighing, John tossed the magazine down on the bed and looked at Sherlock fully. “I’m pissed at you.”

“I figured that.”

“Did you? Because if you did you would have left me alone!” John exclaimed.

“I gave you like two hours.” Sherlock said. “That is enough time to sulk.”

John crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m not sulking.”

“Uh huh.”

Groaning John uncrossed his arms and glared slightly at Sherlock. “What did you come here for?”

“I was bored. Dinner was awful and Jennifer almost vomited on the table.” Sherlock threw his hands up in the air. “I needed my friend.”

John had to admit that was one of the best things Sherlock had ever said to him. Of course he knew Sherlock needed him…well on most occasions he knew…but he had never heard his friend actually say it before. “You needed me?”

“You make it sound perverted.” Sherlock said with a huff as he leaned against the doorframe. “I need somebody to talk to that is normal.”

“We’re in a mental institution…who here is normal?”

Sherlock just stared at John and then laughed a little. “Good point.” He finally said causing John to smile.

“I’m still mad at you about the drug thing, but I’m not going to pester you about it either.” John said after a minute of silence. “Now come here.”

“What?”

“It may be against the rules but I want you to sit next to me.” John said patting the spot on his single bed. It would be squishy but he wanted to be close to his friend like they did sometimes when watching Television in their flat, just the two of them.

Sherlock looked at John slightly weird but shrugged and moved across the room and climbed onto the bed. “We need a telly.”

John laughed, “Guess we’ll have to talk.”

“Please don’t say we have to talk about something terribly dull.”

“Why would you automatically think I would start a conversation on something dull?” John asked a bit hurt by Sherlock’s statement.

Sherlock shrugged, not really sure WHY he said what he did. He was just about to say something that was hopefully not dull or rude to John when he heard the other man’s stomach growl. “You haven’t eaten.”

John blushed a little and rubbed his stomach. “I was mad at you and pouting in here.”

“I bet they saved your tray…you should go eat.”

“I’m fine.” John said but his stomach betrayed him and it started grumbling again.

Sherlock raised an eyebrow at his friend. “Right.”

John whined, “But we were going to talk.”

“We can’t very well talk when your stomach keeps interrupting our conversation.” Sherlock pointed out. “Now come on…I will go with you.”

John found himself walking to pull Sherlock back onto the bed with him and not leave the comfort, but the detective was already at the door before John could even climb out.

The two men walked out of the room together, almost hand-in-hand, and Sherlock headed for Mark who was sitting at the table reading the newspaper.

“John would like his dinner.” Sherlock told the orderly.

Mark put the paper down. “Can John not speak for himself?”

Sherlock groaned and threw his hands up in the air. “Why do I even try?” he went and sat down in a huff.

This almost caused John to laugh but he didn’t. Instead he walked to Mark. “He’s right I’m hungry if you have anything for me.”

Mark smiled at John, “Sure, John, I will grab your try and heat it up for you.”

Soon John was eating his dinner and Sherlock was watching on in disgust.

John gave Sherlock a questioning gaze. “Why are you looking at my food like that? It’s just pasta.”

“It’s red.”

“Better then purple…or green.”

“If it was green it would be more fun because I could examine it.”

John made a face, “You are not examining my food.”

“Of course not...it’s red.”

<><><><><><><> “I don’t want to go.” Sherlock practically whined as he started pacing in front of the nurses’ station. “People on Ward 1 are complete lunatics.”

James sighed, “Sherlock you cannot ditch out on ‘meeting time’ with the other Wards all the time. There will be biscuits.”

“Chocolate ones?”

James nodded

Sherlock sighed and went to the nurse’ station to grab his violin. Whenever they went to one of the other wards he would play is violin for the other patients.

John walked over to Sherlock as he was taking his violin case from one of the nurses. “Why don’t you ever play for us?” he questioned ‘us’ meaning Ward 3.

“I don’t know.” Sherlock answered as he opened his case to make sure everything was in order before closing it back up again.

“You know what we need to do?” John said with a huge smile on his face. “It’s completely off topic from what we were just talking about, but I just thought of it.”

“John you are rambling more than me.”

John blushed, “Sorry” he apologized before going back on the tangent he was on a second before. “I think we should call Mrs. Hudson and Greg to see if they want to come visit sometime.”

“So I can play the violin?”

“No I said this had nothing to do with the violin.” John said trying to stay calm and not get frustrated with Sherlock’s lack of understanding. “I just want to see them and I bet they would LOVE to see you.”

“I don’t know…” Sherlock said looking hesitant and his voice was the same. “They think I am dead and I’m not sure I want them to know any different.”

John looked confused now, “Why would you want them to think you’re still dead?”

“Better dead than crazy.”

John sighed, “I am willing to see them and *I* am just as ‘crazy’.” He used finger quotes around the word CRAZY.

Sherlock snorted shaking his head, “We won’t go around comparing who is crazier, John…now come on I think it’s almost time to go downstairs.”

John didn’t want to change the topic but as Sherlock walked away he realized it was changed for him. ‘Great’ he thought to himself as he dashed to catch up with his friend and his bloody long legs. “So what am I to expect?”

“Expect?”

John nodded, “Yeah on Ward 1…I hear that is where the REALLY interesting people are.”

“Interesting is not the correct word, but okay.” Sherlock said as he walked behind Charlie and Jennifer who were having a semi heated discussion about her eating habits. Why one of the orderlies weren’t stopping this Sherlock was unsure.

“How would YOU explain it? Enlighten me.”

Sherlock sighed, “You’ll find out soon enough.”

And that was a true statement. The second Ward 3 entered Ward 1 John could understand the difference between the groups. First off every individual, including orderlies, were wearing scrubs and grippy socks only. Secondly all the furniture was either made of extremely heavy materials that were impossible to flip, throw and the like or it was bolted to the ground.

John was beginning to get intimidated by this Ward rather quickly especially when some guy with even worse hygiene then Sherlock came over to him and sniffed him…actually bloody sniffed him. “Excuse me.” The doctor said trying to move closer to Sherlock who didn’t seem fazed. Instead he just walked forward and took a seat in one of the heavy chairs…John did the same.

“You stop taking your meds completely and they send you down here.” Charlie said as he too sat down since that seemed to be the thing to do.

“Good to know.” John replied as he looked around and saw a woman wondering and muttering to herself.

Sherlock was frustrated, he didn’t see the point in being on this Ward at all. There was no way there would be socialization with these heavily medicated or not medicated at all patients. He honestly wasn’t trying to be mean with his thoughts but it was true. Jacob, Franklin, Harold, Jackie and Bryson would never remember they were there…well maybe Bryson he was a pretty cool kid. That thought made him look around for the younger man. When he didn’t see him he looked to one of the Ward 1 orderlies. “Darrik, where is Bryson?”

Darrik looked around himself and then pointed at the TV room, which was completely plexi glass so you could see everybody at all times.

“Thank you,” Sherlock said as he reached out and took John’s hand pulling the confused man behind him.

“Sherlock what are we doing?” John asked as they got to the TV room where not only Bryson was watching TV but so was Harold.

“I’m being social.” Sherlock stated as he walked them over to Bryson who turned and smiled.

“Hi Sherlock.” He said to the older man.

John was shocked, the other patient didn’t look any older than sixteen or seventeen but that couldn’t be right this was an adult facility.

“Bryson this is John.” Sherlock said nodding towards the man standing next to him. He then realized the hand thing and let it go. “John, Bryson.”

Both man said their ‘Hellos’

“Do you think you’ll have an opening on your Ward soon?” Bryson asked Sherlock but looked at John too. “They say I am ready to move there just isn’t the space.”

“I don’t know how that works.” John admitted. “But I really don’t think anybody is leaving.”

“There is always Ward 2.” Sherlock stated. “They are the same level of care as we are on 3.”

“True.” Bryson said but pouted a little. “I’m looking forward to being with you again though Sherlock.”

This was a shock to John and he looked over at Sherlock. “You were on Ward 1?”

Sherlock closed his eyes and tried to keep his composure, he didn’t really feel like talking about this anymore. “Yes…now drop it.”

John didn’t pry…at least not right now in public but maybe when they were more alone later on he would ask more about it.

Mark came walking into the room and smiled at the four men. “Sherlock are you ready?”

“No.” Sherlock said but headed for the door anyway.

John was going to ask what they were ready for but could already hear Sherlock messing with his violin as he walked towards Ward 1’s day room.

Sherlock played a few songs before even he had, had enough of the music. Everybody seemed to enjoy it even the patients that were the most out of it on Ward 1. Sherlock of course didn’t understand the praise but did politely bow at the end of his set.

The rest of the time that Ward 3 was on Ward 1 was full of board games and refreshments. John and Sherlock played a game with Bryson while sipping tea and eating chocolate biscuits. This reminded John of his question to Sherlock earlier.

“I still think we need to tell Mrs. Hudson and Greg that we’re here so they can come visit.” John said after nibbling on the last sweet treat on his plate.

Sherlock faked looking confused, “Who’s Greg?”

John rolled his eyes and didn’t even answer the question because he knew Sherlock was just messing with him. “So can I call them tomorrow?”

“You should have your girlfriend come visit you if you are in the need of company.” Sherlock said accusingly.

“Sherlock…” John warned, showing he didn’t want to talk about that.

Bryson looked on and listened to the conversation between the two friends with interest. There was definitely something else going on there that it seemed THEY didn’t even know.

Ward 3 left around movie time all exhausted that everybody besides John and Sherlock got their medication and went to bed early. Since it was still two hours before real bedtime, John and Sherlock got the run of the place sota speak.

“What should we do?” John questioned his friend as they flopped into recliners both looking out the window onto the grounds of the hospital.

“Escape?”

John laughed, “Right let’s do that.”

“You are being sarcastic.” Sherlock said but there was a slight question to his voice.

“Yes Sherlock I am being sarcastic.” John said and playfully swatted him with a nearby magazine. “But seriously what do you want to do?”

Sherlock shrugged his shoulders.

John looked around the room and laughed, picking up a special deck of cards off the table next to his chair. “We’ll play ‘Feelings Go-fish’.”

“Umm no.” Sherlock stated shaking his head.

“Why not?”

“Because that is the dumbest game. Charlie’s son brought it with him and left it here.”

This was completely new to John, since when did Charlie have kids? “Wait a second Charlie has a son?”

Sherlock nodded, “Ben.”

“Wow…how old?”

“Three, I think.” Sherlock said as he grabbed the card game from John and went to the table. “Well are you going to play?”

John laughed and joined Sherlock at the table for the rather childish game. “Okay do you have a frown face?” Sherlock asked and the games began…

<><><><><><> The guys played the ‘stupid’ game for the full two hours before bed actually finding it rather fun and put their own spin on it by making the faces of the cards they were looking for.

“My face hurts.” John laughed making funny motions with his mouth as if trying to stretch it out from overuse.

Sherlock actually had to agree and did similar movements with his own mouth. He even went as far as to rub at his cheeks.

“I like your cheekbones.” John said before he really realized it came out of his mouth.

Sherlock stopped what he was doing to look at John in a weird way. He honestly had NO idea how to respond to that. So he did the only thing he could think of and that was to be technical. “I have my mother’s cheekbones.”

John bit his lower lip and threw caution to the wind and said. “Your mother is very pretty, so you’re lucky to have gotten them.”

“I’ve been called worse.”

“Huh?”

“You pretty much just said I was pretty.” Sherlock explained.

John blushed, “Oh.”

The room was silent for a good few minutes before they were irrupted by Chris coming into the room looking rather pooped, definitely not a good look for somebody who was just about to have a 10 hour shift.

“Whoa who attacked you?” John asked the younger man.

Chris had to chuckle a little, “My wife is out of town so I had to watch my 2 year old all day rather than sleep.”

John made a face, “Ouch.” He said and then squinted a little. “Are you even old enough to have a kid and be married?”

“The child’s mother could have been as young as 9 when she conceived.” Sherlock spewed off facts causing John and Chris to roll their eyes.

“My wife is 23 not 9.” Chris said before looking around. “I’m going to go get the report of the day and talk with Steph. You two should be getting ready for bed.” With that he headed into the nurses’ station.

“I always thought he was gay.” John said looking at the man as he walked away.

Sherlock raised an eyebrow. “Everybody thinks YOU are gay.” He points out to John.

John groaned, “They think the same thing about you sometimes too.” He said as he took a sip of the non-caffeinated soda they had been given while they played their card game.

“I’m too stuck in my head to be anything.” Sherlock stated honestly. “But if I WAS to have a sexual relationship it would be with a man.”

John’s soda literally came out of his noise as he started choking…honest to God choking. The kind of choking that caused the orderlies and nurses to come rushing out to assist him.

The Heimlich wasn’t needed, but a glass of water and a cough drop was given to calm the coughing fit.

Sherlock stood back in shock when his friend was coughing so violently. He honestly had NO idea what happened and was now worried his friend was getting sick. “You should go to bed if you are sick.”

“Sherlock…I’m not sick.” John said in a gruff voice from the fit.

“But you were coughing…”

John looked around to see if anybody was in ear shot and when they weren’t he spoke. “Sherlock, you just told me you wanted to have sex with a man right when I took a sip of my soda.”

“Is it really that shocking?” Sherlock questioned, now understanding the coughing fit…sort of.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

John sighed, “Sherlock it is not the norm for a man to be with another man.”

“That is where you are mistaken in history…”

“Sherlock…please no history lesson right now this is a serious emotional matter that *I* need to talk about with you.” John pleaded with his friend.

Sherlock hated emotions, they made no sense to him but he did understand the pleading in John’s voice. “Okay.” He said before adding. “So yeah if I was to have sex I would have sex with another man. But you see I’m not having sex so it is a moot point.”

“You’re NEVER going to have sex?”

“I won’t seek it out, it takes too much time and brain power, things that people should not waist.” Sherlock explained his reasoning. “You would have a lot more time if you did not have sex, John.”

“Well I’m not exactly getting any right now.” John chuckled.

“Nor I.”

John shook his head in disbelief, “Sherlock you are one confusing individual.”

“If you could have sex with anybody right now who would it be?”

“Are we playing ‘truth or dare’?” John questioned surprised at what Sherlock asked.

“We’re talking about serious emotional matters, not playing a game.” The detective said.

“Okay are we talking about real people or celebrities?”

“Real people.”

John knew what he wanted to say but said what he SHOULD say. “Well that is actually a silly question. I would make love to Mary right now if I could.” The idea was beginning to turn him on and he shifted in his seat a bit.

Sherlock noticed this and actually smirked at his friend. “You REALLY wish she was here right now don’t you?”

“Sherlock!” John exclaimed not sure what he thought of this line of conversation anymore. It was beginning to make him nervous and horny.

“Okay…sorry.” Sherlock said with a shrug. He glanced at the time noticing it was almost midnight. “I’m going to bed.” He said standing up. “You should take a shower.” With that he left a stunned John uncomfortable in his seat.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry it's been a while but here is the next chapter!!! I hope to update more often but I have a job interview next week so we shall see what that dose to my writing time.
> 
> Thanks again for the reviews and Kudos you're ALL awesome!

“Oh God Sherlock you’re so tight.” John moaned as he thrust hard and fast into the man he could finally call his lover and not just his best friend.

Sherlock grunted as he thrust up, matching each of John’s downward thrust. “Harder…God John please…”

Hearing Sherlock beg was all it took for John to begin moving with abandon, the headboard banging against the wall making a rhythmic knocking sound. “Love you…God Sherlock I love you so much.” He panted as he felt his orgasm building in the pit of his stomach.

“Love you…too.” Sherlock whimpered as her reached between their bodies and started stroking himself, wanting to come to completion at the same as his new lover.

Just knowing what Sherlock was doing had John close to the edge. “Oh shit…fuck Sherlock so close…”

“Come for me…I’m right there.” Sherlock replied through puffs of air.

Soon both men were crying out their love for one another and coating each other (inside and out)….

John Watson startled awake and it took him a good minute to realize what was going on and when he did he cursed himself to high heaven. He had just had a wet dream about his best friend while in a fucking mental hospital. He lifted the sheets and yeah sure enough he had made a huge mess of himself and his blankets. “Just fucking great.” He grumbled as he climbed out of bed and went to get a new pair of pajama pants. Once he was dressed again he wondered what to do about the bedding. He couldn’t exactly go back to sleep in damp sheets. Groaning he stood up a bit straighter and headed out of his room, trying to be a man about the whole thing when he felt like a stupid teenage kid.

Stephanie was the first person to see John since she was just coming back from her break and smiled at him. “Hey John, you okay?”

John knew he was bright red, “Can I talk with Chris?” he questioned, hoping the male orderly was around.

Stephanie was a bit confused but nodded her head, “Yeah let me get him.” She went off to find her partner.

While Stephanie got Chris, John took a seat at the table.

Sherlock came wondering out of his room much like he did every night around this time. He was surprised to see John sitting at the table. “Oh hi John.”

Now John felt extremely uncomfortable, he didn’t need Sherlock knowing about his business but how Sherlock was snoopy in every sense of the word so he was bound to figure it out. Sighing he gave Sherlock his best smile. “Hi Sherlock, up early.”

“You too.” The detective pointed out.

John nodded, “I just need to get something and then I am going back to bed.” He noticed the bags under his friend’s eyes and had a feeling Sherlock hadn’t been to bed yet and it was going on four in the morning. “You should try it.”

“What?”

“Sleeping Sherlock…sleeping.”

Chris came walking out of the nurses’ station and over to the duo. “What’s going on guys?”

“I would like hot chocolate.” Sherlock answered giving a purposeful cheesy grin.

Chris looked over and saw Stephanie by the drink area in the station so figured she could help Sherlock since John had specifically asked for him. “Stephanie is by the drinks, why don’t you go ask her about that Sherlock.”

Sherlock didn’t say anything he just headed in that direction.

“Okay so what is up with you? Since you didn’t ask Stephanie I figure it more than just a request for a hot beverage.” Chris said looking at John, waiting for his response.

John sighed, “I need new sheets.” He said semi softly but then figured he would buck up and be a man about the whole thing. It wasn’t really anything to be embarrassed about. ‘Do you remember what you were bloody dreaming?’ he questioned himself and then blushed without exactly meaning to.

Chris was expecting a lot of things but this wasn’t one of them. He could tell John was embarrassed so he didn’t question him on it too had. “Just so I know you’re not ill or something, is this a guy thing or did you pee the bed?” he made a face at the look of horror that was on JOHN’s face at the mention of peeing the bed.

“I did NOT pee the bed.” John hissed but he didn’t say anything further.

Figuring it was a guy thing Chris helped John get new bedding and decided he wouldn’t document what happened. Did the doctor really need to know if John was having some ‘really nice’ dreams?

John was thankful that Chris was discrete and took the bedding to his room and changed out the dirty things for the clean. He was taking the stuff back out of his room for the laundry when he ran into Jennifer. ‘Why are so many people awake tonight?’ he thought as he gave her a small smile.

Jennifer smiled back, “Hi John.”

“Hello Jennifer,” John said as she sadly followed him to the nurses’ station where the laundry hampers were kept for safety purposes. “Why are you awake?”

“I’m hungry.” Jennifer said with caused John to make a rather unprofessional face…not that he was expected to be professional there, but still.

“You’re hungry?”

She nodded her head.

“Good luck with that.” John said as he handed his laundry to Chris and tried to head back to his room but literally jumped out from behind the corner and scared the shit out of his friend. “Sherlock…Jesus Christ!”

“Not even close.”

John rolled his eyes, “What is it Sherlock?”

“Our conversation last night before bed got to you.” Sherlock said without emotion on his face so it was hard to tell if he was questioning John or making a statement.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” John thought playing dumb was a good way to go…maybe if he was lucky Sherlock wouldn’t understand that either.

Of course John wasn’t that lucky and Sherlock clarified what he was talking about. “You just changed out your sheets. So either you’re having incontinent issues, which I doubt, or you’ve been having REALLY good dreams.”

John blushed ten shades of red and sighed, “It’s not a big deal…it happens.”

“Not to me.”

Now John rolled his eyes, “You’re Superhuman.”

Sherlock looked confused and shook his head, “I just make sure to ejaculate before I go to sleep so I don’t have that problem.”

Once again John started coughing and Stephanie and Chris were at their side quickly.

“John breathe…” Chris said patting the individual on the back “Goodness gracious man.”

It took John a good minute to get the coughing and breathing under control and when he did he wanted to ring Sherlock’s neck because all these fist had to do with him stating such inappropriate things…or were they?

Stephanie stood next to John, worried.

Jennifer, who was sipping one of her Ensure shakes, watched on in fascination.

“What in the world was that about?” Chris asked also worried. He really didn’t need somebody choking to death on his watch.

John shook his head, “It was nothing…Sherlock just said something that shocked me.”

“I told him that it is best to ejaculate before going to bed so you don’t have nocturnal issues.” Sherlock said completely unaffected by what he was saying but everybody else in the room was.

Chris’ mouth dropped open in shock.

Stephanie’s eyes went wide and she quickly excused herself

Jennifer stood there with a smirk on her face.

John was completely mortified. “Sherlock Holmes you do NOT say stuff like that…especially with ladies present.”

Jennifer laughed at the last part. “No lady here…if only YOU knew what *I* did before bed.”

Chris could see this going south REAL fast “Okay guys enough from all of you. It is the early morning you should all be in bed.” He looked at all three of them. “Actually the only one of you that really shouldn’t be up is Sherlock. Hot chocolate isn’t exactly a ‘wake up’ reason.”

“What if you’ve never been to bed?”

“Either way all of you get back to bed.” Chris said with a slight laugh. “Wait not you Jennifer.”

Jennifer pouted, she knew the drill though she wasn’t allowed in her room until 45 minutes after she ate. Not that it did any good recently since she was throwing up in objects in the day room not just her bathroom toilet.

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” John said quickly heading in the direction of his room, wanting to get away from everybody from severe embarrassment.

Sherlock caught up to John at his bedroom, “You are embarrassed.”

“Fuck right I’m embarrassed. You seriously need to sensor your mouth.” John exclaimed as he sat on the edge of his newly made bed.

“I was trying to help you.” Sherlock admitted walking into the room and sitting down next to John, not realizing it was making his friend uncomfortable.

John sighed, “Yeah…okay.”

“You are mad at me.”

John closed his eyes for a second to regain some composure that he was lacking before looking at Sherlock. “I’m to mad…okay maybe I am slightly pissed off but more at the situation.”

“Okay.” Sherlock said as he did something weird and unexpected. He took John’s hand in his and gave it a squeeze.

John didn’t get it sometimes Sherlock wanted NOTHING to do with being touched while other times he was doing things like this. “Sherlock we’re supposed to watch our space.”

Sherlock took his hand back and glared slightly at John. “Fine but if you don’t want to be my boyfriend than I don’t want to be yours.” He said before storming out of the room.

“Wait…what?” John said to the empty room now completely and utterly confused. “No way I am sleeping now.”

<><><><><><><> “What in the world happened to all of you?” Charlie questioned his friends at the breakfast table. Everybody besides himself and Tasha looked like death warmed over.

“They were all up at wee hours of the morning doing various things.” Hank said from his position by the window. “But I have to say Sherlock you look the worst.”

“Thank you.” Sherlock said rubbing at his bloodshot eyes.

John noticed this and his own eyes went wide. “Have you been crying?” he asked his friend

Sherlock quickly shook his head and looked down at his scrambled eggs like they were the most interesting things in the world.

“I think he was.” Tasha spoke up actually sounding like she was taunting Sherlock a little which was NOT like her. “Thin walls you know.”

“Shut up.” Sherlock said, still looking at his breakfast tray.

John was sure he knew what was going on but unlike Sherlock he didn’t bring up private business in front of everybody. He would just have to catch up with the younger man at outside time that morning or during game time that afternoon.

That morning after breakfast they had what was called a process group or really just traditional group therapy. This was the first time they had done something like this in the week John had been at the hospital so he was a bit apprehensive.

“So we’re going to go around and share how we are feeling today and then a bit of what brought you here to the hospital.” One of the therapists said from her chair in the circle.

“I’ll go first!” Jennifer said excitedly. “I’m Jennifer and I’m doing pretty good today, nothing really to mention. What brought me here is that I have an eating disorder and my parents had me placed here to try and get me better.”

The therapist smiled, “Thank you Jennifer.” She looked around the room to see who was going next.

Charlie went next “I’m Charlie and I’m just great today, I get to see my son this afternoon which is great. They are also thinking of a discharge of next month for me.” He then added. “Oh and what brought me here is that I tried to kill myself and one of my friends with a machete…on purpose. Oh and a million other things, I’ve been in hospitals all my life but that is the most recent thing.”

John had to make a face at that, he couldn’t imagine ever being so upset with a friend that he would try to kill them. It was then he realized the therapist was looking at him and he groaned inwardly. Why did he have to do something like this? “I guess I can go.” He said hesitantly. “I’m John…today would be better If I had got more sleep but other than that it’s going fine. What brought me here is I tried to kill myself after the death of my best friend.”

The next to go was Tasha. “Hello, I’m Tasha and I’m doing okay today, nothing big to report.” She admitted. “I would rather pass on the second part this morning.”

The therapist let her and soon it was the last person’s time to go…Sherlock. It took a second but the man started talking. “I’m Sherlock this morning is sucks like John I didn’t get much sleep last night so I feel sucky.” He said and John found himself wondering if Sherlock would answer the next part of the question. “I’m here because a suicide attempt and the inability to take care of myself. My older brother got me the placement.

John wondered what Sherlock had been like when he got to the hospital. He had been on Ward 1 so that had to mean he had been pretty bad off. He figured Sherlock would tell him more about it when he wanted to. If he didn’t than that was no big deal.

After introductions they opened the group up to talking about whatever they wanted to talk about. John and Sherlock both stayed fairly silent, actually Sherlock stayed completely silent, but John spoke up a few times when he felt he had something to contribute. The group lasted a good 45 minutes before everybody was getting too antsy to stay still.

John was thankful it was outside time next so he hurried to get on some sweats, rather than his pajamas, and met the group in the day room. He again was thankful that Sherlock too was dressed in some sweats and looked like he was ready to join everybody in the yard. It was still weird to see his friend dressed in sweat pants and hoodies rather than his dark pants, shirts and overcoat. Then again he’d seen Sherlock in his pajama’s roaming about the flat all the time, he just never would have left the house like that. Sherlock Holmes was too proud for that.

“Going to look at your ants?” John questioned his still sullen looking friend.

Sherlock shook his head in the negative. “No…thought we would talk or something.”

This was a shock to John, since when did Sherlock want to talk? But of course he was going to take it so as they got outside the two of them found a tree to sit under. “So what do you want to talk about?” he asked the man who was folding his tall frame into an Indian Style position.

“Who were you dreaming about last night?”

John inwardly groaned, this was going to be an awkward conversation. “Sherlock does it matter? It was an embarrassing reaction and yes I probably should have taken care of business before I went to bed to prevent it.”

Sherlock looked at John, “I don’t care about that…I just want to know who you were dreaming about.”

“Mary.” John lied and knew Sherlock could tell…he always could.

“You never talk about her yet you dream about her?”

John sighed, “Sherlock please let’s talk about something like what we want to draw in art group this afternoon.”

Sherlock shook his head, “Answer the question dammit.”

John’s eyes went wide at Sherlock’s language and tone. “Sherlock you are being very rude.” He said not sure where this line of questioning was going. Why did Sherlock care so much? BUT the second he looked at his friend he noticed something even weirder. “Sherlock are you crying?” he questioned seeing tears dripping from the younger man’s eyes.

“No.” Sherlock sniffled.

“Wow you are…” John said and for some reason reached up and wiped one of the tears from his friends face. “What’s going on Sherlock?”

“I want you to be dreaming about…me.” Sherlock cried, now looking down at his lap out of nerves or embarrassment neither man knew.

“You what?”

Sherlock glanced up with bloodshot eyes. “I want you to be dreaming about me…like that.”

‘Oh golly’ John thought to himself as he ran a hand through his hair. “Sherlock *I* was dreaming about you.” He admitted

Sherlock looked up fully now his eyes wide and a small smile on his face. “Really…that dream that caused you to ejaculate in your sleep was about me?”

John blushed, “Yes.” Even though he was a doctor things like the word ‘ejaculate’ still made him feel embarrassed. Couldn’t Sherlock use slang words like ‘cum’ or something? As he thought that he blushed even more, so that word wasn’t any better.

“Oh.” Sherlock replied biting his lower lip. “So was I any good?”

“Huh?”

“In your dream…was a good at sex?”

“What makes you think we were having sex?” John questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“Well we were doing SOMETHING.” Sherlock reckoned.

John groaned they would so be in trouble if anybody heard this conversation. “Yes you were good….you were great even and by God it’s turning me on again just thinking about it.”

Sherlock glanced at John’s lap and sure enough he could see the signs of an erection. Without asking he reached over and touched John gently.

John jumped about ten feet in the air, he didn’t know he could be so limber. “Sherlock!” he actually yelled causing Hank and Carl to come running over. “You don’t do that!” he said not realizing the orderlies.

“What is going on guys?” Carl questioned looking between the two men. John looked mortified while Sherlock looked close to tears and maybe already had been crying.

John wasn’t sure why he did it but he did. “Sherlock just touched me…like you know…”

This was a shock to both orderlies. “Sherlock?”

“He said I turned him on…” Sherlock said as he too jumped up. “He wanted me to!”

“I did not!” John yelled his embarrassment at the whole situation clouding his judgement and how this would all effect Sherlock.

Sherlock shrunk back, he never did well with getting yelled at.

“Okay Sherlock go inside with Carl, John stay here and talk with me.” Hank said.

John watched Sherlock sulk off with Carl and sighed. “I didn’t really want to get him in trouble.”

“John is something going on between you and Sherlock?”

“Not really.”

Hank raised an eyebrow. “Not really?”

John sighed, “I kind of had this dream about him last night…we were talking about it and that is when he touched me.”

“I see.” Hank said and sighed too. “Be careful John…he is fragile.”

“What is the rule against relationships?”

Hank smirked a little. “Frowned upon…but we let it slide every once and a while.” With that he walked away leaving John alone to think.

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a lot of back and forth feelings about where to go with this story. I have a lot of people who what Johnlock and a few that would rather their relationship stay the way it is. I originally planned on Johnlock even though the situation is strange because that is what I know. So even after re-writing this next chapter I have decided to continue with the Johnlock. I apologize to those of you who do not want this and I hate to lose readers because of it but it's what I need to do for me and the story.
> 
> On that note I've added a few additional 'tags' to the story so beware of those. I might be adding more in the future as well.
> 
> Thanks to everybody for the reviews and kudos I get so happy when I see them in my in-box!
> 
> Happy Reading!!! -- TT

John sighed loudly when they walked back on the Ward and loud screaming could be heard from the seclusion room area. The only person who was inside was Sherlock so it had to be him throwing the current fit in the enclosed room. He hadn’t meant to make Sherlock THAT upset he had just been shocked beyond belief when he had felt Sherlock’s hand on his hardening member. Of course he liked it and that made the situation even worse. He was seriously dating somebody, had even thought about proposing to Mary before he had gotten too depressed to even think about loving anybody at all. Sighing he walked over to Hank needing to talk to him about this relationship thing. He needed a plan before Sherlock got out and was able to talk…that is if he wanted to.

“Hey Hank…can I talk to you?” John asked the orderly who turned and looked at him right away at attention.

“Sure John, what’s going on?”

John looked around and noticed everybody was around and this wasn’t something he wanted anybody else to hear. “Can we talk in my room?”

Hank nodded his head. “Okay.” He said they headed for his room. Hank took a seat at the desk and John on his bed. “This have to do with what happened with Sherlock?”

“Sort of.” John admitted. “More what kind of trouble would we be in if we entered into a less platonic relationship?”

“John I would be worried mostly because I think you would both get hurt in the long run, not because of some stupid rule the hospital has against patients having sex with each other.” Hank answered with a sigh. “BUT if you have your heart set on it we won’t stop you unless it seems to be causing a huge problem.” He nodded towards the door. “Such as Sherlock getting so flustered and confused about something and ending up in the seclusion room.”

“I will take care of him.” John said before he realized exactly what was coming out of his mouth.

Hank shook his head, “No you won’t that is our job right now and to take care of YOU too.” He reminded John. “You two are patients in a hospital for people with mental health challenges and you have to remember how intense Sherlock’s can be.”

“You really don’t think we should do anything.”

“I think you should be very careful.” Hank said standing up. “I believe my fellow orderlies would agree with me.”

“Right.” John said feeling rather shitty as Hank left the room.

<><><><><><> It was a good hour before John heard Sherlock shuffling around in his room. Taking a deep breath he got up and went to his door knocking on the open door. When Sherlock turned and looked at him the man looked completely drained and sad...very sad. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Sherlock said as he continued to mess with the blankets on his bed. When one side wasn’t straight he got so frustrated he threw the whole lot on the floor and literally stomped on them.

“Need some help?” John asked gently, not sure of how receptive Sherlock would be of his help.

Sherlock looked like he was going to say ‘no’ but nodded his head. It was then he noticed something and actually fell onto his bed and started to cry.

“Whoa, mate…” John said going to sit by his friend and rubbed his back gently, thankful he was okay with the contact “Shh it’s okay we’ll sort whatever it is out.”

“Now…they…are….dirty” Sherlock cried putting his head down on John’s shoulder for even more comfort which John found slightly odd coming from the very non touchy feely guy.

It took John a second to realize what Sherlock meant but then he realized Sherlock was worried about his bedding being dirty and not able to go back on his bed because of his little fit around them not being positioned correctly. “Sherlock we can get you new blankets.”

Sherlock sniffled, “I just got these…this morning what will they think of me?”

John sighed, “Tough what they think. Right now I don’t care what much of anybody thinks.”

“Do you care what *I* think?”

“You’re the exception.”

Sherlock thought about this and laughed a little. “Well I think you’re a jack ass.”

John raised an eyebrow, “You do?”

“Yes you led me on this morning and freaked out getting me in trouble when I touched you.”

“Sorry ‘bout that.” John said with a sigh. “I may have had that dream…but I’m still with Mary and unsure what to do about these feelings I’m having.”

“You still want to be with Mary?” Sherlock asked a puppy dog look on his face, or maybe it was a look that somebody had kicked his dog in the face.

John sighed some more, “She’s my girlfriend Sherlock.”

“But *I* want to be your boyfriend.” Sherlock pointed out and then groaned. “You know what…fine you invite Mary here to fuck you because I’m sure not doing it now.” He said before storming out of the room and trying to find an orderly to help him get new blankets. He didn’t need John to help him. John was a jack ass, a major jack ass.

Hank was the only one in the day room at the time when Sherlock came storming in and inwardly groaned. He could see the relationship changes between John and Sherlock making for some bumpy rides. “Hey there Turbo what’s the rush?”

“I need new blankets for my bed.” Sherlock replied.

This confused Hank, he had gotten him blankets for his bed that morning right as he walked in the door for work. Why would Sherlock need blankets again…unless…”Sherlock did you…”

Sherlock rolled his eyes, “I have not pissed or ejaculated in my bed I simply threw them on the floor and stomped on them so now they are dirty.”

As they walked to the closet the blankets were kept, Hank questioned this. “Why did you stomp on your blankets?”

“They didn’t cooperate.” Sherlock stated. “I couldn’t get them on straight.”

Hank sighed, there was the good old Sherlock they all knew and loved. “Okay I get it.” he said even though he really didn’t. As they were getting out the sheets and blankets Hank figured he would see what Sherlock’s side was on his conversation topic with John.

“Sherlock…”

“Yeah?”

“Do you like John?”

“Right now not so much.” Sherlock admitted

“I mean do you like him as a friend or like him as something more?”

Sherlock sighed as he was layered down with blankets. “I do like him more than just a friend, but he wants to be with Mary.”

‘That’s right…his girlfriend’ Hank thought to himself. “Sherlock you have to realize where you are as well.”

“Where I am?”

Hank nodded, “You’re at New Haven not back at your flat with your buddy John.”

Sherlock once again sighed, “I realize that.”

“So be careful.”

Sherlock wasn’t sure if he meant careful physically or emotionally. Physically he could do, emotionally he wasn’t so sure. Darn those pesky emotions. “Alright.” He said in response and then carried his blankets back to his room. He wasn’t too surprised to find John gone from his room.

 

<><><><><><><><> That evening just as he was finishing dinner, John was interrupted by a young woman wearing a pants suit and a smile. “Hello John mine name is Meghan Yates and I am a therapist here at the hospital. I know it’s late in the day but I was hoping we could talk some before you do your evening activities.”

John felt a bit put out by the time of the session but nodded his head and got up to follow Meghan to one of the offices near the art room. That reminded him they were supposed to have open art studio time that evening and hoped they would be finished with their session before that started. “How long is this going to take?” he asked not meaning to sound as rude as he did. “I mean I want to go to art studio and I think it starts in half an hour.”

Meghan smiled, “We’ll be brief.”

“Okay.” John said as he sat down in a chair across from Meghan.

Meghan crossed he legs at the knee and smiled some more, “Just so you know you don’t need to call me Doctor Yates or anything like that. I am simply Meghan.”

“Okay.”

“So how are you feeling today, John? I see you’ve been at New Haven about a week now.” Meghan said.

John nodded his head, “Yeah about that…and I’m doing okay.” He figured he would get to the nitty gritty of it all. “Sherlock and I are fighting.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Mine telling me what you are fighting about?”

“Somehow we’ve got in this weird state where we are almost starting a relationship…more than friends…but then it goes all wonky.”

Meghan wasn’t sure what she thought of this. “Wonky how?”

“Well he wants to be boyfriends but I am still with my girlfriend Mary.” John explained. “I also don’t know if he understand what it means to be somebodies boyfriend.” He bit his lower lip. “I think he is looking for something sexual but again doesn’t know how to say that or act in the right way.”

“Like when he touched you this morning?”

“Yes”

“Why do you think he did that?” Meghan questioned curiously.

“We were talking about a dream I had the night before…and he knew it was turning me on so I think he was trying to ‘help’.” John used finger quotes around the word HELP as he blushed feeling bad for talking about this topic with a lady.

Meghan wasn’t fazed she had worked in the field for a few years now and was used to hearing all sorts of outlandish things…not that what John was saying was that outlandish.

“So Sherlock responded in a rather normal fashion. He thought you were excited about the dream and wanted to help you.” Meghan clarified. When John nodded she continued. “The only issue here is from what I know of Sherlock and those individuals with Asperger’s Disorder don’t always know how to sensor themselves both with words and actions. Sherlock can be rather touchy feely at times but standoffish at other times.”

“I’ve noticed.” John replied “I have known him for a few years now…these behaviors have been happening since before I knew him.”

“So John I am not supposed to give advice per say but I do want to add that you two need to be careful and I don’t mean physically but with your hearts and emotions. Both of you are in a vulnerable point in your lives.” Meghan said gently. “I know that is hard and I am not saying to ignore your feelings and not TRY a relationship but also keep what I said in mind.”

“Okay.” John said with a sigh.

“But if you don’t mind can we skip gears a little bit. I want to know what your depression is like right now? Are you having any suicidal thoughts?”

“Right now I am feeling pretty down in the dumps because of the Sherlock situation, but I’m not feeling suicidal.” John admitted honestly. “I’m not really sure if my medication is working correctly.”

Meghan jotted down this information. “I will keep that in mind when we talk in team meeting tomorrow afternoon. You may see Doctor Hillard before then and you can talk to him about that.”

Just then screaming could be heard out in the main hallway and this distracted John quickly and he wanted to rush out to see what was going on. It was a female screaming so it was either Jennifer or Tasha having some sort of fit.

“John let’s try and focus.” Meghan said but knew she had lost the older individual.

John was out of his seat and out the door in a flash. Everybody was standing around the hallway, patients, orderlies and nurses alike. “What is going on?” he asked Jennifer who had a look of horror on her face. He still wasn’t sure if it had been her screaming or if it had been Tasha.

“She…She…” Jennifer cried looking at the floor.

John followed her gaze and noticed the blood on the floor. “Oh shit…” he said actually rushing over going into ‘doctor’ mode.

Sure enough the orderlies had Tasha in a therapeutic hold on the floor, trying to get a pair of scissors out of her hands, her left wrist covered in blood.

“You have to stop the bleeding!” John exclaimed to the staff members who were simply worrying about getting the scissors away not the bleeding.

“John you need to let them do their job.” Meghan said coming up to John, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder which he brushed off.

“They are NOT doing their jobs…they need to stop that bleeding.” John exclaimed trying to dash forward to stop the bleeding himself but he was held back by Meghan and some orderly he didn’t recognize. “Let me go…I need to help!” he cried out and kept trying to lunch forward. Soon he found himself face down on the ground with Meghan and the unknown orderly on either of his sides, using their bodies as gently as possible to hold him in place.

Meghan hated doing restraints of any kind, she didn’t think it was very therapeutic but with what was happening it was necessary. “John I need you to show us a calm body so we can let you up and talk about what is going on.”

“Fuck you!” John screamed as he struggled to get away. He HATED being held down it only amped him up even further because it brought back weird memories of being in the military and his bunkmates playing pranks on him. He had never told anybody about this so of course the orderlies and Meghan wouldn’t know to try and prevent from holding him this way.

“Do we have a seclusion room available?” The unknown orderly questioned Meghan who nodded her head.

“They both are.” Meghan responded. “Get him up on three?”

The orderly nodded and soon they were up on their feet and walking the kicking and screaming John to the closest seclusion room.

<><><><><><><> John spent a good two hours in the seclusion room, kicking, screaming and doing some unmentionable things just to piss off whoever was watching him. By the time Doctor Hillard opened the door John was urine soaked and almost passed out from the exhaustion of his rather explosive temper tantrum.

“Are you finished?” Doctor Hillard asked the younger patient from the doorway. He had tried to talk to John on three other instances and he had been flipped off, cursed at and threated to be peed on.

“Yes.” John said almost close to tears as the doctor walked into the room with a folding chair and sat down next to where John was propped up against the far back wall.

“Care to explain what is going on?”

John sighed, “I was just trying to help.”

“But you were told not to.” Doctor Hillard pointed out. “Do you normally have problems listening to authority figures?”

“Yes.” John admitted. “I hate it.”

Doctor Hillard nodded, “Well that is something to work on because you cannot live in society if you don’t listen to those that are trying to keep you safe.”

“Is she alright?”

“Who?”

John looked at Doctor Hillard like he was a complete idiot. “Tasha…she was bleeding like crazy and nobody was doing anything about it.” he was beginning to get worked up again and tried to take deep breaths so he didn’t end up locked up for another amount of time.

“Tasha is fine, she just got back from Bart’s.” Doctor Hillard said. “She needed some stitches but she is okay.”

“Good.” John said and sighed. “Can I get out of here?”

Doctor Hillard nodded his head, “Yes…and may I suggest a shower?”

“Noted.” John said as he stood up and walked awkwardly out of the seclusion room and down the hall to his bedroom. As he stripped off his wet clothes he made a face. ‘You fucking pissed yourself…on purpose.’ He yelled at himself in his head as he climbed into the shower. He showered for a good twenty minutes before climbing out and redressing in his pajamas. It was now close to 9pm so he figured dressing in his night clothes was the way to go. With grippy socks on he padded his way out to the day room to see what was going on and if anybody wanted anything to do with him. Surprisingly the only person he found was Tasha who was sitting in a chair staring out the window.

“Where is everybody?” He asked the young woman

Tasha turned to look at him, “They are on the roof looking at the stars. James brought in his telescope.”

“And we weren’t on our best behavior today so we weren’t invited.” John simply stated, understanding but hating it all the same.

Tasha gave a small smile, “Pretty much.”

John went and sat with her looking out the window, “You okay?”

“Fine.”

John knew when somebody didn’t want to talk so he didn’t press just simply watched out the window with her until everybody else came piling onto the ward all happy about what they had seen. Even Sherlock was gabbing along with Charlie and Jennifer. He stopped though when he saw John sitting in the day room.

“Hi.” He said quietly.

“Hi.”

Sherlock cleared his throat and looked around to see if anybody was listening. “You want to talk in my room?”

John wasn’t sure what this was about but figured it was fine to talk with his friend. “Sure.” He replied and walked with Sherlock to his bedroom.

Once there Sherlock flopped onto his bed, patting the spot next to him, wanting John to sit down. When John did he automatically started talking. “I’m sorry you had a hard evening. I saw what you tried to do for Tasha, that was nice of you.”

“I don’t really want to talk about it, Sherlock.” John said gently but firmly at the same time. He didn’t want to talk about his problems with authority or the fact that he had put urine soaked clothing into his laundry. No, none of that happened…not at all.

Sherlock got the hint and nodded his head. “Okay another topic, one we need to talk about.”

John wasn’t sure he liked this but nodded, “Okay…”

“You need to make a choice…Mary or Me.”

“Sherlock…”

“I’m serious you need to choose if you are going to be with one of us or neither of us.”

John sighed, “Okay…my answer is that I don’t think it’s healthy if the two of us become a couple while we are in the hospital. Maybe when we get out and I have a chance to talk with Mary.”

“You can talk to Mary here.” Sherlock said actually sounding like he was going to start crying because of John’s response.

“Sherlock it doesn’t work like that.” John said but had to wonder ‘why doesn’t it…you know you want him in more ways than one.’

Sherlock shook his head, “It DOES work like that.” He sighed, “It’s gotta.”

John felt tears coming to his own eyes as he pulled Sherlock in for a hug. “Oh Mate.” He kissed his once again greasy hair. “We’re in a mess.”

“We are?”

“Yeah because I love you so much I don’t want to mess whatever this is up.”

Sherlock pulled back enough to look at John. “You love me?”

“Of course I do.”

“I love you too…and yes I DO know what that means.” Sherlock said pointedly and looked at John expectedly. “Please John.”

John sighed and simply got off the bed and excited the room, he couldn’t do this. He was a heterosexual man and loved his girlfriend…a girlfriend he needed to talk to badly.

“Can I use the phone?” he asked Rose who glanced at the clock.

“John it’s almost time for lights out.” She noticed that John looked distressed so she sighed and nodded his head. “Just a second.”

John nodded back and sat down in the chair where his phone call would be connected. Like Rose said she turned the phone on so he could dial Mary’s number and was so thankful when she picked up the phone. “Hey Baby.” He said softly.

Mary smiled big when she heard John’s voice. “Hey You…I was hoping you would call.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are great!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well it has been almost a year since I have worked on this story for various reasons. This chapter has been finished for a while but I simply didn't feel like posting it. With that said it has not be Beta-ed so I apologize at how awful it is. I hope there are people out there that are still reading this piece.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thrive on feedback and Kudos so please send some my way!

Mary walked onto the ward looking around a bit nervously. She was being escorted by one of the front desk clerks named Thomas who simply dropped her off in the day room and left leaving her alone and a bit confused.

Jennifer was the first to spot the woman and by the fact that she was carrying a gift bag knew she wasn’t a new patient but a visitor. “Hello…can I help you?” she asked politely.

“Um I am here to see John…John Watson.”

“Oh.” Jennifer smiled. “I think he’s in the TV room with the rest of the guys. Something about a football game.”

“Right.” Mary said looking around. “Mind showing me where that is?”

Jennifer nodded and led Mary down the hall to the TV room. Sure enough there were the guys, orderlies and nurses included, watching the football game.

Hearing the door open John looked away from the TV and he smiled big when he saw the short haired blonde woman standing in the doorway. “Mary.” He said getting up and going to her and hugging her tight. He HOPED after all he had to talk to her about they could stay friends.

Sherlock heard and watched the commotion and felt his stomach churn. Mary was very pretty…could he compete with that?

John led Mary out of the TV room and down the hallway to his bedroom. They both sat on his bed much like he did with Sherlock and he began talking right away. “Mary something is happening…and I cannot seem to stop it.”

Mary looked at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I think I am falling in love with somebody else.” John admitted, not beating around the bush.

“I see.”

John sighed, “I think it started years ago…I just ignored it.”

Mary looked at him for a moment before looking down at her lap. “It’s Sherlock.”

“Yes.”

“You’ve been cheating on me here?” Mary questioned still not looking up.

John’s eyes went wide and he shook his head. “No I haven’t I told him nothing could happen until after I talked with you, I have been completely faithful to you.”

Mary looked up now and saw the honesty in John’s eyes and that made her feel better. “I only want you happy John.” She licked her lips. “If being with him will make you happy then we should end our relationship.”

“Can we still be friends?”

This caused Mary to smile a little, “I would like that.”

Just then Sherlock appeared in the door and he bounded into the room. “Can I hang out with you guys that game is dreadfully dull.”

Mary raised an eyebrow and looked at John. “Sherlock?”

“Yes.” John said to her and then looked at his friend…almost boyfriend. “Sherlock meet Mary.”

“Hi.” Sherlock said as he sat on the edge of the bed at John’s feet. “Seriously though can I stay in here?”

Mary smiled at Sherlock, “Of course you can.” She automatically liked this hyperactive individual.

“Thank you,”

John figured he should tell Sherlock what was going on, “So Mary and I talked…we’ve decided to just be friends.”

Sherlock took in what this meant and his eyes went wide, “You mean?”

“I do.”

Sherlock smiled big and giggled…actually giggled. “I have a boyfriend.”

Mary laughed even though deep down she felt like crying. “Be good to him, Sherlock…and you Mr.” she poked John in the stomach. “You be good to him.”

 

<><><><><><><>  
  
Mary stayed for a good two hours just hanging out with who she saw of as  ‘her boys’ and promised to come back in a few days to visit. She once again gave them her blessing as she left.

Now an hour after she left the boys were napping peacefully in John’s room when Hank came and knocked on the door. “Hey sleeping beauties it’s time for group.” He said with a smile on his face.

John woke first and looked at Hank. “Do we gotta, Mom?” he teased just in a good mood.

Hank rolled his eyes, “Be in the group room in five or this is going to cause problems.” He said nodding towards Sherlock who was in his arms.

“We’ll be there.” John said as he gently shook Sherlock. “Hey…Sherlock time to wake up we’ve gotta be in group.”

Sherlock opened his eyes and yawned, “I don’t want to.” He said closing his eyes again

“We’ll be in trouble if we don’t go.” John said as he pulled away and stood up. “Come on up up time.”

“Up Up time?” Sherlock questioned with a raised eyebrow. “Are we five now?”

“Yes…now get up.” John laughed.

The two of them headed into the group room where they found everybody else sitting around the table waiting.

“Okay now that Sherlock and John are finally here, we can get started.” Meghan said with a slight annoyance to her voice but also some humor was there too.

The group was more informational then therapeutic because some things were changing in the next couple of days. The first thing that was found out by the group was that Charlie would be leaving the hospital to return home the day after next. He had been at the hospital longer than Sherlock’s six months so it was time for him to finally go home to his family.

With that said they DID do a bit of a therapeutic group as they talked about the various coping skills they could use while out in the community. This was in preparation for the next day’s outing to the local shops to get things for Charlies discharge party that would be tomorrow evening.

Once the group was over, John walked up to Charlie and patted him on the back. “Congratulations man.” He said with a smile. “I’m sure you deserve to go home.” He felt this was really the case because besides seeing the man strip naked down the hallway on one occasion he hadn’t seen any outlandish behaviors from the individual.

Charlie smiled, “Thanks…I hope I can stay out of the hospital a little while this time.”

Sherlock stood back, not sure what to say to the man mostly because he was beginning to feel an emotion he wasn’t used to and that was jealousy. He honestly knew he wasn’t ready to go home…wherever that really was, but he also didn’t want to stay at the hospital forever. Six months was a long time even though he really didn’t remember the first two months of it.

As the group ended and everybody headed out of the room to do various things, John was stopped in the hallway by Doctor Hillard. “Hello John…can we speak for a moment?”

John groaned, he didn’t feel like talking to anybody right then except for maybe his friends. But being the good boy he was he nodded his head and followed the doctor to one of the consultation rooms.

“John I will get to the point since I know you really don’t want to be meeting with me.” Doctor Hillard said and when John nodded he continued. “I would like to try you on a new medication in addition to your Paxil.”

“Something else to help my depression?” John questioned as he crossed his legs as he looked at the doctor curiously. “I haven’t really been feeling all that depressed.”

Doctor Hillard shook his head, “I would like to start you on a medication called Adderall.”

John had heard that name before and quickly wracked his brain for information on it. When it came he was a bit shocked. “That’s for ADHD.”

“You’re correct.”

“You think I have ADHD?”

“I am trying to rule it out, that and adult onset Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).” The doctor explained. “I can get a nurse to get you a print out on both disorders and the new medication if you would like but I really think we need to switch gears from the depression to focusing on your anger, impulsivity and problems with authority.”

John sighed, this was making him feel even crazier than he had when he walked in the door of New Haven, but he knew all of what the doctor was saying was true. “Okay new meds, whatever.” He said standing up. “I’ve got better things to do than to talk about It.” with that he left the room honestly wondering what the better things he had to do were.

“You okay?” Sherlock questioned as John walked into the day room where he was sitting and reading a book. “That was a pretty fast talk with the Doc.”

“He just wants to put me on some new med.” John said brushing it off. He couldn’t mentally grasp at the moment that the doctor thought something else was wrong with him. ‘They are just trying to rule it out’ he thought to himself.

Sherlock looked worried though, “John you aren’t telling me something.” He put his book down and sat up a bit straighter as if that made it look like he was more ready to listen. “Nobody else is here right now so you can tell me.”

John sighed, “They think I have ADHD and ODD.”

Sherlock listened to the acronyms and tried to remember what they stood for. He understood Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder but couldn’t figure out ODD. “What is ODD?” he finally asked.

“Oppositional Defiant Disorder.” John simply answered.

“Oh.”

John raised an eyebrow what did ‘oh’ mean? “Yeah your boyfriend is getting crazier the by the second.”

Sherlock shook his head in the negative, “No you’re not…you’ve always been hyper and aggressive to an extent.” He then added. “Like I’ve been anal retentive.”

“Touché” John said with a sigh. “Come on let’s play a game or something.”

“Can’t.”

“Huh?”

“Mrs. Hudson is on her way.” Sherlock stated like that was the most normal thing in the world.

“Mrs. Hudson…our old landlady is coming here?”

Sherlock made a face, “Should we call her old?”

John couldn’t help but laugh, “I meant our PREVIOUS landlady is coming here to visit?”

“Yes…I called her a few minutes ago and explained how I am alive…”

“You simply told her you were alive and she is willing to come and see you?” John couldn’t believe the older individual would be so ‘okay’ with Sherlock being alive. He remembered his own personal reaction to seeing the younger man and inwardly cringed.

Sherlock sighed, “She is upset but wants to make sure it is really me.”

“Did you tell her I was here?”

“No…I figured that was your job.” Sherlock explained his wise decision.

“Thank you.” John smiled. “So when is she coming?”

Sherlock looked at the clock on the wall and smiled. “She will be here any minute.”

And sure enough about five minutes later the older woman was walking into the day room carrying a bag that contained a box of chocolate biscuits and a couple of books she had grabbed from 221B. She hadn’t been able to let out the flat after Sherlock’s ‘death’, the emotions were too high. Even after John moved out she kept everything the same.

John sat nervously in his chair by the window as Sherlock got up and embraced the woman they both thought as a mother figure and a friend. He figured if she could get over Sherlock’s lie than she would get over the fact that John was along for the ride visiting the loony bin.

‘Oh Sherlock I am so happy to see you.” Mrs. Hudson said hugging him tightly. “I just knew you would come back…I just knew It”

Sherlock was a bit overpowered by the intense cuddling session but tried not to show it. “I am glad to be back as you say.”

Still focused only on Sherlock, Mrs. Hudson didn’t see John sitting there watching. If she had she wouldn’t have asked the next question. “Does John know?”

“Of course.” Sherlock said and his eyes glanced in John’s direction.

Mrs. Hudson seemed to notice this and turned to look in John’s direction. When she saw him she squealed. “Oh John.” She said running to his side and giving him the biggest hug she could with him still sitting down. “You came to visit too…so nice of you.”

John cleared his throat nervous. “Actually I’m a…um…patient.”

This shocked the woman and she pulled back taking him in. Sure enough she noticed the hospital bracelet on his wrist and gasped. “What happened to you two?” she questioned both men.

“Life Mrs. Hudson…life.”

She sighed in exasperation but changed the topic to the bag in her hand. “They said it was okay if I shared the biscuits and I brought Sherlock some books.” She looked sympathetically at John. “I would have brought you some books or the like too if I knew you were here.”

John smiled, “I know and I understand.”

So the trio ate biscuits and talked for a good two hours before it was dinner time for the boys. Of course they said she could stay and wait while they ate but she insisted she needed to get back home but would come back in a few days.

“Who was that?” Jennifer questioned at the dinner table. “One of your mum’s?”

“You’ve met my mum.” Sherlock pointed out.

Jennifer didn’t say anything to that but looked at John for his response.

“Not my mum either…she was our landlady on Baker Street.” John explained to the younger girl. “A good friend really…and kind of like a mum.”

“I see.” She replied as she sipped her drink.

“How much do you weigh?” Sherlock asked Jennifer completely out of the blue.

The room went completely silent

“Sherlock…” Rose warned seeing the look on Jennifer’s face.

“What I’m just asking. She looking thinner with each passing day.” Sherlock said honestly not understanding that what he asked wasn’t only rude it could be dangerous for the ill young woman.

Jennifer got up pushing her chair in. She didn’t have the look on her face she got when she was sick to her stomach but instead just looked sad. “Thanks a lot Sherlock.” She said before simply walking out of the room and down the hall towards her bedroom.

“Nice one Sherlock.” Charlie said watching Jennifer walk away. “If she pukes she can’t come get the stuff for my party tomorrow.”

Sherlock looked confused, “I just asked a question…I’m worried for her.” It was true he really was worried and simply worded things wrong.

James actually took Sherlock’s side, something he normally didn’t do with their torrid relationship, but he felt Sherlock had honestly tried to help. “Sherlock I know you were trying to help but remember to think about your words before you say them.” He said gently.

“Should I apologize?” Sherlock asked, unsure of what to do to make things better. He wanted her to be able to join them on their outing the next day.

“That would be nice.” John said knowing if it was him in the situation of Jennifer he would want somebody apologizing to him.

Sherlock nodded, “Okay.” He left his pretty much uneaten dinner and walked down the hall to Jennifer’s room and knocked on the door.

Jennifer sat on her bed with her head in her hands tears falling down her cheeks. “Come in.”  she sniffled.

Hesitantly, Sherlock opened the door and stood there awkwardly. “Um…hi.”

“Hi.” Jennifer said looking up at him with big brown eyes. “Here to say you’re sorry or something?”

“Yes.” Sherlock said thankfully she was making this easy on him. “I am sorry…I was trying to help you.”

Jennifer sighed, “I know.” She said with a slight smile. “Thank you.”

“For saying I’m sorry or for trying to help?”

“Both.” Jennifer laughed.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again feedback and Kudos are great!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comments welcome

The next morning was a flurry of energy around the ward. Everybody was excited about the outing to the local grocery to pick up things for Charlie’s ‘Goodbye’ party. The group was to leave around 11am and it was now only 8am and everybody was already dressed and ready to go they were that excited.

“I think we should get party hats.” Jennifer said at the breakfast table. She was completely ignoring her Ensure drink but nobody seemed to care at the moment.

John laughed “It’s not a birthday party, Jen.” He was nibbling on a piece of bacon while playing ‘footsie’ under the table with Sherlock.

Sherlock of course had NO idea what John was trying to do but something about it felt good so he kept up with it.

Jennifer pouted, “I know but I still think hats would be cute, especially for pictures.”

“I don’t think we can take pictures.” Tasha pointed out around her spoon. “Something about confidentiality.”

“Oh.”

Charlie simply smiled, just happy that everybody cared so much about him getting ready to leave. “If you want to get party hats I’m all for it Jennifer.”

This caused the girl to smile big and she dashed off to ask Hank, who was working with them on party items, if the party hats were an okay idea.

John accidently kicked Sherlock a bit harder under the table and quickly apologized.

Sherlock reached down and rubbed at his shin. “Jesus John…that’s going to leave a mark.”

Just then there was a bit of commotion in the hallway and everybody turned to see Mycroft and none other than Greg Lestrade were standing there which was a bit weird since it was so early in the morning.

“Your brother is here Sherlock.” Jennifer said rather stupidly since everybody was looking in their direction. “And he brought the sexy detective.” She actually licked her lips as she looked at him.

John’s eyes went wide and he felt like shrinking away. He hadn’t thought about Lestrade until now.

Sherlock stood up and disposed of his breakfast tray. “You’re early.” He said and gave a slight smile to both men. “I’m surprised you got him out of bed this early.”  By HIM he meant Greg.

Greg rolled his eyes, “I’m always awake early, Sherlock and you know it.”

“Well it’s easier if you’re woke up to a blow job.”

Everybody in the room gasped but Carl spoke up. “Sherlock be polite or your visitors will leave.”

Sherlock rolled his own eyes. “Why are you people so prudish?”

“It has nothing to do with being prudish but it’s rude Sherlock.” John said but was a bit curious what did Sherlock know of Lestrade’s sexual exploits? Then something hit him and his eyes went wide and his mouth went slack. “Bloody hell.”

This caused everybody to look in his direction and a very shocked Greg Lestrade looked at him.  “John?”

‘Great’ John said to himself when the Detective Inspector came walking over to him. “Hi Greg.” He said in the calmest voice one could have before they were about to have a panic attack.

“You’re coming to visit Sherlock too?” Greg questioned confusion on his face. “You could have rode with us if that was the case.”

Sherlock looked like he was about to say something when John quickly answered the question, everybody else in the room looking right at him. “I um…” he played with the hem of his t-shirt. “I’m actually a patient here.”

Greg got even more confused as he really took in John’s appearance. He was wearing sweats and a simple dark gray t-shirt. Sure, John was a casual guy, but not normally THIS casual at least not out in public. So the other man was telling the truth…he was a patient, but why? ‘None of your business Lestrade’ he thought to himself.

“Did you bring me anything?” Sherlock asked as he looked at the bag in his brother’s hand and another one in Greg’s.

Mycroft rolled his eyes and handed the bag to his brother who greedily took it and went to sit at the table to look through its contents.

John looked from Mycroft to Greg with raised eyebrow. “So I’m a mental patient and you two are dating?” he deduced on his own from the way they were standing and had come in together…oh and it was obvious Sherlock already knew. Why hadn’t he said something? Oh right he’s Sherlock.”

Greg shook his head in the negative, “No we’re not dating.”

John had the decency to look embarrassed.

“They’re married.” Sherlock said from where he was taking various things out of the paper grocery bag.

“Married?” John said it as a question but really it was just out of pure shock. “Oh wow…I mean I didn’t even know you two…went that way.”

“We don’t” Both men said at once.

Charlie who had been listening in on the conversation spoke up. “They’re just gay for each other…right?”

Greg and Mycroft looked at each other a second before simply nodding their heads.

“Mycroft…you know I hate spearmint.”

Everybody turned to look at Sherlock who was holding up a pack of gum.

“That’s for John.” Mycroft said as he walked over and took out a pack of straight bubble gum and handed that to Sherlock. “That is yours.”

“Oh” Sherlock said smiling a little as he automatically took out a piece of the gum and started gnawing on.

“You didn’t have to get me anything. “John said but was smiling too.

“I think half the stuff in that bag IS yours.” Greg pointed out as he looked at the contents of the bag on the table. “Oh and then there is this one.” He said handing over the bag to John. “I think that is mostly Sherlock’s though since it looks like stuff he would wear…sort of.”

This caught Hank’s attention, “If it’s clothing we’ll need to check it in.”

John handed the bag to Hank instead of Sherlock.

Sherlock realized this and quickly tried to reach for the bag and with his Sherlockian reflexes he shook his head. “Mine.”

“We realize that Sherlock, but it needs to be inventoried and your initials put in it.”

Sherlock looked like he was going to have a full-blown temper tantrum but Charlie and Jennifer spoke up at the same time. “Our outing Sherlock!” they said together which put them in a fit of giggles.

Just the giggling itself shook Sherlock from his strange brain space and sighed. “Whatever.” He said going back to the contents of the other bag.

 

<><><><><><><> Mycroft and Greg only stayed for about an hour before Sherlock and John had to get ready for their outing. John was busy trying to convince Sherlock he NEEDED to take a shower before they left because he smelled awful. Now that they weren’t just friends but boyfriends he felt like he could say this and if it upset the other individual than so bad.

Sherlock glared at John as he sat in the middle of his bed in an Indian Style position. “You know I hate taking a shower…reminds me of…”

John held up a hand to stop Sherlock from once again telling him about the abuse he suffered while in Serbia. He knew it happened but still didn’t like hearing about it.

Sherlock looked like he was going to ignore John’s silent request but didn’t and instead just pouted.

“Sherlock you don’t want to go to the shops smelling like a sweaty mess.” John continued to try. “Plus your hair must be itchy…hell you must be itchy everywhere.” John was definitely a shower every day kind of guy so the idea of going multiple days without showering was mind boggling to the doctor. Not to mention as a doctor he completely saw the health benefits of showering on a regular basis.

To prove John’s point Sherlock reached up and scratched at his greasy curls. When he did so he glared at John. “Fine.” He said getting up. “But only for five minutes…or less.”

John smiled big and tossed a towel at his boyfriend. “I thank you and so does your body.” He sat down on Sherlock’s bed as the younger man headed into his bathroom and started the shower. He was wondering if Sherlock could ‘fake’ showering but when he heard the other man gasp and the sound of the water change he knew he was honestly trying to take the shower.

Sherlock showered exactly 4.78 minutes and was soon walking out of his room in a towel blushing a little. “I forgot clothes.”

“R-right.” John said trying to not ogle his half naked boyfriend. “So um you’ve known about Mycroft and Greg for a while?”

“What does that have to do with me forgetting my clothes?” Sherlock questioned as he grabbed boxers, black trousers and a white button down and headed back into the bathroom to change.

John chuckled, “It had nothing to do with the clothes Sherlock, I simply was trying to ignore the fact that you were walking past me in just a towel.”

“Oh.” Sherlock said with a confused look on his face, not grasping the fact that John would find him arousing in nothing but a towel. “But yes Mycroft has been with Lestrade for almost a year now….married for five months.”

“And I wasn’t invited.” John said with a fake pout.

“Neither was I.” Sherlock pointed out not understanding the fake pout but just seeing the pout itself. “Of course I was busy being a lunatic.”

Just then Carl came walking up to the room and rolled his eyes when he saw John on Sherlock’s bed still dressed in his pajamas. “John we’re leaving in twenty minutes if you would like to go with us you need to be dressed in five.”

John let out a very girlish squeak before jumping off the bed. “Be back, Sherlock.” He said heading next door to his own room. He hated that he still only had sweats and t-shirts to wear but put on his less ‘ratty’ pair, used the bathroom, and fixed his hair. By the time he was done the five minutes had gone by and he hoped he wasn’t too late.

Everybody was in the day room sitting around the large table and talking amongst themselves, well except Sherlock who was sitting there looking like the consulting detective should look and not talking with anybody. John took his seat and listened while Hank, Carl and Maggie talk about the short outing they were about to embark on.

“I need an expectation from everybody.” Maggie said firmly, something she didn’t always sound like. Sure, she was a great staffer but she was normally the sweet meek and mild one. But it was obvious that their safety and behavior control on this outing was very important.

“Stay in orderly’s sight.”

“Don’t run away.”

“Don’t eat any of the food at the store.”

“No pissing on the tomatoes.”

The last thing said was from Sherlock and everybody turned to look at him like he really had completely lost his mind

“Sherlock…” Carl said in warning.

Sherlock wasn’t sure what he did wrong. “We should piss on the tomatoes?”

 

<><><><><><><><> 

 

The group walked through the isles of the local shops everybody having a great time picking out various snacks and sweets for the party that evening. Even Sherlock was getting into it when it was his job to pick out the biscuits for the event. He came over after spending almost ten minutes staring and the boxes to get John’s opinion. “Plan chocolate, chocolate and coconut or chocolate and mint?” he asked his boyfriend holding each box up when he said it’s title.

“I think you can get all three, Sherlock.” John said finding all of them sounded tasty. “We’re going to have to get milk for those.”

Sherlock’s eyes went wide and he was off dashing for the dairy department.

“DON’T RUN!” Hank yelled at Sherlock’s retreating form as he tried to catch up with him to keep him in their sight.

 

 

<><><><><><><><> 

 

 

“Charlie this may be your party but you are not getting that.” Maggie said to the young man with a laugh shaking her head.

Charlie pouted a little. “But it’s cute.”

“It’s horrendous.”

Everybody looked at Sherlock who just shrugged.

Charlie REALLY wanted to buy a table cloth that had FUZZY purple kittens and puppies on it. “Why can I not get it?” he asked honestly wondering.

“It’s fuzzy…could be a health hazard.” Sherlock said with a nod of his head.

Carl sighed, “It’s either the hats or the table cloth not both.”

This got a smile out of Charlie. “Oh definitely the hats…I cannot wait to see Sherlock in a pointed hat.”

“Can I get a witches hat? That’s pointed and it’s not hot pink.” Sherlock questioned completely serious.

Hank laughed, “First off the hats are in multiple colors not just hot pink and also it is the middle of July not October so I doubt we’ll find any witches hats here at the local grocery.”

“Give me black craft paper and I will make one.”

Jennifer squealed, “Oh my God Sherlock had the best idea!”

An elderly couple walking down the isle looked at them funny.

Sherlock looked at them funny right back.

Tasha just rolled her eyes but looked to the other woman. “What did he say that was good?”

“We should MAKE our hats…and that way we have money for the table cloth.” Jennifer said bounding a little in her spot. She looked to the orderlies. “Please?”

The three looked at each other and all shrugged. “Why not.” Maggie said with a smile.

“So we’re getting the fucking cat and dog thing?”

“Sherlock…language” Maggie said much like if she was his mother.

Sherlock rolled his eyes.   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again Kudos and comments welcome


	17. Chapter 17

Tasha looked in at the art room with a heavy sigh she wanted nothing more than to join the rest of the group doing the art projects but knew she was unable to do so because of her scissor restriction. 

John walked out of the room heading to the bathroom and gave her a small smile. “Won’t they let you make something out here?” he asked the young girl, feeling awful for her. “If not I’ll make sure to make you a hat.”

“Rose is already doing it for me.”

“Oh okay.” John said not sure what else to say as he headed to his room to use the bathroom. He honestly felt terrible for the fellow patient and almost felt like he should have been able to do something to prevent her incident from happening. Of course he knew there wasn’t…how was he to know she was feeling suicidal that day and that she shouldn’t have been in art therapy where she had access to scissors? He still thought about his own incident that day and his new diagnoses the next. Did he really have that big of a problem with authority? If he did would he have survived the military as well as he had? Sighing he finished up doing his business and headed back to the art room…this time Tasha wasn’t standing there watching.

Sherlock looked up when John entered the room, “Feeling constipated John?” He asked rather bluntly causing John to blush. 

“I was talking with Tasha.” He explained slightly glaring at his boyfriend. “Speaking of which when was the last time YOU used the bathroom?” he whispered so nobody else in the room could hear. Thankfully everybody was at the other end of the long table from them anyway.

“I don’t see how that is any of your business.” Sherlock grumbled as he tried to get a ‘googly eye’ to stick to the front of his paper witches hat.

“Well as your doctor, your best mate and your boyfriend I think I qualify for that knowledge.” John said with a shrug. “I KNOW you used to have…issues…in that department from not eating properly so I figured I would ask.”

Sherlock sighed and gave up on the ‘googly eye’ figuring it would look too pathetic anyway. He then turned to John. “I will have you know I did THAT four days ago.” He said actually sounding proud of this which John found shocking.

John looked around to see if anybody was paying attention to him before whispering….”Sherlock you’re supposed to have a…bowel movement at least every other day not every four days!” he chuckled a little. “No wonder you’re moody.”

“I am not.” Sherlock pouted and shoved away the hat that was not cooperating with him. 

John grabbed the hat back and placed it in front of Sherlock. “Try again…it’s just a hat.” He then added. “A nice looking one at that.”

“Is not.” Sherlock still pouted looking at what he felt was an ugly black pointed hat but it was really quite nice. He sighed looking at the hat John was making and made a face. “Now YOURS is ugly John.”

John tried not to be offended. “I am not good with crafts.” He said also trying to keep from pouting too. “I was rubbish at it even in nursery school.”

Kendra the art therapist walked over to their end of the table and smiled. “Good job guys.” She said patting each of them on the back. “I love the smiley face John.”

John had put a smiley face in the middle of his hat I bright yellow in remembrance of the one on the wall at 221B. “Thank you he said to the beautiful woman with jet black hair. She was eccentric and completely different than anybody he would normally have thought as beautiful but boy was she.

Sherlock noticed John’s lingering gaze on art therapist and scrunched up his eyebrows in confusion…wasn’t HE supposed to be getting looks like that? He then did the only thing he could think of and that was kick John from under the table to get his attention.

“Hey!” John exclaimed rather loudly causing everybody to look in their direction. He blushed a little and shook his head. “Sorry.” He didn’t explain anything to the other individuals in the room but looked at Sherlock funny and whispered…”What was that for?”

“You’re ogling our art therapist.”

John had the decency to blush and look down at his rather atrocious hat. “I wasn’t ogling.”

“You were looking at her.” Sherlock said actually offended that John wasn’t actually denying that fact. “You’re taken.”

“I am.”

“Then stop it.”

John laughed a bit, “Point taken Sherlock…I am sorry.”

Sherlock smiled a bit at this, “Apology accepted.”

<><><><><><><><><> 

The actual party started around 7pm that evening, after they all were SUPPOSED to eat a normal hospital provided dinner. Of courses everybody decided to just nibble on their food so they would be able to have fun eating all the great goodies and snacks they had picked up at the store that morning.

“What time do you leave tomorrow?” John asked Charlie as he and the other man stood next to the CD player, trying to pick out a CD to play in the day area of the ward were the party was mostly taking place. There would be a movie set up in the TV room if they wanted to watch it but so far everybody was having fun snacking and listening to music. 

“Around 10am.” Charlie said as he took a sip of his punch. “Getting a tad nervous.”

“I would be too.” John admitted with a smile. “I would be nervous to go home and I’ve only been here a week and a half.”

“Well that is why you would be nervous…it takes more than a week to feel comfortable to leave this place.” Charlie explained. “But I am not THAT nervous…just a little.”

John smiled some more and then busted up laughing as Jennifer and Tasha attacked Sherlock on the other side of the room with a camera. They had found they all had permission to have photos taken as long as they stayed in the hospital so the girls were becoming amateur photographers. 

Sherlock was being a complete idiot about the whole thing and kept trying to hide his face from the camera. “Leave me the fuck alone.” He finally spat actually shoving Jennifer a little when she got into his space.

Jennifer’s eyes went wide, she wasn’t hurt by any means, but tears were in her eyes. “Screw you Sherlock Holmes.” She said rushing off with Tasha on her heels. 

“Excuse me.” John said to Charlie before heading over to where his boyfriend was sitting with his arms crossed over his chest glaring at the girls retreating backs. “Care to explain?”

“No.”

“Well you’re going to.” John sat down next to Sherlock, giving him his full attention. “Either you talk to me or I get James over here to talk to you.” He then laughed. “Or I could send you to bed like the 2 year old you’re acting like.”

Sherlock sighed and grumbled something that didn’t make any sense.

“Pardon?”

“I said my stomach hurts.” Sherlock spat after a few seconds of silence between the couple. 

“Eat too many sweets?” John questioned and looked around to see the evidence of the candy wrappers and biscuit crumbs but didn’t even see a plate. “Sherlock have you even had anything to eat for the party?”

Sherlock looked at John like he had lost his mind…or more then was needed to be in this place. “I said my stomach hurts…why would I EAT if I feel ill?”

John thought about this for a second, his boyfriend was being so cryptic. It took him a second to realize what might be going on. “You should ask for something to help you.”

“It’ll go on its own.” Sherlock said with a rather flamboyant wave of his arm. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not.” John said standing up. “I will go talk with Tammy about it.” he said speaking of one of the nurses that was on duty that evening. “I’m a doctor remember…I know what you’re going through isn’t usually normal…but it can be normal with all the medication you’re taking.”

Sherlock stood up with John and got in his face, “You are NOT my keeper.. I do not need you to go talk with a nurse about my…issues.”

“Then do it yourself.” John challenged. “Or talk to an orderly about it to talk to the nurse. But whoever does it, it needs to be done.”

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath Sherlock stomped off to the nurses’ station.

<><><><><><><><><>  
  
  
“I cannot believe I just did that.” Sherlock said sitting on the edge of his bed staring at the bathroom awkwardly.

John chuckled a little as he rubbed his boyfriend’s back. “You’ll feel better in a few minutes.”

“I just put something UP my ass.”

John couldn’t help his laughter getting stronger at the pathetic look on Sherlock’s face. “Well someday…soon…you’ll have more than THAT up your ass.” He said with a playful smirk and wiggled his blonde eyebrows.

Sherlock’s eye went wide but it had nothing to do with what John had just said. He was much too preoccupied with rushing to the bathroom. “Leave me alone.” He said quickly before closing the flimsy foam and Velcro door.

“Gotcha.” John said before getting up and leaving the room. He walked next door to his room and decided to read one of the books he got at the library a few days earlier. He would have gone back to the party but he would wait for Sherlock. 

Sherlock joined John in his bedroom a good fifteen minutes later blushing a little. “We might want to stay out of my room for a while.”

“I have a pretty good idea why so I won’t ask.” John said with a smile as he patted the spot next to him on the bed. “Feeling better though?”

“Much.” Sherlock admitted as he sat on the bed and snuggled up to John. “Tammy says she is putting in an order for me to take some fiber drink in the morning so I don’t have to do through THAT again.” 

John nodded his head, “Good thinking…I told you it wasn’t normal.”

“John?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you really want to have sex with me?” Sherlock asked sounding rather young and innocent. “You alluded to it before I…well…earlier and I wasn’t sure what you really thought about it.”

John smiled, “Sherlock you know I do.”

“But what about what happened with Kendra the art lady today?”

“Oh God.” John said putting his book down and looking at Sherlock. “I’m a sexual guy…you know that. I sometimes get all flustered and weird around both sexes and it seems like attraction. But Baby all I want is you.”

“Baby?”

“Yes…a term of endearment.”

“Hmm.”

John rolled his eyes, “Just go with it Sherlock.”

Just then Charlie poked his head in the door way and smirked. “Hey lovebirds…you plan on joining the rest of the party? I think staffers are going to start wondering what’s up if you don’t join again.”

“We’ll be right out.” John said and when Charlie nodded and left the room he kissed the top of Sherlock’s head and patted his leg. “Come on Party Freak let’s go.”

“Can I still have cupcakes…and biscuits and potato chips?”

“I’m sure they left you some.” John laughed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback and kudos are most welcome -- like always :)


	18. Chapter 18

John groaned in his sleep and tossed and turned trying to get comfortable but it wasn’t working. He felt completely and utterly awful and lying in bed was NOT helping things. Sitting up he swung his legs off the bed and sat staring at the door. He felt rather silly going to the nurse to ask for something for a bit of a tummy ache but knew he needed to do something. Groaning he heaved himself off the bed and padded his way out the door in just his pajama pants absently mindedly scratching at his bare stomach. 

“You’re the third person tonight.” Ginger the overnight nurse said when John got to the window and was about to mention he needed something for a stomach ache. “I think you guys partied a bit too hard.”

“I guess so.” John said when she handed him a cup of medicine and he drank it down quickly, making a face. It was than he noticed Sherlock was sitting up in the day room reading a book. “Hey.” He said to his boyfriend.

Sherlock looked up and gave John a small smile. “You have a stomach ache too just like everybody else?”

“Not you?”

Sherlock shook his head, “Nope…but I think you lot had more to eat than me.”

“Probably.” John said rubbing his stomach to try and sooth it. “What are you reading?” he questioned realizing it wasn’t of his normal books.

“Meghan gave me a book on ODD.” Sherlock said looking at the book again. “I thought since you were reading up on my issues I would do the same.”

John was rather impressed. “That is nice of you…I think.”

“You’re welcome.” Sherlock said with a smile. “I only get another ten minutes out here before they say I have to go back to my room.”

“Have you been to bed?” John questioned as he squinted at the clock seeing it was around 3am.

Sherlock shook his head, “Nah…but I’m not tired.”

John sighed, he hated when Sherlock didn’t sleep it led to other troublesome behavior during the day. “Maybe you can sneak into my room and sleep with me?”

That had Sherlock laughing, “Cameras and bed check’s John.”

“Touché.” 

Sherlock put his bookmark in his book and closed it. “We will see each other in the morning.” He said and with that headed off to his room. When he was halfway there he turned back with a smirk. “By the way…nice chest.”

John looked down at himself and blushed bright red when he realized he was indeed topless.

<><><><><><><><>  
  
  
Thankfully after his stomach medicine, John was able to get back to sleep without a problem. Sadly, Sherlock did not sleep and was a cranky bastard the next morning, snipping at everybody including John.

“Leave me alone John.” Sherlock said as he paced the day room watching as people came and went trying to get Charlie ready to leave. There were doctors and therapists everywhere and it was making the once consulting detective nervous beyond belief.

“You’re going to wear a hole in the flooring.” John laughed a rather bittersweet kind of laugh. “Seriously Sherlock calm down it’s going to be okay.”

“He’s leaving…which means somebody new will come.”

Ah so THAT was what was going on. John thought as he watched his boyfriend pacing. “Sherlock maybe you’ll like who comes next. You liked it when *I* came.” 

Sherlock stopped pacing for a second and shook his head. “I couldn’t sleep a wink the night you came.”

“You never sleep even when things are ‘normal’.” John pointed out. “Come on Babe come sit down with me and when Charlie comes out of his meetings you can say goodbye.”

“No.” Sherlock said shaking his head. “I don’t do that.” He turned to look at John and then dashed for his bedroom closing the door rather loudly.

John sighed shaking his head at his boyfriend’s bizarre behavior. 

<><><><><><><><>  
  
  
John knocked on Sherlock’s door a couple of hours later. Charlie was already gone and lunch was finished. Of course Hank had tried to get Sherlock to come out of his room both to say goodbye to Charlie AND for the midday meal but the other man had say some lovely explosives and so people decided to leave him alone. Now John had, had enough and was going to get Sherlock for afternoon group.

“Sherlock it’s time to stop throwing a fit and come out of your room.” 

“Fuck off, John” 

“Not nice, Sherlock.’

“Don’t give a damn, John.”

John knew he could just walk in because the door wouldn’t be locked but he respected his boyfriend. “Okay fine…be that way, but I was just going to tell you it’s time for group and you won’t be invited to art this afternoon if you do not come to treatment group.”

“Fuck off John.”

“Right.” John sighed and left Sherlock be. Just as he was leaving his boyfriend’s doorway he was caught by Hank in the hallway. 

“Hey John do you want to do me a huge favor rather than go to group this afternoon?” Hank questioned with a smile on his face.

John looked at the orderly wearily. “You want ME to do YOU a favor?” 

Hank nodded his head, “We have a new guy coming in and I need somebody to help give him a tour.”

“I never got a tour.”

“You came in the middle of the night.” Hank pointed out and John had to nod in agreement.

“Okay…what do you need me to do?”

“Come with me.” Hank said still smiling. “He’ll be here in a few minutes.”

“Does HE have a name?” 

Hank laughed and nodded his head, “You know him…his name is Bryson, he’s coming from downstairs.”

This had John smiling big, “Oh Sherlock is going to be thrilled.” He said knowing the other man would be happy that it wasn’t a complete stranger coming onto the ward.

Just then somebody came over Hank’s walkie-talkie saying something about how Thomas was bringing Bryson upstairs with his belongings in five minutes.

“That is our cue.” Hank said to John still all smiles. “Bry is a good kid, you’ll like him.”

“He seems like it from what I have seen of him.” John said as he walked with Hank to the door. He was a bit surprised when he unlocked it and the two of them walked out into the hallway and over the elevators. A minute went by when they just stood there, John in his sweats and stocking feet feeling rather stupid. 

The elevator chimed and soon Thomas and Bryson came walking of Bryson smiling big dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, obviously happy that he didn’t have to wear only the hospital scrubs now that he was moving down in the ranks of level of care.

“Hey there Bryson…it’s good to have ya up here.” Hank said patting the young man on the back. “Thanks Thomas I think John and I have got it from here.”

Bryson looked around the smile fading from his face a little. “Where is Sherlock?”

John made a face when he thought about his moody boyfriend. “He’s being a jackass today.” He thought he would be serious even when Hank gave him a look.

“Oh.” Bryson said and then shrugged it off. “Okay…so you’re my tour guides?” 

“Well I am going to leave John to it while I inventory your stuff. It has to be done all over again since you are changing programs.” Hank explained to both Bryson and John.

Bryson nodded, “Okay cool.”

Once they were back on the ward Hank took Bryson’s belongings and left John to introduce the younger man to his new surroundings. 

John was nervous and he didn’t know why.  Maybe it was because he had NO idea why Bryson was hospitalized in the first place or just because he was somebody new. “Umm so I guess I will show you your room and then the main stuff.”

“Okay.” Bryson said as he walked with John down the hallway just a little ways because his room was actually the first door they came to. 

“Well this is your room.” John said hoping the door and pointing inside of it. “I’m sure it looks similar to your room downstairs.”

“Identical.” Bryson laughed.  “But thank you for showing it to me.”

John smiled, “Not a problem.” He said as they headed down the hallway to the day room. He showed Bryson the magazine area, where the game closet was and where the meal trays normally stayed when it was meal times. “I’m assuming they are having your tray brought up here.”

Bryson nodded his head. “Yeah I think they told the kitchen that I was moving wards.” He said and let John show him the rest of the ward before the two of them stopped back in the day room and sat down in the chairs by the window.

Sherlock decided to come out of his room at this point mostly because he had a pounding headache that he could no longer ignore and needed an ice pack. He would ask for a pill but was weary of that.

Hearing footsteps Bryson looked in the right direction in time to see Sherlock at the nurses’ station. “Hey Sherlock!”

Hearing the familiar voice but just in the wrong spot; Sherlock turned and looked at Bryson and John. “Bryson?” he questioned looking really confused.

Bryson laughed, he knew that look of confusion. “Since Charlie left they moved me up.” He explained to the older detective. “Isn’t it great?”

Sherlock wasn’t sure if it was great or not but it WAS better than a completely new patient. He knew all of Bryson’s quirks and troublesome behaviors so he figured this was a good compromise. “Nice to hear.” He said in ways of a response. “Now if you two would excuse me I need ice and then I am going back to my room.”

“Feeling ill Babe?”

For some reason Bryson did not find it weird that Sherlock was being called ‘Babe’ by John but just waited to hear his friend’s response.

Sherlock sighed, “My head hurts.”

“You should ask for some medicine for it.” John said as he got up and walked over to his boyfriend, looking at him and touching his forehead to see if he was sick. When he didn’t feel any signs of a fever he put his hand down. “Paracetamol would help your head.” 

“I’m okay…I just need some ice.” Sherlock said and went back to trying to get one of the nurses’ attention.

John sighed, “Okay.” He said going back to Bryson who was a better companion than his boyfriend at the moment.

“So John…want brings you to the hospital? You seem so normal” Bryson said after a second of them just sitting and staring out the window.

“I am normal.” John said and when he could tell Bryson was going to apologize he held up a hand. “Normally insane that is.”

Bryson laughed and shook his head. “But seriously man…what’s your deal?”

John shrugged his shoulders. “I got really depressed and tried to kill myself and sense then really realized I have a huge problem with authority. They are trying me on different medicine to try and fix it…you?”

It was Bryson’s turn to shrug his shoulders. “I’m your typical paranoid schizophrenic.” 

“What does THAT look like?” John asked curiously. Of course he knew what it meant to be schizophrenic but it often presented itself differently in different people.

Bryson shrugged again, “I guess I don’t trust people easily and I hear and see shit all the time…not like Sherlock who only hears stuff when he’s completely manic.” 

This was news to John…Sherlock heard things? He would have to talk with his boyfriend about this piece of information when he got the chance. “So you like hallucinate all the time? Medicine doesn’t help with that?”

“I metabolize things really fast so medicine doesn’t work well for me. It’s why I’ve been here at New Haven for almost a year now.” Bryson admitted. “They just finally got me on a trial med that is working a bit better so I am up here now.”

John made a face that that, “That sound awful.” He said. “I cannot imagine being here so long.”

“I was in treatment centers most of my teenage life too. This all started when I was 12 and my parents couldn’t care for me any longer because of my outlandish behaviors.” 

“How old are you now?”

“Nineteen.” 

This made John sad and he sighed, “Bummer.”

“Majorly.” Bryson agreed but shrugged. “That’s life I suppose.” He then glanced at the clock. “I guess I should see if they got my 2pm med up here already. Talk to you later John.” 

“Bye bye.” John said as he watched Bryson walk off to the nurses’ station to ask for his medicine. He then decided to go check on Sherlock. Maybe the other man wasn’t so upset anymore now that he knew it was Bryson who moved in rather than some total stranger.

Surprisingly enough Sherlock’s room was open but his light was off and John found the other man lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling with an icepack on his head. “Hey.” He said standing in the doorway.

“You can come in.” Sherlock said from his laying position.

John walked into the room and took a seat at Sherlock’s feet. “How’s the head?”

“Pounding.”

“Probably because you haven’t eaten anything all day and are refusing any type of pain medicine.” John pointed out as he took Sherlock’s feet in his lap and started rubbing them.

Sherlock groaned in pleasure when John started rubbing his foot. “THAT is actually helping.” He admitted contently. “Keep doing that.”

John laughed but kept rubbing Sherlock’s foot. “So I have a question for you…Bryson brought up something that you never mentioned to me.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah he said when you get super manic you hear things.” John said and then clarified. “Things that nobody else hears.”

Sherlock moved the ice pack and looked at John. “I haven’t mentioned it because it hasn’t happened since you’ve been here.”

“So when you were really manic a couple days ago you weren’t hearing crap?”

“No.” Sherlock answered honestly. “You would have known…I act like a complete lunatic when that happens.”

John laughed, “Okay.”

Sherlock was quiet for a second before talking again. “Bry on the other hand has problems all the time. I am honestly surprised he moved up here. He is going to have our orderlies going completely mad by the end of the day.”

“He mentioned something about a trial medication that he is taking that made it so they moved him up here.” John explained what he knew. “Not sure what that means really.”

“Hope it helps him.” Sherlock said honestly. “He’s a good kid but has, had it really, really hard.”

“Is his family in the picture?”

Sherlock nodded, “Yeah his parents come and visit him every evening during the week and they are like here all day on the weekends. They simply cannot keep him in the community because of how much he sees and hears. So they had him sectioned when he was a kid and he hasn’t been able to get out.”

“Crap.” John said shaking his head. “Poor guy.” It was then something that Sherlock said that had John curious. “Mycroft has you sectioned doesn’t he?”

“Yes.”

“How come? You’ve never really told me the events that led up to you being brought here. From what you tell me is that there were things I should have noticed for years so why now?...why six months ago?”

“Really long story John.”

John shrugged, “I’ve got time.”

****Six months earlier****

Mycroft walked into the hotel room he and Sherlock were staying in for the night before catching a flight from Serbia to London. Of course he had hoped to leave right away but things were preventing them from doing so. “Sherlock?” he called when he didn’t see his younger brother anywhere in the main part of the room. He stood in the middle of the room by the couch and simply listened. It took him a second to realize the noise he was hearing and quickly dashed to the bathroom. When he got there the door was locked but he could definitely hear crying inside…sobbing actually. “Sherlock…open the bloody door.”

“Go way.” Sherlock said weakly from where he was sitting against the wall by the toilet the pair of sewing scissors held tightly in his hand against his inner thigh.

“I’m not going away.” Mycroft said beginning to panic. He knew his brother was in a fragile state the second he finally saved him from the Serbians. Heck he had been in a fragile state before he had gone on his mission. ‘I never should have let him go.’ He thought to himself as he continued to try and figure out how to get into the bathroom. “Sherlock seriously open the door.”

“I don’t want to…you don’t want me to.” Sherlock replied sounding much younger than his 38 years.

Mycroft found himself nodding even though Sherlock couldn’t see him. “I do…I definitely want you to open the door Brother mine.”

Sherlock continued to cut, groaning in painful pleasure. He needed to feel the pain…the pain he had felt so much over the past few months at the hands of the Serbians. This was how things were supposed to be…him in pain not in a comfortable plush hotel room with his uptight brother.

“Fine.” Mycroft said after a second. “I am getting security.” With that he left the hotel room, against his best judgement and went and got thankfully English speaking security guards to help him. When the finally got into the bathroom Sherlock was passed out on the bathroom floor from the loss of blood, hydration and nutrition. Again against his better judgement Sherlock was taken to the local hospital and treated for said things and placed in their psychiatric facility.

**** Present Time ****

“Wow.” John said after listening to Sherlock’s story. “How long were you in the Serbian hospital?”

“Only about a week, until Mycroft could get me transferred here.” Sherlock said trying to not tear up at his story. 

John gave Sherlock’s leg a squeeze in comfort. “So he sectioned you right off the bat because you were hurting yourself?”

Sherlock shook his head, “No he planned on having me come back to England…stay in the hospital for a month or so and then have me move in with him or our parents. But I became non-verbal and was not taking care of myself in the slightest.” He blushed a little. “I wasn’t even using the toilet.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Sherlock said making a face. “They already knew I was on the Autistic spectrum so figured I just got worse.”

“How did they bloody give you a bipolar diagnosis if you were non-verbal and acting catatonic?” John questioned actually finding himself angry about this.

Sherlock raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been me John…you know why.”

“But when did THAT come up?”

“When I finally snapped out of it from the trauma I REALLY snapped out of it and became hyper beyond belief. I would go days without sleeping and then talk a mile a minute. I think they had to label it something to continue to get me services quite frankly.” Sherlock admitted. “Being Autistic gets you placed in specialized homes not expensive psychiatric facilities.”

“Yes but having rich brothers in the English government can.” John pointed out with a laugh. “So tell me honestly right now…are you manic?”

“Not really.” Sherlock said with a shrug. “I cannot sleep…so it’s coming…but the hyper activity is yet to display itself.” He propped himself up on his elbows and looked at John. “How are YOU feeling? I could feel you tensing up as I talked.”

John smiled pleased that is boyfriend was asking how he was. That was something an individual with an ASD normally wouldn’t think of asking all the time. “I’m doing okay…just hearing you talk about your troubles makes my blood boil.”

“I do not like it when you get angry about this John.” Sherlock said. “Seeing you restrained the other day was hard.”

This shocked John, he didn’t realize Sherlock had been in the room to see that. “You saw that?”

“Yes.”

John sighed, “I’m sorry.”

Sherlock shrugged, “Not your fault really…I just have to remember you’re here for a reason too and it’s definitely more than just depression.”

“Yeah.” John agreed even though he hated it. 


	19. Chapter 19

“Sherlock you’ve got company.” Rose said popping into John’s room where he and Sherlock were hanging out. It was a week after Charlie left and Bryson came and the couple found themselves staying away in either of their rooms mostly to stay out of trouble. Bryson only ‘honeymooned’ for a portion of his first day and soon was showing is true colors full of restraints and seclusion room visits. Sherlock was sure that the younger man would end up back downstairs but the orderlies seemed to be riding it out.

Sherlock looked up from the page he was reading in his book when Rose stated he had visitors. “I do?” he questioned a confused look on his face. “Mycroft and Greg had already been to visit earlier that morning so who else would be coming without telling him before hand?”

“Yes it’s your Mum & Dad.” Rose explained before exciting the room and going back to her job.

This shocked John, he hadn’t seen Mr. & Mrs. Holmes come and visit Sherlock in the last few weeks so why would they be visiting now…unless they heard about his and Sherlock’s relationship and were completely against it or…for it he supposed.

“Why do YOU look scared…it’s not YOUR parents.” Sherlock said as he put his marker in his book and stood up. “Come on…if I have to deal with those two than so do you.”

John actually pouted a little as he too got up. “Meeting the parents has always scared me.” He pointed out and when Sherlock was about to add something he spoke over him. “Yes I have SEEN them but I have never been properly introduced. Having them shoved out our flat while I walk in the door doesn’t count, Sherlock.”

“Okay…” Sherlock said and shrugged. “Then you stay here…fine.”

John could tell his boyfriend was getting angry and shook his head in the negative. “No I am coming.” He padded his stocking feet out the room, following after Sherlock who looked like he was walking to his own death. 

Mr. & Mrs. Holmes were sitting in the day room having a chat with Jennifer and Tasha when the guys came walking into the room.

“Mother…Father…” Sherlock said to his parents as he walked over and gave each of them a kiss on the cheek, his mother grabbing him for a longer cuddle. 

“It’s good to see you honey, you’re looking good.” Mrs. Holmes said with a smile on her face.

Sherlock looked around and finally spotted a bag by his father’s side and went right for it already assuming it was for him.

John rolled his eyes and sighed, “Sherlock you do not know if that is yours.”

“Of course it is.”

Mr. Holmes laughed, “It is his.” He said but understood where the other man was coming from. “You must be John.”

“I am.” John said holding his hand out to shake the older man’s hand. “Your son’s best mate.”

“And boyfriend from what Mycroft has told me.” Mr. Holmes said with a raised eyebrow as if trying to make sure that was indeed correct.

Sherlock looked up from the bag of goodies and talking with his mother to his father and John. “Mycroft needs to mind his own business.”

“He is worried about you Honey.” Mrs. Holmes said as she smiled, watching Sherlock looking through the things she had brought. “Some of that is for John as well.” She thought she would point out. “YOU do not need to be eating all those sweets on your own.”

John smiled, “Thank you.” He said not sure if he was thanking her for sharing the treats with him or if he was thanking her for reminding Sherlock not to eat so many of them on his own.

“So how have you been feeling, Sherlock?” Mrs. Holmes questioned as he leaned back in the reclining chair. He always said that was better than any chair they had at home so he loved it when he came and visited his son.

Sherlock shrugged his shoulders, “I am fine besides being sexually frustrated.” He said bluntly.

John’s smile faded and his eyes went wide. “Sherlock!” he exclaimed blushing ten shades of red. “You don’t say stuff like that…especially to your parents.”

Mrs. Holmes was also blushing but Mr. Holmes and a smirk on his face. “Sherlock it is a bit hard to have a sexual encounter while in a hospital that is monitored 24/7.” He reminded his son. “Maybe John is taking THAT into consideration.”

“I am.” John said still utterly embarrassed. 

Sherlock huffed, “You people are prudes.” He said before stomping out of the room with the bag of goodies in his hands.

John groaned, “Great.” He said watching the moody man stomp off. “Sorry about that.”

Both Mr. & Mrs. Holmes shook their heads. 

“Don’t worry John we know our son. Be thankful he didn’t kick you on his way out.” Mrs. Holmes said thinking about all of the abuse they had put up with, with the sometimes aggressive Sherlock as a child.

This interested Sherlock but he didn’t ask, instead he thought he would talk to Sherlock about it later rather then ask questions about him when he wasn’t there. “Thank you for being ‘okay’ with us being a couple.”

“We only worry because of where you guys are located.” Mrs. Holmes admitted. “And Sherlock is practically unable to control his emotions or understand those of others. We are more worried for you than Sherlock.”

“Really?” John said in a bit of a shock. “I’m perfectly fine, this is so new and exciting to me but I want it to be good for Sherlock…and erm…I don’t mean physically.”

Both of Sherlock’s parents chuckled. “We hope you’ll be good for him in THAT way too John…just watch your heart.”

<><><><><><><><>  
  
  
John was still thinking about what Sherlock’s parents said about watching his heart that night when he knocked on Sherlock’s door to talk to him. The younger man had been hanging out in his room all evening, not even coming back out to say goodbye to his parents. John thought it was rather rude to walk off with goodies and not thank anybody for them but then remembered who he was talking about.

When he knocked on Sherlock’s door he wasn’t surprised at the curt ‘come in’ he got and almost felt like walking back the other way. He didn’t want to deal with the emotional…yet not understanding…individual. But with a sigh he opened the door and walked in, propping it like they were told to do. “Your Mum & Dad left.” He said as she climbed onto ‘his’ spot on the small bed. 

Sherlock was reading his book again and put it down so he could look at John. “Sorry.” He apologized…just feeling like he was supposed to. “I just cannot stand them sometimes…or you for that matter.”

This shocked John and he sat up so he was looking at Sherlock not just sitting next to him. “What does THAT mean?”

“You can be such a prude…I want us to act like boyfriends and yet you say we cannot because we are in the hospital.” Sherlock said actually beginning to pout. “I don’t want…CAN’T wait another six bloody months before I have sex with you…sex in general.”

John thought about all this for a few seconds and sighed, he wasn’t going to let himself get mad even though he wanted to. “Sherlock people are watching us as we talk right now. Just think of losing your virginity to people watching you?”

“So?” Sherlock said honestly not getting it. He then thought of something. “There is always the bathroom.”

“Fifteen minute checks.”

Sherlock raised an eyebrow, “It takes you fifteen minutes to get off? John I know you…the longest it takes you to get off while masturbating is close to five minutes and I cannot imagine what it would be like for you INSIDE of me.”

John shifted uncomfortably on the bed, “Sherlock you seriously need to realize how you sound when you talk about this stuff. There is more to sex then how long it takes for the other person to reach an orgasm.”

“Isn’t an orgasm the end result of sex?” 

“Of course it is…well if you do it right.”

This had Sherlock curious. “It can be done wrong…and somebody doesn’t achieve an orgasm?”

“Mostly when women are involved.” John stated with a shrug. “It’s pretty easy for a guy to get off during any kind of sex unless there is a medical problem.”

“Have you ever had that problem?” Sherlock questioned looking John right in the eye which was a bit strange because Sherlock often did not do that. 

John was a bit confused, “Ever had problems cuming during sex?”

Sherlock shook his head, “No were with a girl.”

This caused John to blush, “That has nothing to do with anything.” He said not wanting to talk about his experiences with women mostly because he honestly never had any trouble pleasing the ladies but Sherlock didn’t need to know that. It was likely the younger man would get jealous and wonder why they were together in the first place.

“Are you okay that I have no experience at all?”Sherlock asked as his left hand began moving on John’s jeans covered thigh (Mary had brought him his street clothes when had been given the clear the day before).

“Sherlock you know I’m fine with it.” John said gently. “I actually love that I will be your first.”

Sherlock nodded his head as his hand tentatively reached John’s crotch and started to rub him. 

This time John didn’t pull away like the day outside he moaned deep in his throat and let Sherlock touch him the way he was. He wasn’t sure he wanted it to go any farther but THIS felt right. “Sherlock…you don’t have to.” He said even though he knew the other man wanted to.

Of course that is exactly what Sherlock said in response. “I want to.” He said simply rubbing John through the material of his jeans and boxer shorts.

John grunted his eyes rolling back in his head. He hadn’t even touched himself since he had been to the hospital so his only orgasm had been that night in his sleep. He could feel himself already nearing completion and it just started. “Sherlock…keep that up and I’m gunna let off in my jeans.” He warned not carrying if that happened per say but wanted Sherlock to know what was bound to happen.

“I want you to.” Sherlock whispered in John’s ear which caused the doctor to shiver and groan. “I want you to feel good because…I love you.”

John opened his eyes and looked at Sherlock with a smile on his face. “I love you too.” He replied as his hips thrust up a little into Sherlock’s hand which shocked Sherlock a bit but he didn’t stop his ministrations instead his rubbing picked up pace a bit.

Thankfully John was just about ready to let go because they could hear somebody coming down the hallway and that wasn’t a good thing. It may just be another patient but even then that would be embarrassing. “Sherlock…” he hissed before he tensed up and came in his jeans like a teenager wound. Heck he felt like a teenager getting off with his boyfriend with the way things were set up. He just had time to put a pillow over his lap when James poked his head into the room.

“Good evening gentlemen…we’ll be having evening check-in group in about twenty minutes.” The middle aged orderly said with a smile. 

“We won’t be coming, we are busy.” Sherlock said with a nod of his head. “Give our regards to everybody else.”

John rolled his eyes. “We’ll be there.”

James nodded and left the room.

Sherlock turned and looked at John. “John *I* have not been pleasured yet.” He said almost whining which was very a very un-Sherlock thing to do.

John glanced at his lovers lap and shrugged, “You’re not hard…” he then got confused. “Wait a minute watching me get off in my jeans to your hand doesn’t turn you on?”

“I am very horny…you just cannot tell.” Sherlock explained with a shrug of his own. “I guess if we MUST go to group we will.”

“We should…other-wise they will say we’re not cooperating and have us separated or something. I personally do not want to change wards.”

Sherlock made a face, “Right…okay.”

“I am going to go change.” John said as he got up and headed next door to his own room. Since it was nearing bedtime he decided to just put his pajamas on instead of new ‘day’ clothes. He found a pair of light weight plaid pants and changed into a dark blue t-shirt that was just a bit too tight. Once presentable he headed out of his room and found everybody congregating in the day room. Even Bryson was there, which was shocking with how much trouble he had been all day, and the girls were there too of course. It was then that John realized they had a new evening shift orderly that he didn’t recognize.Has he been cooped up with Sherlock all evening that he wouldn’t realize somebody new?

“Okay now that everybody is here let’s do a quick check in starting with Jennifer.How are you doing Jennifer?” Rose asked with a small smile a pen and paper in her hand ready to write down information that was sad in the group. 

Jennifer shrugged her shoulders, “I’m doing okay…feeling kinda low right now though.” She admitted. “I’m not sure why so you don’t gotta ask. I will talk with my therapist about it in the morning.”

Rose nodded, “Okay but please come to us if you do need to talk.” She then glanced at her paper. “You’re goal this morning was to work on your mood management work sheets? Were you able to do that?”

Jennifer simply shook her head in the negative and looked down at her lap.

“Okay we’ll try again tomorrow.” Rose smiled softly and turned to John. “Good evening John. How are you doing?”

John smiled, “Good evening Rose. I am doing fairly well thanks.” He glanced at Sherlock expecting him to have some snarky comment but thankfully he just sat there looking like nothing had just happened between them.

“Your goal this morning was to work on hearing the word ‘no’.” Rose said with a contemplative face. “That’s a good goal."

“Thank you.” John chuckled slightly. “Um I didn’t really have any opportunities to work on this goal. I will work more on it tomorrow.”

“That’s a good plan,” Rose said before turning to Tasha who muttered something about passing her because she felt like shit. Rose of course wanted to press the issue but looking at her fellow orderlies she decided not to do so.

Bryson was next, since they were going around the table, “Hey Bry…how are you feeling this evening?”

Bryson thought about that a second before shrugged his shoulders. “To be frank I’m feeling suicidal and just plain shitty.”

Rose quickly wrote this down. “Bryson do you feel comfortable talking one of us about these feelings after group is over? We want to make sure you stay safe.”

“Yeah.” Bryson said knowing the drill of how all this worked. “James can I talk to YOU after this?”

“Sure thing.” James said with a nod.

“My turn…finally.” Sherlock said actually seeming excited about this check-in and that worried John a little bit. “I’ve decided to start a new project outside relating to bird excrement.” He said bouncing a bit in his seat.

“Eww Sherlock.” Jennifer said turning green and running out of the room.

“Look what you made her do!” Bryson exclaimed jumping up and also running out of the room.

Tasha just sat there shaking her head.

John also sat there with wide eyes. Not because of the words that Sherlock had stated excitedly but by everybody’s reaction. Didn’t they realize what Sherlock did for a living and how bird poop wasn’t nearly interesting enough for Sherlock to be so excited so they should be happy? He thought of how many times he had come home to body parts in the refrigerator or microwave. Yeah, bird poop was definitely calm. 

Sensing nobody else liked his idea Sherlock’s excitement quickly changed. He may not understand emotions very well but he was sure having a lot of them recently and right now he felt very disappointed. He didn’t say that though instead he too got up and ran for his room before he could start crying.

“Fucking shit people!” John exclaimed planning on getting up and running after his boyfriend but James put a hand on his arm. “Why don’t you let Colby go talk to him?”

So that’s who the young orderly was sitting at the table. John shook his head in the negative. “No…I will.” He said moving to go down the hall.”

“John, Colby is going to go talk to him. You need to calm down.” Rose said wand when she saw John about to protest she added, “Remember we’re listening to the word ‘no.’”

John let out a groan his hands clenched at his sides before storming down the bedroom hall.

“JOHN!” James yelled.

“I’m going to MY bloody room!” John screamed back before walking into his room and slamming the door.

Meanwhile Colby, who was actually an old staff from Ward 1 knocked on Sherlock’s door. “It’s Colby, Sherlock.” He said actually looking forward to talking to the detective because the last time he had really seen him Sherlock had been catatonic or close to it. 

Sherlock was sitting in the middle of his bed tears streaming down his face. He was crying so hard he couldn’t get a word out to tell the newest orderly on Ward 3 to either come in or go away.

Colby could hear the crying so he poked his head into the room and sighed, “Sherlock can I come in.” he asked again and this time got a nod from the other man. “Okay thank you.” He said as he walked in, propping the door as he went.

“I…I…I don’t want to…talk.” Sherlock managed to get out through his hiccup-sobs. “I want…to go…home.

Sighing, Colby sat down next to Sherlock on the bed, well the best he could with the position Sherlock was in. “Sherlock if you could go home where would you go?”

Sherlock was a bit taken back by this question but answered it anyway. “Baker Street.” He then added. “With John.”

“Well John is just right here…you don’t have to be on Baker Street to see John.” Colby pointed out gently.

“But I want what we had BEFORE I faked my death and got myself into trouble. I could hide all this shit from him and was okay.” Sherlock exclaimed beginning to get amped up rather than sad. “I hate him seeing me like this.”

Colby sighed, “Sherlock I’ve talked to your parents before…they say this behavior isn’t abnormal for you even before your incident in Serbia.” He said thinking about Sherlock’s chart he had read months earlier.

“I know.” Sherlock said reaching up to wipe at the tears on his cheeks and the snot attempting to drip from his nose.

This was rather pathetic to watch Colby thought as he got up and went to the desk grabbing a tissue box and handing it to Sherlock. 

Sherlock took the tissues wiped his eyes and blew his nose before looking sadly at Colby. “How come you are here?” he asked and then got a look of pure fear on his face. “You’ve come to take me back downstairs haven’t you.” Before he was really thinking about what he was doing he was out of the room in a flash and dashing down the hall.

“SHERLOCK!” Colby yelled after the other man with a sigh shaking his head in disbelief. Yes, it was good that Sherlock wasn’t catatonic anymore but this behavior was just strange.

Rose and James were in the day room when Sherlock came running towards them with fear in his eyes. “Sherlock?”

“Please I am sorry I won’t look at bird excrement and I won’t wank John anymore just don’t send me back downstairs. I am so sorry so so sorry.” Sherlock was crying once again but this time out of complete and utter desperation. 

Every staff was completely confused until Colby came walking slowly into the room. “He thinks because I am working on Ward 3 that I have come to take him back to Ward 1.” He explained.

Understanding came to James and Rose’s face. It was Rose that spoke up.

“Sherlock Colby is here because we needed the help and because he knows Bryson so well.” Rose said gently. “He is not here for you at all besides to be a normal staff member.”

It was Sherlock’s turn to feel rather stupid and he looked down at his slipper covered feet. “I see.” He said before looking up guiltly. “I guess I should say ‘sorry’.”

And to his surprise everybody shook their head. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” James said with a shrug. “Just a misunderstanding.”

Just then John came walking into this room and looked around. “Why does he even seem more upset then before?” he glared at Colby.

Sherlock saw the look in his boyfriend’s eyes and went to him. “I’m fine John just a misunderstanding is all.” He looked at the orderlies. “Why don’t we go watch the movie with everybody else?” he suggested actually taking care of John rather than the other way around.

John still seemed really upset but let Sherlock lead him down the hall to the TV room. The group was watching ‘The Holiday’ which Sherlock found completely silly since it wasn’t Christmas time but actually sat through the whole thing.


	20. Chapter 20

“Good morning Sherlock.” Meghan said as she walked up to Sherlock at the table after breakfast the next morning. “Can we talk a bit this morning?”

Sherlock looked up from his crossword puzzle and gave her a small smile. “Can we go outside?” He loved how the therapist didn’t mind taking her patients outside to do their ‘check-in’ or wherever else they wanted to do go…well within reason of course.

Meghan smiled back, “That sounds wonderful it is already rather warm outside, we have got to love this August weather we are having.”

“Can I bring my magnifying glass?” Sherlock asked already getting up and heading towards the nurses’ station to ask for his ‘detective kit’ as everybody liked to call it. He personally thought that was rather silly since it was far from a real kit of any kind. All that was in it was his plastic magnifier a VERY silly plastic pair of tweezers and a pad of paper with a golf pencil. Even though it made him feel good to do any type of detective work it also made him feel rather silly using the various objects they allowed him to have.

Meghan laughed, “Well you are obviously not waiting for my answer.” She said to him as she watched him talking with one of the nurses.

Sherlock got his ‘kit’ and sauntered back to where Meghan was standing. “Okay I’m ready to go.” He said and then realized something. “Oh I guess I need shoes.”

“We’ll grab them on the way out.” Meghan said as they walked down the hall towards the door and when they got to Sherlock’s room he paused a second to go in and grab his hospital issue slip-on trainers. Once he had those he was set to go outside.

Once outside the duo found a spot under a tree and Sherlock started looking at the sap on said tree with his magnifying glass.

“So Sherlock why don’t you tell me how things are going for you?” Meghan said

“I think John should go home.”

This was a tad confusing to Meghan, “You think JOHN should go home?”

Sherlock nodded his head but didn’t elaborate on his words…making Meghan have to do so.

“What do you mean by that, Sherlock?” Meghan questioned as she moved so she was sitting Indian Style on the soft grass.

Sherlock sighed, “I don’t think he belongs in the hospital. I think it is making him worse.” He admitted.

This was interesting information for Meghan but she was more curious what this had to do with how Sherlock was doing. “Sherlock a second ago I asked how things are going for YOU not for John.”

“Things would be going better for me if John went home.” Sherlock nodded his head. “Yes I think he should go home.”

Meghan smiled a little, “Well sorry but that isn’t happening…you’re stuck with him a bit longer.”

“Only a bit?”

“I don’t know how long he’ll be here for, Sherlock.” Meghan admitted. “But seriously we need to talk about you not John.”

Sherlock nodded his head and took a deep breath, “I heard them again last night.”

“The voices?”

“Yes.”

“What were they saying?” Meghan jotted this information down in her notebook, waiting for Sherlock to continue.

Sherlock looked at the tree for a second before responding. “Telling me that John doesn’t really love me.” He said still not looking at Meghan, his eye contact back to the way it used to be before John joined the Ward 3 crew.

Meghan couldn’t help the sigh that escaped her lips. “Sherlock you know how John really feels about you, but we need to get a hand on these hallucinations. We might have to get the doc to work on a new set of scrips for you.”

This got Sherlock’s attention and he shook his head in the negative. “I will not take more pills.”

“We might need to CHANGE something not ADD something.” She pointed out in clarification. “That is unless you feel like the hallucinations aren’t a problem and you can manage them.”

Sherlock wasn’t sure if that was even close to an option. “They make me very suicidal.” He admitted.

Meghan nodded her understanding. “Then we’ll make sure you talk with Doctor Hillard today about this.”

“I want to have sex.”

“With John?”

Sherlock nodded his head and rolled his eyes both at the same time. “Of course with John.”

“Not the easiest thing to do in a hospital setting.” Meghan said looking closely at Sherlock, trying to read his emotions and body language. “Sherlock you are watched 24/7, sex is a bit impossible unless you like to know you’re being watched.”

“I’ve rubbed him off before.”

“A bit too much information, Sherlock.” Meghan chuckled but then got professional again. “But in all seriousness it is in your best interest to wait until you have both discharged from the hospital to engage in sexual activities. We all know you two are in a relationship but sex itself is a bit different.”

Sherlock shook his head his eyebrows crawling up into his hairline a sign he was confused. “But John needs sex.”

“If he knew you were not ready then he would be okay without it, I am sure he loves you.” Meghan said knowing that was a bit too much information too but knew it was the truth. Sometimes it was hard to keep boundaries if you knew your patients so well.

“Who said I’m not ready?”

Meghan shrugged, “Maybe you are I don’t know but again you know what I suggest happens.”

Sherlock did understand and sighed, “Okay.” He wasn’t sure how he was going to break the news to John but he decided right then that they weren’t going to have sex in the hospital. Now if they ever got a day pass someplace that would be a different story. Just that thought had him wiggling a bit uncomfortably.

 

<><><><><><><>   


“How’d it go?” John questioned when Sherlock came walking back onto the Ward with Meghan heading for the nurses’ station so she could talk with Doctor Hillard, reminding him to really talk with Sherlock when he had the time.

Sherlock shrugged his shoulders, “It went fine…I saw some interesting sap on the tree.”

John raised an eyebrow and shook his head in slight disbelief but didn’t say anything bad about it or show he was confused in words. “I see…”

“I’ve decided something.” Sherlock said as he glanced around the room and didn’t see anybody else so he sat down at the table. “Want to know what it is?”

“Of course.” John said also sitting down.

Sherlock nodded and sighed, “So after talking with Meghan I’ve decided no sex in the hospital.” He said cautiously.

John smiled and chuckled a little. “Okay Sherlock.”

“You’re okay with that?”

“Of course I am…I’ve been trying to tell you that for the past week.” John laughed fully now. “Come on you Git we need to be in group.”

“Wait I’m not done talking.”

John sat back down since he had been starting to get up. “Okay…”

“I think we should both do our best to be on good behavior and get a day pass and when we do we can have sex.” Sherlock said with a smile very proud of himself.

This shocked John, “You want to get a day pass so we can have sex?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

Sherlock smiled big, “Okay now let’s go to group.”

They weren’t late to group thankfully because if they were trying to be on their best behavior then they would need to make it to groups on time and go to all of them. The part that would be hard for Sherlock would be that he would have to actually participate.

“Today we’re going to talk about sleep hygiene.” Carl stood at the whiteboard in the room with a marker in his hand. “I need each of you to tell me something you do either here or on the outside that helps you sleep.”

Bryson automatically started giggling and when he didn’t stop was escorted from the room to take space.

“I read a book or journal.” Jennifer said but her eyes were on Bryson as he walked out of the room. “What if what he was thinking about would really help and we’re just dismissing him?”

“He was probably thinking of wanking.” Sherlock said and quickly backtracked. “My apologies.”

Carl decided to ignore that but changed things around a bit. “What do you do Sherlock? I know you have trouble sleeping sometimes so what helps you when you are having trouble.”

Sherlock honestly thought about that a second. “Can I say two things?”

“Of course.”

“Well I also like to read but what really helps me is drinking warm tea.” Sherlock said and realized something. “Which I never actually do...maybe I should do that.”

“I know it’s not really that proactive but does taking sleeping tablets count?” Tasha asked softly. “Because that is what helps me sleep honestly.”

Carl smiled and wrote everything down on the board. “These are all wonderful ideas.”

John spoke up next, “It’s kind of different but when I was living alone…or whatever I always made sure not to drink anything with caffeine past 2pm.” He then added. “Of course that works with caffeine supplements too.”

“Oh very good point John.” Carl said putting that up with their list.

Bryson came walking back into the room calm once again. “My suggestion is to take a hot shower before bed.”

“Unless you don’t like showers.” Sherlock said making a face at the idea of a shower. “We don’t have to try all of these things do we?”

“Of course not.” Maggie said with a smile as she sat down with Bryson she also made it a very big point to REALLY sit down with Sherlock and talk with him about his shower aversion. They had tried many times before but she had a feeling he might be ready now.

The group lasted another twenty minutes before all the ‘natives’ were getting restless. Sadly for Sherlock he was corned by Doctor Hillard second they walked out of the group room.

“Sherlock may I speak with you?”

“I suppose.” Sherlock said with a sigh as he walked with the doctor to his office. Once the door was closed Sherlock rambled off. “I don’t want to be put on any new medicine but I will if you think that is appropriate.”

This shocked Doctor Hillard but he tried not to show it. “I think we should try something new if you are still hearing voices that are giving you thoughts of suicide.”

“What is there to try?” Sherlock knew they had tried many different things over the last six months.

Doctor Hillard rattled off some information that was going beyond Sherlock. Mentions of blood tests and low white blood cell count. This is what got Sherlock to finally speak up again.

“Wait a minute you want me to try something like THAT?”

“Clozapine or Clozaril as it is also called is a very good medication in getting rid of hallucinations.” Doctor Hillard said gently. “Since you are in a hospital setting keeping track of things will be very easy.”

Sherlock sighed and looked around the room as if looking for somebody.

“Sherlock?” Doctor Hillard questioned eyeing the other man curiously. “Is everything okay?”

“I wanted to get John’s opinion on this new medicine. He is a doctor AND my boyfriend so I want to know what he thinks of starting something so intense.” Sherlock tried to explain his reason for looking around the room curiously.

Doctor Hillard sighed, he really didn’t like how attached the two patients were but didn’t say that out loud. From what he had heard from other staff members of the ward that John and Sherlock were actually good for each other and they were displaying more positive behaviors recently. “Sherlock, I am sure that John would be okay with you taking this medicine.”

“Yeah, probably.” Sherlock said with another sigh “Okay I will try it.” He hated the fact that he was trying a new medicine, he hated medicine in all fashions but this one sounded really intense. “Can I go now?”

Doctor Hillard nodded his head. “You can go.”

Sherlock left the doctor and went about trying to find John. It wasn’t too hard to find his boyfriend since he was in the dayroom coloring in a coloring book with the girls. He smiled and walked over and sat down next to him. “The doctor wants to start me on a new med and I am being good and doing what he says.” He said smiling even more when John smiled at him in praise.

“That’s great Sherlock.” John said reaching over and patting his boyfriend’s hand. “Do you want to color with us?”

Sherlock was going to say ‘no’ but decided he might as well join the group. “Okay.” He said picking up a coloring book and some crayons and started coloring a picture of flowers in a basket.

The group was coloring for a good ten minutes before the lunch trays were being pushed onto the ward. Everybody put their coloring things away from the food and started to eat, well everybody except Jennifer who was refusing even her Ensure drink. Instead of throwing a full blown temper tantrum on the ward she ran off to her room crying.

“What in the world is her problem?” Bryson questioned as he started eating his cheeseburger.

Maggie sighed, “We’ve told you before Bryson.”

Bryson grumbled but didn’t question things further.

 

<><><><><><><><> 

 

“John you have a visitor.”  James told the other man later that afternoon.

This was a bit of a shock to John since he wasn’t one to get many visitors. He looked towards the door and smiled when he saw Mary walking down the hall. He got up from his spot at the table and over to her. “Hey.” He said giving her a tight hug.

Mary smiled at her friend and hugged him back just as tightly. “Sorry I haven’t been by much, things are a bit rough a work.”

John nodded his understanding. “I’s okay.”

“So how are you?” Mary questioned as she sat down with John at the dayroom table. Everybody was either in their rooms or the TV room watching another football game so there was space at the table.

John sighed and shrugged at the same time. “I’m hanging in there – things with Sherlock and I are going well so that is a positive.”

Mary smiled “I’m glad to hear that.”

“He does have this idea in his head that we both need to be on our best behavior to get a day pass and we can leave here to have sex.”

“Oh goodness,” Mary said shaking her head “Is that really something that could happen?”

John shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know,” he admitted.

Mary sighed, “I personally think you should both wait for anything like that while at the hospital.”

“Right,”

Mary sighed again, “You guys have to get to know each other like this.”

“You’re right,” John said sad sounding upset about the whole thing. He didn’t say anything more about his but changed the subject to how Mary was doing.

 

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

That evening was a mix of all sorts of chaos. Bryson was having a really rough time which was causing the rest of the patients to be on edge and not very happy. By the time dinner was done and the youngest member of the group was still displaying outlandish behaviors the staff decided to take everybody outside to keep them on their best behavior. 

John was thankful for this because he could tell Sherlock was amping up and quite frankly so was he. All the screaming and banging and other annoying noises could be heard throughout the ward and outside seemed like a great idea to the doctor.

Once outside James and Rose asked the patients to sit down on the grass since they were going to do evening treatment group outside since inside wasn’t an option. 

“Why do we have to do group at all?” Jennifer questioned from her spot on the grass. “Can’t we have a free night?”

“Jennifer, just because Bryson is having a rough night doesn’t mean we can get off schedule.” Rose said gently. 

The young woman groaned but didn’t continue to complain.

“What are we going to do for group?” John asked as he sat Indian style on the grass next to Sherlock who was busy picking at a bug that was crawling on his leg.

Tasha saw this and squealed jumping up brushing off her pants as if it was her with the bug.

“Come on guys let’s get this taken care of and then you guys can hang out for a while until we go back inside.” James said getting slightly annoyed at the behavior of the four individuals. 

“He had a bloody bug on him!” Tasha exclaimed doing a kind of silly dance, still acting like the bug was on her and not Sherlock.

Sherlock rolled his eyes and stood up walking away from the group, mumbling to the bug who was now on his hand.

“Sherlock come back.” Rose said also getting a bit annoyed.

“I am getting the bug off of me so I can join the group without Tasha freaking out.” Sherlock said as he put the bug down on a part of the fence before walking back over to the group. “Okay Tasha it’s gone.”

Tasha looked a bit apprehensive but went back to where she had been sitting, eyeing Sherlock for a second before feeling she was safe. “Thank you.” She said with a small smile on her face.

Sherlock smiled back before sitting down too back next to John.

<><><><><><><> 

Thankfully therapy group went quickly because none of the patients were really in the mood. So for the rest of the evening the group hung-out outside. The girls decided to play basketball while Sherlock and John continued to sit on the grass just chit-chatting. 

Rose and James sat on a bench between the basketball court and where Sherlock and John were sitting.

“I cannot believe we are allowing them to be a couple.” James semi-grumbled. “I thought that was against the rules.”

“So did I, but I think this is the best thing for the both of them.” Rose admitted with a shrug. “As long as I don’t walk in on them having sex I will be okay with it.”

James made a face at the idea of walking in on the other men. “Dear God I hope that doesn’t happen.”

Just then John and Sherlock came walking over to the orderlies.

“I have to use the bathroom.” Sherlock said to Rose and James.

Both orderlies groaned but nodded their heads. “Let me call up to Mark and see how things are going” Rose said as she pulled out her walkie-talkie and started talking to Mark up on the ward.

Sherlock shoved his hands in his pockets and tried to not do some ridiculous dance.

A minute later Rose put the walkie-talkie in her pocket and smiled. “We can go up now Bryson is behaving himself.”

“Oh thank God.” Sherlock said as he dashed for the door that led inside.

Rose took Sherlock right inside while James helped the other three patients inside after putting the basketballs away in the cupboard. 

On the ward Bryson was sitting at the table doing a puzzle and looked up when everybody came into the room. He blushed a little, “Hi guys.” He said looking embarrassed for his previous behavior.

“Hey Bry” John said as he walked over and sat down across from him at the table. “Can I help you?”

This had Bryson smiling big and he nodded his head. “Yeah I am not very good at this kind of thing so the help would be great.”

“Why do it if you’re not good at it?” Sherlock questioned as he walked up to his boyfriend.

Bryson shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know – just figure I would do something different rather than crossword puzzles and coloring pages.” 

John nodded “makes sense to me.”

Sherlock grabbed a puzzle piece and put it in the right place on the puzzle.

“Dude I’ve been trying to find that piece for a long time.” Bryson said shaking his head as he watched Sherlock put in another piece. 

Just then Mark came walking over with a basket full of snacks. “Anybody want a snack?” he questioned the three men.

“I could go for something,” John said as he pulled out a granola bar. When Sherlock didn’t look like he was going to pick something on his own he grabbed another bar and tossed it in the younger man’s direction/

Sherlock caught the snack and slightly glared at John.

John rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything. Instead he opened his bar and started nibbling on it. It wasn’t the best thing he had ever tasted but it was good enough to fill his hungry stomach.

“Can I get one of my drinks?” Jennifer questioned Mark as she joined he group at the puzzle table. 

Mark eyed Jennifer carefully but ended up nodding his head and disappearing into the office to get the Ensure drink from the small fridge in the nurse’s station. 

“Why do you even bother asking for it when you know you’re just going to throw it up.” Sherlock questioned as he continued to put pieces in the puzzle without Bryson’s consent. Then again he probably could care less that, that was the case.

Jennifer sighed, “You’re a real evil bloke you know that.” With that she stomped away from the table and instead stood by the nurse’s station waiting for Mark to get her drink.

“She’s right ya know.” Bryson said as he scooted back from the table. “Not only do you say stupid shit but you take over my puzzle.” With that he stomped out of the room, heading for his bedroom. 

“What in the world did I do?” Sherlock questioned as he looked around complete and utterly confused by the whole situation. 

“You better not have pissed him off.” Tasha said looking in the direction that Bryson had gone. “We REALLY don’t need him going all bonkers on us again.”

“She’s got a point.” John said as gently as possible. 

Sherlock humphed as he too watched Bryson’s back before he went into his room. “I didn’t MEAN to offend anybody.” He said meaning those words.

“Maybe you didn’t mean it but you did.”

“What should I do?” Sherlock questioned, honestly wanting to do the right thing. He really hadn’t meant to mess with anybody, especially Bryson who he thought of as a friend, even when the other man was acting all bonkers and causing the whole ward to go slightly bonkers themselves.

“Right now let him be.” Mark said from where he was handing Jenifer her drink and joining the group at the table.

“Okay,” Sherlock said sounding rather put off about what was going on. 

It was then there was a bit of commotion at the main door that caused the patients to turn in that direction out of curiosity. 

“Oh look guys Shellie is here” James said as he headed towards the door.

“Who’s Shellie?” John questioned since he couldn’t see the door from where he was sitting.

Tasha had a huge smile on her face. “Shellie is a therapy dog that comes around a couple of times a month. I think her owner was on vacation so that is why you haven’t met her yet.”

John turned so he could see the door and sure enough there was a beautiful collie dog being brought onto the ward with her owner. “Wow.” He said a smile coming to his lips. He had always wanted a dog, especially when he and Sherlock had been living together at Baker Street but Sherlock was always against it. John now wondered how Sherlock was going to take having the therapy dog on the ward. He glanced in Sherlock’s direction and was happy to see he looked excited at spending time with the dog.

Rose walked the dog and her owner in the direction of the day room while James and Mark gathered everybody so they could have equal time with the dog.

“Somebody should get Bryson.” Jenifer said as she took a seat in one of the chairs, her drink still in her hand.

James nodded and headed in the direction of Bryson’s room.

Sherlock sat on the edge of his seat, looking excited to see the dog. He glanced at John and gave him a hug smile. “I love when Shellie comes.” He told his boyfriend.

“I thought you hated dogs.” John said.

“I hate the upkeep.” 

John thought about that a second before nodding in understanding. He was about to say something when Rose walked over and handed John a stuffed animal. “You can play with her first…just toss the lamb and she’ll chase it.”

“Okay,” John said as he took the toy and tossed it a little ways away from the group. He had to smile big when the collie dog went romping after the toy and then brought it back to John like she was supposed to.

<><><><><><><> 

The whole therapy dog experience was short and soon Shellie and her owner were heading out the door. All the patients sat in the day room with sad looks on their faces. They were happy to know that Shellie would be back next week for hopefully a longer time.

“I think I am going to go to bed early tonight.” Tasha said, standing up from her seat and looking at everybody else. “See you in the morning.”

“Everything okay?” Rose questioned, also getting up, ready to help the young woman if she needed it.

“Yeah I’m fine.” Tasha assured Rose and the other orderlies. She had a small smile on her face that she hoped show she was fine. “I’m just extra tired tonight for some reason.”

Rose nodded her head. “Remember to grab your meds before heading to bed.”

Tasha nodded too, “I will.” With that she headed towards the nurse’s station to get her meds.

“What movie are we watching tonight?” Bryson questioned from his seat in of the recliners 

“Why don’t you go pick something?” James suggested with a smile on his face.

Bryson smiled back and headed off with James to the movie cabinet to pick out the nightly movie.

“I hope he picks something good.” Jenifer said as she sat on the floor her legs in an Indian Style position. She was still in this position from when she had been playing with Shellie.

“If he doesn’t then you don’t have to watch it.” Sherlock said. “I mean I don’t normally watch the movie anyway.”

John sighed, “I happen to want to watch the movie tonight so don’t go poo pooing the movie before its even picked out.” He said to his boyfriend who was now glaring at him slightly. 

Bryson came back into the room with a DVD in hand. “How about Avengers?” he asked his fellow patients.

Surprisingly everybody in the room was pleased with the pick and soon everybody, even Sherlock, was piling into the TV room to watch the movie.

John was finding himself falling asleep halfway through the movie so he got up and excused himself to get his nighttime meds. He wasn’t surprised to find Sherlock at his side as he waited at the nurses’ station. “You going to bed too?” he questioned his boyfriend.

Sherlock nodded his head, “Going to at least read or write in my journal.”

“Okay,” John said with a smile and then turned his focus onto the nurse giving him his meds. Once he had them he turned back to Sherlock. “Night honey.” He said with a smile, not realizing he was using the term of endearment.

Sherlock was shocked at John’s words but didn’t say anything about it. Instead he took it upon himself to lean in and place a gentle kiss to John’s lips. “G’night.” He then turned and headed towards his room.

“Sherlock!” John called after the other man.

Sherlock turned and looked at John curiously but didn’t say anything.

John smiled, “Your meds.”

“Crap,” Sherlock exclaimed and groaned before going back to the nurses’ station to get said meds.

John waited for Sherlock to finish and when he did they both headed for their rooms together. With one more gentle kiss they went to their own rooms for the night. 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry that this chapter is all smooshed together. I couldn't get it to be any other way. I hope you at able to make it easier to read.

John blinked his eyes as he tried to focus in the slightly dark bedroom. Of course he didn’t know the time, since they didn’t have clocks in their rooms, but he knew it had to be early due to the lack of sun shining in the room. Sighing he got out of bed and padded his way out of the room and down to the day room. If it was too early he figured he would get something to help him fall back to sleep. Otherwise he would see if he could just stay out in the main room. He was rather annoyed that it seemed like he was always waking up at ungodly hours here at the hospital and when he was at home he always woke at up normal hours.  
Stephanie looked up from the book she was reading when John came walking into the room. “Hey John, you okay?” she questioned.  
“Yeah I think so.” John replied as he turned to look at the lock behind the nurses’ station. He was happy to see it was already close to 7am so he probably could stay out of his room. It was then he realized he was hungry when his stomach growled. Maybe that was why he was awake before everybody else. Licking his lips he turned to Stephanie. “Can I have a snack?”  
“Sure thing.” Stephanie said as she sat her book down and headed for the nurses’ station. “Breakfast bar or Graham crackers?”  
John thought of that a second. “Can I have graham crackers and milk?”  
Stephanie nodded her head and headed in the direction of the snacks and drinks. John watched Stephanie talking with somebody behind the counter as she grabbed his snack. He had never seen the young woman so he found himself curious as to who it was.  
Once she had John’s snack, Stephanie walked out with the other woman at her side. “John, this is Kelly she is a psychology student doing an internship with us for the next few months. I was thinking you could help show her around today.”  
“You want my help?”  
Stephanie nodded her head. “It would be a lot of help if you did.”  
Kelly decided to speak up with a smile on her face. “I have never been to a place like this before so it would be great if you did help show me around.”  
John smirked, “Sure I’ll help.”  
Stephanie saw the smirk and wondered if she had made the wrong choice in asking John to help. “John –“ she warned.  
“Don’t worry I’ll behave.”   
“Okay good,” Stephanie said as she gave John his snack, not that she was holding back the snack until she got a positive reply from John.  
John took the food and went to sit down at the table. When Kelly didn’t join him he cleared his throat and patted the seat next to him. “You can sit down – I won’t bite.”  
Kelly blushed a little as she sat down next to John. “What are you doing up so early?”  
“Dunno” John replied around a mouthful of cracker.  
“Do you normally get up at this time?”  
“Recently, yeah.” John admitted. “Not sure why.”  
Kelly was quite for a second before speaking. “Maybe being away from home makes it hard to sleep.”  
John thought about that a second before shrugging his shoulders. “Could be.” He said before nibbling more on his snack. That made him think about how he was used to sleeping in bed with Mary. Maybe that was why he was having issues sleeping. Shrugging he listened to the next question that Kelly had.   
“What time is breakfast around here?” Kelly questioned curiously.   
“Eight.” John replied. “Normally everybody else is awake by then…well maybe not Sherlock and Jennifer doesn’t eat.”  
This information continued to raise Kelly’s curiosity. She had only been on the ward for a few minutes so she hadn’t had a chance to read up on the patient files. Stephanie and Chris had told her to work with a client directly and read the files later. It was often best to do things that way.  
John noticed the curious look on the young woman’s face and figured he would fill her I with information about the other clients. By the time he was done talking about other people were waking up and walking into the room.  
“Hello – who are you?” Bryson questioned as he walked over to Kelly. When he noticed she had an orderlies badge on he was more interested.  
Kelly smiled “My name is Kelly; I am an intern working with orderlies here on the ward for a couple months. “What is your name?”  
Bryson smiled back, “I’m Bryson – welcome to the ward, we’ll try to not scare you away from the psychology profession.”  
Jennifer laughed out loud, “You should be talking – you’re the one that had us ushered off the ward yesterday because you were acting like a freak of nature.”  
The smile that was on Bryson’s face faded quickly and he looked like he was either about to cry or throw some sort of a fit.  
Maggie happened to walk into the area and quickly got in Bryson’s face. “Hey buddy why don’t you help me go get the breakfast trays.”  
Bryson seemed like he wanted to do anything but go get the trays but somehow he was able to calm himself and nod his head. “Okay.” He replied and walked away with Maggie.  
“That wasn’t very nice Jennifer.” John said to the young woman.  
Jennifer glared at John, “You may be a doctor but you aren’t one here so shut the fuck up.” She said before stamping out of the room.  
“Everybody seems to be in a piss poor mood today. I should have stayed in my room.” Sherlock said as he joined the group.  
Kelly was trying to keep her mood bright and she smiled at Sherlock. “Hi I’m Kelly I am an intern here on the ward.”  
Sherlock looked at her a bit weird before holding out his hand for her to shake. When she did he smiled a little. “My name is Sherlock.”  
“Nice to meet you Sherlock.”  
Tasha came walking in the room looking a bit weary. “Why was there yelling so early in the morning?”  
“Jennifer and Bryson.” Sherlock said as if that made perfect sense.  
“I see.” Tasha said. She then saw Kelly sitting there looking a bit put off at the moment. “Hello – I’m Tasha.” She said holding her hand out for the intern to shake  
“Hello Tasha I’m Kelly. I am an intern here on the ward for the next few months.” The young intern spoke up a smile on her face. “Are you looking forward to breakfast?”  
Tasha nodded her head. “Yeah I think I ordered something pretty good.”  
“I ordered eggs.” Sherlock said as he sat down in ‘his’ spot.  
“Which he hates.” John said rolling his eyes. “He always orders them but hates them.”  
Sherlock sighed, “They are yellow and salty,”  
“Maybe you could order something less yellow and less salty.” Kelly suggested with hesitation.   
“I have to eat the yellow and salty foods.” Sherlock said with another sigh.   
John shrugged his shoulders in Kelly’s direction and when she seemed less confused he moved to grab his and Sherlock’ Tray when Bryson and Maggie came pushing the tray onto the unit.  
Surprisingly even though he hated it, Sherlock ate his eggs and toast. That showed John just how hungry he was. “Hey Bud – how are you doing?” he questioned his boyfriend.  
Sherlock looked at John and shrugged. “I am fine but when did you start calling me ‘bud?’”   
John laughed, “I just felt like it – I can stop if you want me to.”  
“Don’t care.” Sherlock said as he started to nibbled on his food for a second. He then noticed something “They order food for staff too.” He said to Kelly who was just simply looking lost and confused at her space at the table.  
Kelly smiled at Sherlock. “Thank you Sherlock but I ate before coming here this morning.” She said still smiling.   
“Oh, okay.” Sherlock said as he finished his breakfast, only pushing it away with a slice of toast left. “It’s free if you eat here.” He added.  
“Sherlock just let it be.” John said as he finished up his own breakfast.  
Sherlock glared at his boyfriend before getting up and putting his tray away. He then headed down the hall to his bedroom, closing the door loudly.   
Kelly was a bit taken back at Sherlock’s behavior but she was the only one.  
“Don’t worry he does that all the time.” Tasha said as she fished her food.   
Just then Hank came walking into the room with a smile on his face. “You guys ready for morning check-in meeting?” he asked the patients that were still sitting at the table.  
“I’m ready!” Jennifer exclaimed as she sat back down at the table ready to check in with the rest of the patients.   
“Before we get started why don’t we all go to the med window and get our medication before joining group.  
Everybody in the group groaned but did what they were told, that is except for Sherlock.  
“John and Kelly can you to go get Sherlock from his room so he can get his medication?” Hank questioned the other patient and the intern.  
John nodded his head walked with Kelly to Sherlock’s room. One there he knocked on his boyfriend’s door. “Sherlock? Can you come out and get your meds?” he asked gently.  
“Go away.” Sherlock stated point blank.  
“Sherlock you have to take your meds so you can move on with your day. “Kelly tried, biting her lower lip, not sure of Sherlock’s reaction.  
Sherlock was quiet for a second before he got off his bed and opened the door looking at Kelly with a slight glare but nothing major. “I just want to be in my room all day so therefore I don’t need to come out and take my meds.”  
“Don’t you want to do some more deduction outside later?” John tried. Quite frankly rather annoyed with his boyfriend.   
Hearing this caused Sherlock to perk up a bit and looked from John to Kelly. “I can’t go outside if I don’t take my medication.” He said with a sigh. “Okay.”  
John felt the success that his boyfriend decided to make a good decision. “Come on Babe.”  
Kelly looked at the two men in confusion but didn’t say anything. She would ask one of the orderlies about it later.   
Once everybody had their medication they all settled in around the main room tables ready to do morning meeting.  
“So Tasha why don’t you start this morning?” Maggie said with a smile.  
Tasha hesitated but nodded her head. “I’m Tasha and today my goal is to interact with my peers by not isolating in my room.”  
“That’s a great goal Tasha.” Carl said with a smile from his spot next to Bryson on the other side of the table. He then nodded to Bryson. “How about you Bry? What is your goal for the day?”  
Bryon was quiet as he seemed to be trying to come up with an answer. “I won’t blow out.” He replied.  
Maggie smiled. “That’s a very good goal to have Bryson.” She then looked towards Sherlock. “How about you Sherlock?”  
Sherlock grumbled something that didn’t make much sense.  
“Can you repeat that?” Hank questioned.   
“I said no isolation, but not sure that is okay since Tasha already said that.” Sherlock explained.  
“I think if you really want to work on that goal then it is okay if it’s the same as Tasha” Maggie said with a smile.  
Sherlock nodded his head. “Then that is my goal.”  
“I can go next!” Jennifer said with a huge smile on her face. When she got a nod from Hank she continued. “I wat to play a good round of HORSE outside. Normally I just wonder around but I want to play the game today with my peers.” She then looked around. “Anybody want to play with me?”  
Both Bryson and Tasha agreed to play with Jennifer and also mentioned to Sherlock and John that they could play too. Sherlock of course said ‘no’ but John said he might play if he is not busy hanging out with Sherlock.  
With that said it was John’s turn to say his morning goal. “Read a bit of one of my books I got at the library before it is due back in a few days.”   
Carl smiled, “Good goal, just don’t isolate too much reading.”  
John nodded his head in understanding before looking around. “I guess I was last.”  
“It appears that way.” Maggie said with a smile. 

<><><><><><>

“I cannot believe you beat us.” Bryson said with a laugh. They had all been excited when Sherlock decided to play the game of HORSE with everybody else.  
“I am surprised myself.” Sherlock admitted with a laugh of his own.   
Maggie walked up to Sherlock and patted him gently on the back. “Good job playing the game with everybody”  
Sherlock shied away from Maggie’s touch and headed over to the magazine rack and started to read through a newer magazine that must have been put out overnight.  
John smiled a bit at Maggie before going to sit with his boyfriend. “Great job.” He tried reassuring Sherlock.  
“John –“   
John turned towards the orderly that was calling his name. He was surprised to see who else was with said orderly. “Mary!” he got up from his spot next to Sherlock and walked to his ex-girlfriend. “This is a surprise; I hadn’t expected to see you.”  
Mary smiled, “I know I just have something to talk to you about that I wanted to talk about in person not over the phone.  
“Okay – lets go to my room and talk.” John said as he led Mary down the hall and to his bedroom. Once there he shut the door just enough to not get in trouble. All patients were asked to leave their doors propped open when with somebody in their room.   
Mary sat down on John’s bed with a sigh. “Sorry I am just dizzy a lot right now.” She explained.   
John looked at Mary weird, what was going on. “What is going on Mary?” he questioned curiously.  
“I’m not sure how to say this. –“  
John leaned against the wall across from his ex-girlfriend. “Just say what you need to say.  
Mary sighed, “I’m pregnant.”

**Author's Note:**

> I could really use the reviews on this one. Thanks guys!


End file.
